Capitalism and its consequences have been a disaster for the human anus
Just use a lot of it I guess. It’s just gonna cost them more in the long run.
Except when it’s that thin and crappy, some of it’s going to break off no matter how much you use.
You can use a lot of it to make the company spend more money refilling, sure, but you can’t do a decent wipe with that crap, pun intended, no matter what you do with it.
Just absolutely demolish the toilet every time you use it.
Make them suck out that half-a-ply-ass-TP with oil rig equipment.
Flush a bundle of tampons wrapped in floss.
Soak a large sponge in cornstarch, wrap as small as possible with rubber bands, let dry, cut rubber bands then flush a hand full of these down the toilet.
Settle down there, Satan.
How are you guys smuggling all those sabotage supplies to work? 😆
Gotta do the star fold with the thin stuff, get the grain aligned like plywood to keep it from splitting.
You mean like some sort of asshole origami? Assigami?
I don’t think I’ve ever wiped my ass with a star. Other than that weird weekend with Ryan Seacrest, of course.
As a person with bidet at home, I actually carry my own paper when I poo in public places.
I do know that makes me insane.
The stuff at my job is actually okay but I do keep an emergency roll in my backpack.
I’m mostly at home, but the stuff at my work is what you’d put in boxes with gifts for holidays lawl
I don’t see why it makes any difference whether it’s two-ply coiled 50 times around the roll, or one-ply coiled 100 times around the roll.
I actually prefer a handful of one ply. It’s soft and there are more gaps between the plys which makes your handful puffier. You just have to take a longer piece. If that extra effort results in people conserving over time: great.
I love these false economies that some corporate bean counter thinks saves the company money
Because you see, whenever I see this trash in a cubicle, I lovingly build my own 8-ply, using more paper and burning company time
They thought the service they hired was the least expensive.
The Janitorial service is the one cutting costs because they are not the ones using the toilet paper and they only care about their bottom line.
Nicer paper means they lose the contract. Capitalism and somebody else’s problem all the way down.
I’m in a warehouse that gets it by the pallet. Still the same cheap 1 ply trash, only we distribute it to the other company locations as well as us.
We don’t have janitors, just one random poor soul assigned to deal with it each day.
It definitely takes more time to gently extract enough paper for the job without it crumbling to dust.
This toilet paper is less and saving money on toilet paper and more about saving money on plumbing.
The nice multiply, soft booty hole paper doesn’t break down as easily in the pipe. In your house this isn’t always a problem, there are few people shitting and wiping there, and the distance to the street is relatively small. It can be a problem, if you’re a heavy wiper on an old house using Charmin, but most of the time it’s a non issue.
In an office building it’s a different story. Hundreds of people on multiple floors, with someone practically always shitting. And the cost to even call a plumber to an office building starts at 4 figures for a cheap visit, with the affected stall down for days. If the entire bathroom isn’t closed.
So, yes, the 1/3rd ply paper sucks, it’s absolutely about saving money, just not on the paper.
Ayo, are you the Technology Connections dude?
I shall savor this as my highest compliment.
Alec probably uses a bidet at home.
there’s a heat pump involved somehow
Where the pipes that are supposed to come out of the porta-johns? Cause that sounds like bullshit to me. And porta-johns is where I mostly see that kind of toilet paper.
Also the cost for a plumber to visit an office doesn’t start at 4-figures. My friend is a plumber and says even at a 4 hour minimum call out it won’t hit 4 figures, even in HCOL areas. I’m an electrician and I believe because we make similar and I know how much I charge out.
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Think like an engineer. That isn’t 1 ply, it is materials needed to make 20 ply.
What always gets me when I see paper like this, is just how much manpower, engineering time, experimentation, materials science, and just sheer concerted effort went into making paper this fucking thin and useless.
I like how the dispensers roll holder is always too tight so it over tensions and breaks the paper and the elasticity sends it back up and around the top of the roll. Then you have to pull the roll through by pushing up against it at the same time to get it back out but you go the wrong way so you reverse and then there’s too much length so that when it comes free it’s too long and it touches the ground. So you break it off and throw it away and start again, pulling the roll only for it to over tension and snap again
Also what manager or purchaser looks at the Costco TP flat, then looks at this and thinks this is somehow a better option?
It’s probably because they are hoping the purchaser is using a spreadsheet going “x cents per sheet” and this is rigged to jump to the top of that sort order
Not probably. Definitely. This is exactly it. Bean counting at its finest.
