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fossilesque@mander.xyzM to Science Memes@mander.xyzEnglish · 7 hours ago

NASA scientists says astronauts should not masturbate in space

www.indy100.com

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NASA scientists says astronauts should not masturbate in space

www.indy100.com

fossilesque@mander.xyzM to Science Memes@mander.xyzEnglish · 7 hours ago
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NASA scientists says astronauts should not masturbate in space for bizarre reason
www.indy100.com
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A Nasa scientist has delivered a stern warning for male astronauts – absolutely do not masturbate in space.People venturing outside of our atmosphere are advised against pleasuring themselves in zero gravity. The reason? Female astronauts could accidentally get impregnated by stray fluids.As it turn...
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  • daannii@lemmy.world
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    49 minutes ago

    I’m going to make a bet that most female astronauts are going to take hormones to stop menstruation. Which will also stop ovulation.

    I mean there are other reasons why this suggested is invalid . See other comments.

    But I’m also pointing out this one.

  • Carl [he/him]@hexbear.net
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    A Nasa engineer named Smythe answered questions from Conan O’Brien on his podcast Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend in 2022.

    man says funny thing on comedy podcast, more at 11

    there is simply no way that nobody has had sex or masturbated in space. i know it’s against the rules but they sent a married couple up there at the same time once!

  • Phoenixz@lemmy.ca
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    55 minutes ago

    Wasn’t that a joke from some comedian?

    I know this is science memes, but this is just straight up bullshit repackaged with a clickbait title

  • nowherelord@lemmy.world
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    The quote has been misattributed: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/masturbation-in-space-nasa-warning/

  • guyoverthere123@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    1 hour ago

    Fuck you, I’ll shoot ropes up there!

  • ruuster13@lemmy.zip
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    3 hours ago

    scientists says

    This is not a serious publication.

  • Headofthebored @lemmy.world
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    2 hours ago

    I thought you were dead, but nice try, Kellogg

  • socsa@piefed.social
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    2 hours ago

    Good thing NASA isn’t my mom.

  • ElectricAirship@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    3 hours ago

    The female astronauts shouldn’t have dressed that way /s

  • OfCourseNot@fedia.io
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    6 hours ago

    “Three female astronauts can be impregnated by the same man on the same session… it finds its way,” Smyth replied.

    Not buying it at all… I’m not saying it’s impossible but the odds must be astronomical (no pun intended) just for one pregnancy… not even in a million years. Life finds a way, I know, but come on!

    • Raiderkev@lemmy.world
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      No, it’s true. Female astronauts usually float around up there with their twats out; spread wide open to air it out, and nearly every time a male astronaut blasts some rope, it floats straight to it obviously.

      • Frozengyro@lemmy.world
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        51 minutes ago

        Well that explains all the masterbation

      • RamenJunkie@midwest.social
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        5 hours ago

        Also lady bits work like a vaccum, just sucking up all the stray dirt and food crumbs as well. Its why women are so good at staying at home.and vaccuuming, its literally natural.

        (/s)

        • Raiderkev@lemmy.world
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          14 minutes ago

          Doubly so when you consider space is a vacuum

      • fossilesque@mander.xyzOPM
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        Am I Pragnent?

        • khannie@lemmy.world
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          Preganté. You has it.

          • fossilesque@mander.xyzOPM
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            1 hour ago

            gregnant

            • khannie@lemmy.world
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              I had to look it up. It’s still flippin’ hilarious but holy moly it’s 9 years old!!!

          • moosetwin@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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            1 hour ago

            I am. pregannenant!?

        • wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz
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          Dangerops, prangent sex

        • microcapybara@sopuli.xyz
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          4 hours ago

          How is babby formed?

