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Me, waiting for my ADHD partner to circle back to the original topic before they got distracted by tangents.
we THINK we understand and stop listening. It isn’t true. It took me having kids to understand just WHY I don’t form lasting relationships with anyone.
And we get it wrong about 97% of the time. Come on, guys. You need to stop pretending being annoying is a good thing.
And then you try to finish my sentence and get it wrong. So I have to awkwardly pause, and say “No…” and then continue to explain the important part of the safety presentation that tells you how not to burn your eyeballs out with the laser.
On the other side of this; I often feel like people think they already know what’s being said and then interrupt or at least show that they aren’t listening anymore but they actually don’t know. So all that ends up happening is that they misunderstand and now the whole conversation has gotten bad. It’s very common for people to say stuff to give context, and that might sound like that’s all they’re saying but they are just making sure the listener is aware of that context. And when people explain things over and over with different words it just means they’re doing their best to describe something in a specific way and translating that into a conversation is not easy. It’s either because they themselves aren’t satisfied with how they said it and are actually showing you respect by really trying to find the right words. Or it’s because they see that your understanding of what they said isn’t what they really meant.
Don’t ever think you know exactly what someone is saying until they show you they are satisfied with both their own explanation and your replies that show you understand. Show some respect to people by giving them the extra few seconds or minutes to get to where they need, especially with friends and family.
A reoccurring thing throughout my whole life with friends and acquaintances that have ADHD is just this, they think they know the whole story and that there’s nothing more to it and that every second after that is wasted time etc. but SO many times that is a huge mistake. And it can easily fuck up relationships, it’s not a good thing.
And just to be clear: I have ADHD, though mine works pretty differently than how it does for the vast majority of people. In no way saying better or worse, those words don’t exist in this topic for me, just differently. And every single person is different from the next, both including and excluding any kind of “disorder” (not a fan ot the word). Just saying that I see similarities with the vast majority of people that have a diagnosis (or not but are clearly on the spectrum) and have only ever met two people who have the same “wavelength” as me in this.
Counterpoint: I’m a twisty mofo and my adhd friend would often enough times respond to something he thought I was going to say instead of the thing I actually said (since I’m a twisty mofo) because he would be concentrating on not interrupting rather than listening.
I’m not placing blame, that’s adhd, just thought it was funny (except those times when it was just frustrating).
You can have fun with this by finding contexts that make their response sound silly for “what you were going to say”. Kinda like Pinky and the Brain’s “Are you thinking what I’m thinking, Pinky?” “I think so, but how will we convince the flies to put on the tiny shoes, Brain?”
This is the case most of the time. It’s a problem with ADHD folk, it’s something we work on in order to improve. I don’t know why, as of lately, there’s so many people with ADHD (and autism) that have managed to convinced themselves they have some kind of superpower. It’s like they got their diagnosis and then fucked right off from therapy.
Some repeat the same argument again and again in different words and get mad if getting interrupted. Its exhausting.
How do you know my wife?
Rhetorical question, right?
I met her at Joanne’s single mingle…
We all do?
The way to defeat this is to say you think you understand, then repeat back their argument in your own words. You don’t have to agree, but people are often satisfied if they know they are at least understood.
Then they just say “no, what I’m saying is…” And go on to say exactly what you said but worded slightly different.
Well, then you say “OK” and disengage. At that point it’s like dunking for apples when you don’t have any teeth.
It’s a picture of me dealing with ADHD customers who ask me a question, then never stop talking to allow me to answer it. Often a question is followed by 30 minutes of them telling me unrelated personal stories. Before eventually asking the original question again, but followed by another 5-10 questions in rapid succession without giving me a chance to respond.
when will we get a skip dialogue option in real life
You have to build it within yourself.
i already skip my own dialogue, I need to skip other people’s dialogue
Same place for both dude.
You don’t need ADHD for that.
Yes, it’s one of those meme-ish things that is often associated but by no means indicative of ADHD.
It’s just fun to make fun of things like this.
it’s completely normal, i do it too
:>
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Oh boy do I have news for you.
Worse: they have a PowerPoint slide behind them showing 99% of the stuff they’re saying and you’re done reading the slide when their audio track is only 20% in
I was “sick” during our last all hands meeting for this reason. My ADHD was acting up.
I often find that, when talking to my project manager, I’m wrong when I assume I know where the sentence will end. Even if just a little bit (and even if sometimes it’s because she’s wrong in what she’s saying).
How can I get better at shutting up and listening to people? It’s absolutely fucking mortifying and makes me feel childish when I notice I keep interrupting people and getting it wrong.
Mindfulness… Just try to remember not to do it in the moment. It’s hard at first, but it gets easier the more you do it.
Zen meditation, patience, age…
Thank you, I appreciate the response 🙏
Why are you in such a rush in the first place? Maybe try treating these human interactions as a break from your usual pace. Just enjoy their company. People will notice if you are relaxed and listening carefully.
Cos they’re work, and I’d like to not have to talk to my colleagues as I don’t particularly like them. I do make an effort to enjoy my time with my friends, and I am better at not interrupting them.
Work communication sucks because you have the competing tensions of “you have to listen to this person because it’s your job to and it would look bad on you if you don’t” and “it feels like this person is doing everything in their power to make listening to them a grueling experience.” Then there’s also the tension of “The time im spending here is time I could be doing my actual job.” I run into this a lot at work
I dont have perfect solutions for that. People have mentioned mindfulness, and yeah thats probably the healthiest way of coping. But for work specifically, ive found writing while people talk helps, since people see that and act differently. I also treat it as a bit of a memory game where i try to recall what they said earlier in the convo to keep myself interested.
edits: how can you tell I turned my auto correct off recently?
is it that necessary to add adhd in front of every occurrence you have. if it is this relatable to the majority of users it obviously isn’t a symptom of a condition only a minority have.
No no no you forget if they are impatient then it’s because of their ADHD and that means apparently it’s just oh too hard to relate to or empathize with other people…
Conversely, if they’re confused or behind it’s because of their ADHD and apparently it’s just oh too hard to understand why they feel no one can relate or empathize with them…
Apparently its helpless and there is nothing else to possibly consider… also we all need to hear about it non-stop.
It’s the nauseating equivalent of the joke “some people be like this… but other people be like that… amiright?” Next up “Non-Adhd women are shopping!!! Lord knows those Non-adhd folks be shopping…!”
Yeah, my brainhole will fuck right off into several answers, rebuttals, and solutions … just to suddenly snap back in a panic of what I just missed … and then realize the fucker is still describing the most obvious part of the issue.
It’s not them, it’s totally me who is the problem, but damn am I happy & relaxed when I communicate with someone who can efficiently communicate with (someone like) me.
Oh, I met someone once who spoke really slow and made long pauses to when he spoke.
Great guy, but I started finishing his sentences out of desperation.
I would have to take notes. No way in hell my attention span is clearing that many hurdles.
my new manager is like this except somehow there’s still not room to get a word in and then he’s three topics later and you’re sitting there like k well guess you didn’t care to hear what I had to say about this, enjoy your three days of trouble shooting this and getting behind schedule