This is the raw material real toilet paper is made of. Similarly, you could also buy sewing thread to make your own rope. Not the most practical idea really, but it is possible.
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It definitely doesn’t work like that.
Even 20 layers of that stuff is still like using wax paper to schmear melted chocolate.
That’s the last time I get a schmear on my bagel.
That only works if the paper isn’t slippery.
It just slides over each other, ripping one part if you pull just a little too hard and the other sticking to your ass.
Layer the grain at 90° angles so that it still slides, but now it does it in weird patterns
Ironically scots is now the worst tp you can buy
You mean to tell me that a company that engaged in red scare marketing is now engaged in hyper-capitailist behaviour to fuck their consumers to make a buck? The shock.
Op please post this next to your bosses office.
Is this a real ad? Lmao
Macarthayism was a hell of a drug.
When I encounter single ply, I intentionally use three times as much. I’m vindictive.
My grandad used to buy this stuff that was like tracing paper. Like a thin version of baking paper. Absolutely useless for wiping your arse on.
I’m convinced he had that as a decoy so we wouldn’t shit at his house.
3 ply at home, 3x as much single ply at wherever this is.
It just makes sense!
I buy single ply for home and use more of it but that’s the beauty of it. Buying something like Cottonelle is going to be miserable on the pipes at home. You can use more single ply but because it isn’t meant to be used like a paper towel, you can still flush it and trust it to break down appropriately. We have bidets installed on all the toilets too.
Oh look, it’s “using 3x as much toilet paper than normal because management wanted to save money so they got worthless toilet paper that only costs half as much as regular”.
When I worked at a grocery store, we had very cheap paper towels to absorb messes, and had to use a ton of them to actually clean up a mess. This is the part I never understood, you cheap out on the paper, now I have to use way more. Likely a multiple higher than how much cheaper it is. It’s only cheaper to buy, it’s very shortsighted.
Eventually they wised up and got us real, good paper towels. We used way, way less, and interestingly we only had good paper towels from that point forward.
Edit: Can’t forget to mention the extra labor costs with more time spent cleaning up a mess!
If those numbers are real, that means that going with the cheap paper ends up being 50% more expensive in the long run.
Checks out against every time a company tried to cheap out. But then, they also do not care because by the time it matters the decision makers have moved on. With bonuses!😟
I call them DIY 5-ply TPs
DIY quarter of the roll ply. Even then, it’s still not enough to prevent surprise prostate checks.
lego 5 ply Tps
My dad always told me that when a company switches to single ply toilet paper, it’s time to gtfo bc the writing is on the wall. Company’s going under.
The writing is on the wall? Like with brown letters on the toilet wall?
Eeeewwwwww
“We need everyone back to the office. There is no reason for you to work from home”…
Between getting shit on your fingers and the airborne diseases lofting over the cubical walls everyone will be calling out soon.
If bidets became commonplace, it would reduce the need for toilet paper greatly! Ask me, I know! Got one for $40.00 from Amazon, attached in minutes. Best thing since sliced bread
I did the exact same. I never want to go back. Though Ill be honest, I have never tried sliced bread on the anus.
To be fair, it probably feels luxurious.
I only use artisan sourdough personally
Sounds like a recipe for a yeast infection to me. I’ll stick to tortillas.
Artisan Sourdough often has a chewier crumb than sandwich bread and the crust is harder. Sounds like it would be murder on the under carriage
The avocado makes it softer.
LOL LOL LOL
I bought one at the start of the pandemic and it’s just sat in my bathroom in the box behind the door 😭
Dude, it takes like 5 minutes to install. There is no complicated plumbing. One existing bendy pipe is forked into two - your tank and the bidet.
For a simple cold water model, sure. Maybe theirs is heated and needs a second water line run to the main plumbing, or a power cable somewhere which can be awkward in a bathroom.
yeah i am not shooting cold water down there in the middle of winter. heated bidet or paper.
OMG have someone install it! you will not regret it! lol I htg love it
Or install it yourself, it’s shockingly easy
Same! Now I hate pooping anywhere but home.
Same here! Makes me wonder why it took so long to discover something the Europeans have had for many years
Doesn’t it involve plumbing? I’m not good with plumbing. I’m picturing water everywhere, like the time I fixed my sink.
Not that much “plumbing” if you wanna call it that.
- Turn the nozzle on the water line, from the wall to the tank, off.
- Unscrew the line and add the bidet line to it.
- Screw line back in.
- Turn nozzle back on.