        • NocturnalMorning@lemmy.world
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          3 hours ago

          Probably

      • Pringles@sopuli.xyz
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        4 hours ago

        Space invaders: genetic boogaloo

      • we are all@crazypeople.online
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        5 hours ago

        Im out there shootin tardigrades

        women floatin gonna get some babies made

        that’s why I knew this rap was gonna be great

        I wacked off in space and now my commanders …late…

    • fascicle@leminal.space
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      well the article is from the future so we have to take their word for it

      This article was originally published on 23 July 20222

      • wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz
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        Damn, that’s already after the butlerian jihad

  • SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world
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    7 hours ago

    People venturing outside of our atmosphere are advised against pleasuring themselves in zero gravity.

    The reason? Female astronauts could accidentally get impregnated by stray fluids.

    Seems all they have to do is invent some kind of nutsack.

    • LibertyLizard@slrpnk.net
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      Is it just me or does this seem tremendously unlikely and easy to prevent?

    • saltnotsugar@lemmy.world
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      I propose funding for an aerospace cock sock that could keep everyone safe from stray nut.

      • wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz
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        1 hour ago

        All of the greatest inventions which revolutionized key aspects of our daily lives have begun in aerospace engineering.

        Pens that write upside down. Ice cream that doesn’t melt. Cock socks that don’t leak and are easy to clean.

        This is why we fund NASA!

      • amateurcrastinator@lemmy.world
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        6 hours ago

        Nut allergies strike again!

        • amateurcrastinator@lemmy.world
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          6 hours ago

          Stroke?

    • Sho@lemmy.world
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      6 hours ago

      These guys never heard of a “posh-wank?”

      • saltnotsugar@lemmy.world
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        I never beat my meat at Oxford. What’s a posh-wank?

        • Grabthar@lemmy.world
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          A wank whilst wearing a condom

        • Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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          With a condom is what I have heard. Expensive hence posh I guess!

      • SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world
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        That’s when you eat your cum so you don’t have to clean up right?

        • Entertainmeonly@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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          Thats just normal recycling

        • dangercake@feddit.uk
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          4 hours ago

          Yeah but you have a side salad with it

      • pressedhams@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        I could Google it but I’d rather hear it from you since, no, I have never heard of a posh-wank.

    • Iamsqueegee@sh.itjust.works
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      The NASA ScRoTE. Self-contained Repository of Testicular Ejaculate.

    • Kowowow@lemmy.ca
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      Have they actually done a fluid simulation, I still hold the position you can’t bukake in space or microgravity as it where

      • SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world
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        Semen isn’t gravity fed so I don’t think the lack of it would make a difference.

        • Jakeroxs@sh.itjust.works
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          Idk I think semen can have a little gravity, as a treat

  • kinkles@sh.itjust.works
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    I think the bigger problem is the female astronauts slonking around the cabin crotch-first

    • saltnotsugar@lemmy.world
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      Female astronaut: Here I go clam slammin in the cabin.

  • ramble81@lemmy.zip
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    3 hours ago

    Well guess you have a better excuse than “I tripped and fell in to her”

  • cobwoms@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    if you nut in space will it push you backwards

    • OfCourseNot@fedia.io
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      And since penises are usually not that close to the body’s centre of mass it would also impart some rotation, unless the astrowanker has very good aim.

      • athatet@lemmy.zip
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        Yes. That’s so you can catch it in your mount on the way around.

    • Grimy@lemmy.world
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      Gravity 2 starring William Dafoe

      • Don't forget to stay hydrated.🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉@sh.itjust.works
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        Directed by Quentin Tarantino, full title - Gravity 2: The feat of space travel, which definitely isn’t a pun.

        • Grimy@lemmy.world
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          Gravity 2: a cold wank

    • webp@mander.xyz
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      4 hours ago

      Asking the big questions.

    • blackbrook@mander.xyz
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      Depends which way you point.

  • Smuuthbrane@sh.itjust.works
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    5 hours ago

    That reads as “male astronauts should not mastrubate in space”. So it’s absolutely fine for a female astronaut to rub one out. It’s not like she’s going to be ejecting eggs all over the place. Think of THAT OnlyFans.

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