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THE official MAN CARD 😆
And it’s a bottle opener
Because nothing screams manly like alcoholism
If you need a bottle opener to open a bottle you aren’t alcoholic
REAL MAN OPEN THEIR BOTTLE WITH THEIR TEETH
I usually just stick it in my ass and use my expertly trained clenched sphincter to open the bottle, like a real man.
So uh… the pair of channel locks I keep on my coffee table… Am I poor or an alcoholic?
For starters, you don’t own a very fancy coffee table.
Sorry I should have clarified. I refer to the trunk thats in front of my couch that has shit on and in it as a coffee table
And your couch?
A wild Vance appears
Doesn’t matter if you’re sober, or even a man. It’s wise to have a coffee table suitable for storing your channel locks. If you have a spouse it’s more wise to listen them.
TIL I’m actually manly
For the man who never fixes anything. It is criminal to not put some more tools on that card.
So a real man let their choice dominated by another man?
Real men link up to the hive mind.
And Bee a Manliest Manly Man and twerk at your enemy!
sticking out your gyat for the rizzlerrrrr
Don’t give away ideas like that while Neuralink lives
Get me an open source brain chip and I’m joining the hivemind in an instant
we disagree. it is a LIBRE brain chip.
I honestly can’t tell if this website is being ironic
That’s a very dumb name, but I really like the simple design and earth tone color of the bar itself.
On the other hand I don’t think I’d like to smell like beer.
Bought beer shampoo for my dad once as part of a joke gift. It did not smell like beer, but did not smell good either.
If you like earth tone soaps and are particular about scents, I’ve learned that making your own soap is pretty easy. I made my first batch a year ago and haven’t looked back.
You’ve got me pegged lol, I already make my own.
Hahaha nice!
I haven’t bought beer scented soap from duke cannon but I have bought their solid cologne bars when I was looking for more sustainable alternatives to regular cologne. They smell decent and the scent lasts. The over the top masculine branding is cringe af though
Duke Cannon has some cringe to it, but they are surprisingly crunchy when it comes to the ingredients they use in things, including the aluminum-free deodorant that I like.
I was tempted by Naval Supremacy but I didn’t like the smell (which totally should have been Bay Rum).
Naval Supremacy; Nasal Inferiority
Can’t stand any of these masculinity targeted products. Also don’t flush any product down the toilet other than toilet paper. Those wipes clog sewers.
Real MEN don’t touch their buttholes, they use a bidet. Check out now biMAN, equipped with a power hose so no grime gets left behind.
According to my proctologist, we Americans are cruel to our butts with over-use of toilet paper.
Never wipe but dab. Use a bidet. Start with a travel bidet, which is $5-$20, and you can fill them with warm water. Rinse liberally and dab, repeat until clean.
Don’t worry about manliness. Being nice to your hemorrhoids is the adult thing to do.
Dude, bidets and ass showers in combination with shaved butthole is a hygienic must for hairy folks.
Dingleberry cultivation is no involuntary hobby anyone should have.
Dingleberry farmer is now in my lexicon of insults
By Karcher
Being a man is when you conform your freedom of choice to one of a few acceptable choices.
Expressing yourself, showing who you really, standing up to peer pressure is for pussies, you wouldn’t want to risk people accidentally mistaking you with them sexually liberated folks by admitting you like electro-swing over country.
Let’s not forget that they probably don’t listen to much non-commercialized country and when they do the highly left-wing, union supporting, feelings having message probably goes right over their heads. I mean it has to, they’d necessarily throw a fit if they knew what they were listening to.
As a guy, real masculinity is being comfortable with your gender and not becoming uncomfortable because someone else expresses theirs.
Guys, we’re workers, and problem solvers. We’re also so many more things like fathers, sons, brothers and friends. Masculinity as a concept is outdated. Adapt, overcome, persevere. That’s all you need.
Anyone telling you that you’re unmanly because you have, or don’t have something, or because you do, or don’t do something, is either a fool, or selling you something.
Be a man, ignore their bullshit.
I am a man, therefore everything I do is masculine.
You know the most masculine activity I can think of? Going to the beach and digging a hole in the sand.
As a guy, I would like to thank you for this advise.
Don’t forget your tactical Christmas stocking this holiday season! 💪
The whole tactical-style-for-not-tactical-thing makes me rage. Not because it exists, but because it’s been picked up by the wrong demographic.
That sort of thing should belong to the realm of the ironic, and be worn by the person who has a bad joke to go with it.
Tactical baby carrier should be for the fun dad who uses it to make jokes about how you otherwise might notice the baby, and not the fragile guy who needs a shield to defend his masculinity in the face of raising his children.
It’s like so much of these things started as a gag, and then got picked up by people who aren’t in on the joke.
Tactical baby carrier should be for the fun dad who uses it to make jokes about how you otherwise might notice the baby
It still can be. The fun dad with tactical gear will reveal his fun-ness quickly enough. If the baby’s binky is tactical black, but the multi-tool is Barbie™ pink, it might be a clue.
Heh, very true. It just messes up the first impression which is where the clothing jokes have the best impact. Never as fun if people take time to get to know you before getting the joke your appearance made.
Is there anything more manly than washing clothes?
Washing the dishes with your manly muscles 😭🧽🫧
My birth certificate is proof enough that I’m a man. Now give me my strawberry Herbal Essences! 💪😡
Ohhhh YEEEEES…
classic rock, country, and blues
Metal is for sissies, I guess.
sigh I’ll get the socks.
Great band.
I like metal.
I will have what he’s having in the picture
Is this Babymetal? I feel like I’ve seen this image before but I can’t remember where.
Reverse image search says LADYBABY
Yes. Ladybaby.
No, it’s Ladybaby.
Or classical. The “rationalist” crowd is in literal shambles rn
I saw MAN CARD in the thumbnail and legitimately thought it said MAN CHILD and didn’t even question it.
Which would be so much funnier. Wanna fuck with me? A certified MAN CHILD?
They do the same exact thing in the pink aisle in the supermarket.
By making everything more so called feminine, and now more so called masculine, companies realized they can charge a premium and people will fall for the packaging gimmick.
That’s all I think it is.
I do like the man card bottle opener though. Would be a fun thing to bring to parties and holiday gatherings.
A bottle opener in your wallet sounds pretty dope, ngl. Then again, not having a multi-tool on your belt is a huge L for anyone that claims to be rugged and handy.
Yea you’re totally not manly enough if you don’t have a multitool and a big brass belt buckle
i find the Leatherman Skeletool has the best bottle opener, because you don’t look like a jackass using it. you can open a bottle with a Skeletool without going “LOOK EVERYBODY, I’M USING MY MULTITOOL”
“A man’s music collection should consist out of classic rock and country. …… oh yeah and also blues. See we ain’t racist we added black music”
Lol bet they mean Eric “non-whites should be deported” Clapton and not BB King.
A man’s music collection should consist of classic rock, country and blues
Does this give anyone else boomer vibes? Also, I suspect this is trying to invoke the Progressive Rock of the 1970s (Kansas, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, The Eagles, Supertramp, etc.) and not Buddy Holly, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin or, you know, Elvis, The Beatles and the Rolling Stones
But then my man card expired in the early 1990s.
How? o_O
Got to renew it every six years
Starting from puberty
I think the “[all pronouns]” in their user name should give you a hint.
I only wipe my butt with sandpaper.
I let it crust over and sand it all off once a month.
Sissy people use that wimpy bidet but I use a pressure washer.