- Enjoy a clean booty.
Can confirm, I have zero plumbing experience and installed mine with zero issues. It’s about as simple as entry-level Ikea furniture.
This doesn’t sound too bad.
I installed it myself with that tushy bidet one. The website is helloTushy.com. Make sure the hello is infront or else it will link to porn. I believe they have a video you can watch of the install.
Tushy is great, but thanks for the bidet hookup also
Yes it involves plumbing, but just barely. It’s super easy. Everything screws in with no more than a simple wrench. There is no soldering, cutting, specialized tools, or anything like that. If you can screw and unscrew the cap on a soda bottle, you can do this.
I can’t connect a garden hose without water leaking out the connections, so I’m not sure how well I’d fare with indoor plumbing
That’s more of a design fault of garden hoses than a failing of skill.
It’s not a fault per se, it’s just the result of cheap, UV resistant, outdoor weatherable products.
You wouldn’t buy tight fitting metal couplers, for this, mostly because they would be expensive as hell and too hard to deal with any grit in the connections.
Apples and oranges
If you have a newer home, it only involves removing the water feed line to your toilet tank (turn water at shut-off valve first) and installing the hose to the bidet. It is very simple process as long as your toilet and home is not too old. When parts are old and corroded from time, it can be a bit more involved. Check out YT for “do it yourself” vids.
I’ll look into it, thanks! I’ve always wished I had one
You are basically adding a fork to your existing line to your tank. 4 new connections.
Just one? I got a 2 pack for $40. They’ve been installed since March with zero issues. And single ply works just fine at home because I don’t feel like completely wrecking the plumbing in our house built in 1936. If you really have a problem with single ply, might I suggest you re-evaluate how well you’re washing your hands?
So … don’t you need paper to dry off? How do you keep from spraying water everywhere and getting your clothes wet? Forgive my cluelessness, but I’ve often wondered how it works.
yes, you do need a small amount of TP to dry off. The spray is narrow and precise it aims pretty naturally to the right “place”. Over spray has never been a problem with clothing in my experience. It really is a wonderful invention.
Is this that new transparent wood I keep hearing about?
just pull out more and fold lmao; they can’t control how much you use
They can fucking try.
You say that but I feel like we’re only a couple years from seeing automated TP dispensers that dole out tightly-rationed squares.
Won’t that mean everyone is walking around with shitty assholes, you might ask… And yes, yes I think it will. Which would make it sound impossible, until I tell you that corporations could reduce TP costs and improve their profits by 0.0001%; now it practically sounds like a shareholder mandate!
Of course then it won’t be long until TP companies triple their prices to compensate for this long on their end, but that’s the fun thing about capitalism: given enough time, everyone can lose!
NEW TP POOL REGULATIONS
I’ve been asked to distribute the new regulations regarding office pool displays. The enclosed memo is a new subchapter of the EBGOC Procedure Manual, replacing the old subchapter entitled PHYSICAL PLANT/CALIFORNIA/ LOS ANGELES/BUILDINGS/OFFICE AREAS/PHYSICAL LAYOUT REGULATIONS/EMPLOYEE INPUT/ GROUP ACTIVITIES.
The old subchapter was a flat prohibition on the use of office space or time for “pool” activities of any kind, whether permanent (e.g., coffee pool) or one-time (e.g., birthday parties).
This prohibition still applies, but a single, one-time exception has now been made for any office that wishes to pursue a joint bathroom-tissue strategy.
By way of introduction, let me just make a few general comments on this subject. The problem of distributing bathroom tissue to workers presents inherent challenges for any office management system due to the inherent unpredictability of usage-not every facility usage transaction necessitates the use of bathroom tissue, and when it is used, the amount needed (number of squares) may vary quite widely from person to person and, for a given person, from one transaction to the next. This does not even take into account the occasional use of bathroom tissue for unpredictable/creative purposes such as applying/removing cosmetics, beverage-spill management, etc. For this reason, rather than trying to package bathroom tissue in small one-transaction packets (as is done with premoistened towelettes, for example), which can be wasteful in some cases and limiting in other cases, it has been traditional to package this product in bulk distribution units whose size exceeds the maximum amount of squares that an individual could conceivably use in a single transaction (barring force majeure). This reduces to a minimum the number of transactions in which the distribution unit is depleted (the roll runs out) during the transaction, a situation that can lead to emotional stress for the affected employee.
However, it does present the manager with some challenges in that the distribution unit is rather bulky and must be repeatedly used by a number of different individuals if it is not to be wasted.
