i love this because 1) it sounds so much more mundane in swedish than it does in english (i can’t imagine someone’s address being Nr. 666 Hell’s Alley), and 2) “helvete” has become such a mild curse that having it associated with gallows gives emotional whiplash

as the world ends in fire and brimstone, one random village in cambodia rises into the sky showered in heavenly radiance

still not a thing in europe, we just use the sinks in the toilets.

this is why i twerk while drinking from a fountain, and when i’m done with water running down my chin and tongue drooping, i gently moan.

they also do a lot of work, try raising yourself onto your toes a bunch of times in a row, your calves will glow like the top element in the oven.

this is why heaven is full of lesbians

biology is probably the closest we can get to actual eldrich horror, realizing that everything you’ve taken as fact is complete nonsense and in reality all definitions are made up

like fucking hell, both animals and plants are compound organisms that billions of years ago swallowed some bacteria or whatever and it stuck around inside the cells and eventually atrophied into organelles!
And if that’s not bad enough, turns out we’re entirely codependent on bacteria in the stomach, to the point that in the span of a month you can become able to digest new things just because some specific bacteria multiplied a whole bunch, and those bacteria will then make you crave the stuff they can digest.

maybe that’s why octopi don’t have civilizations, they’re too traumatized by the fact that all their relatives are little more than meat plants

like, we’ve historically refused to acknowledge that we’re clearly related to monkeys, imagine how much people would have freaked out if our closest relatives were unable to move!

turns out life doesn’t care what we think, and will merrily do whatever the fuck it feels like

there’s a plant that can just magically grow to look like whatever other plants are near it, some-fucking-how

“Ka-blooey!”

“oh they’re gonna hafta gluu yuu back together, IN HELL”

idk if there are other cool parts, but the one i’m aware of is that their jizzulate is asexual, basically clones (i think). The ferns shed spores which grow into what looks like a leaf on the ground, then those “leaves” have their own more normal sex cells which do the usual thing, which then grow into actual ferns from the surface of the “leaf”.
It’s fucking wild.

But next to the jumping spiders, they’re the only ones who can hold a good conversation and maintain proper directed eye contact.

if you’re really nice they’ll vomit honey into your mouth

“hello, are you a flower?”
- “no”
“oh, that’s too bad, can sit on your head and look for flowers?”

i don’t think one table is going to be enough for the beetles

me grabbing the cat and motorboating its belly much to their moderate displeasure

seriously, there are so many fucking games at this point that the problem is just finding the ones you like.

Remember: Old games are still perfectly fine, people enjoyed them in the past so you can probably enjoy them now, they don’t just become obsolete 5 years after release.

and if that still doesn’t work, i’m sure public flogging would have an effect.

just stop being sad

it’s a quantum phenomenon, only happens when not observed