Since the implementation of Phase XVII of the Austerity Program, employees have been allowed to bring their own bathroom tissue from home. This approach is somewhat bulky and redundant, as every worker usually brings their own roll.
Some offices have attempted to meet this challenge by instituting bathroom-tissue pools. Without overgeneralizing, it may be stated that an inherent and irreducible feature of any bathroom-tissue pool implemented at the office level, in an environment (i.e., building) in which comfort stations are distributed on a per-floor basis (i.e., in which several offices share a single facility) is that provision must be made within the confines of the individual office for temporary stationing of bathroom tissue distribution units (i.e., rolls). This follows from the fact that if the BTDUs (rolls) are stationed, while inactive, outside of the purview of the controlling office (i.e., the office that has collectively purchased the BTDU)-that is, if the BTDUS are stored, for example, in a lobby area or within the facility in which they are actually utilized, they will be subject to pilferage and “shrinkage” as unauthorized persons consume them, either as part of a conscious effort to pilfer or out of an honest misunderstanding, i.e., a belief that the BTDUs are being provided free of charge by the operating agency (in this case the United States Government), or as the result of necessity, as in the case of a beverage spill that is encroaching on sensitive electronic equipment and whose management will thus brook no delay. This fact has led certain offices (which shall go unnamed-you know who you are, guys) to establish makeshift BTDU depots that also serve as pool-contribution collection points. Usually, these depots take the form of a table, near the door closest to the facility, on which the BTDUs are stacked or otherwise deployed, with a bowl or some other receptacle in which participants may place their contributions, and typically with a sign or other attention-getting device (such as a stuffed animal or cartoon) requesting donations. A quick glance at the current regulations will show that placement of such a display/depot violates the procedure manual. However, in the interests of employee hygiene, morale, and group spirit-building, my higher-ups have agreed to make a one-time exception in the regulations for this purpose.
As with any part of the procedure manual, new or old, it is your responsibility to be thoroughly familiar with this material. Estimated reading time for this document is 15.62 minutes (and don’t think we won’t check). Please make note of the major points made in this document, as follows:
BTDU depot/displays are now allowed, on a trial basis, with the new policy to be reviewed in six months. These must be operated on a voluntary, pool-type basis, as described in the subchapter on employee pools. (Note: This means keeping books and tallying all financial transactions.) BTDUS must be brought in by the employees (not shipped through the mailroom) and are subject to all the usual search-and-seizure regulations. Scented BTDUs are prohibited as they may cause allergic reactions, wheezing, etc. in some persons. Cash poool donations, as with all monetary transactions within the U.S. Government, must use official U.S. currency-no yen or Kongbucks.
Naturally, this will lead to a bulk problem if people try to use the donation bucket as a dumping ground for bundles of old billion and trillion dollar bills. The Buildings and Grounds people are worried about waste-disposal problems and the potential fire hazard that may ensue if large piles of billions and trillions begin to mount up. Therefore, a key feature of the new regulation is that the donation bucket must be emptied every day-more often if an excessive build-up situation is seen to develop.
In this vein, the B & C people would also like me to point out that many of you who have excess U.S. currency to get rid of have been trying to kill two birds with one stone by using old billions as bathroom tissue. While creative, this approach has two drawbacks:
- It clogs the plumbing, and
- It constitutes defacement of U.S. currency, which is a federal crime.
DON’T DO IT. Join your office bathroom-tissue pool instead. It’s easy, it’s hygienic, and it’s legal.
Happy pooling, Marietta.
– Neil Stephenson Snow Crash
They can get a hydrologic press, and make the paper so thin that it crystallises and then shards when bent. Don’t tell people about folding, that’s a veterans tip, and this is an arms race where there will be no winners.
It doesn’t work. It just all breaks while you’re wiping.
Homeopathic toilet paper
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I love your spirit.
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I would tell them they need reasonable toilet paper.
I don’t see how any judge would follow this argument. So you’re just leaving work for a few hours every day.
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a terrifying amount of people consider it completely and utterly normal to drive 2 hours to work every day
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2 hours is uncommon but not remotely unheard of. 1 hour is common. Our infrastructure is garbage.
You should be asking how often I poop.
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It’s a really big poop.
A ten mile drive in a big city post pandemic, really.
As someone with digestive issues, I would approach HR about this saying I need an accommodation under the ADA, with said accommodation being reasonably high quality toilet paper.
cOmE baCK to WORk It’s greAt!
