The trick is to do something very hard to master and scratches that incessant need to create and/or fix. I think this is why ADHD and other neurodivergent people gravitate to IT - there is always, always something new. But don’t worry, management or shareholders or the company getting bought will fuck it up eventually. Maybe all three! So, try to have a backup plan and avoid getting attached. Have a hyper focus outside of it, something where you can unmask and relax.
Oh. And learn what burnout is and how to deal with it. We tend to get it extremely quickly. I burn out faster than a 4th of July sparkler. That’s the only sparkly shit I get. Or else you’ll find yourself in this endless cycle wondering why. Vacation isn’t the cure.
I’m in my 50’s. I have AD
HD. I started in IT (despite having a business degree). In two years I rose to Admin in a mid size org. After I got promoted I started to get bored, got sloppy. and fired. Went to a business IT job, rinse and repeat. Started a business, once it was chugging along, I got sloppy with managing it. tanked it. Got an IT job. 4 years later same thing. Started another business. Same pattern. Another IT job… Fast forward, and I’m now self-employed doing IT on site support for small businesses. It strikes a nice middle ground.Best period was when I started a sign making business. 12 years. Every job a challenge. Fun, but I ended tanking it because of sucking at management.
Very similar story for me. I’m at a new place after my last one abruptly laid off thousands. Here I can’t exactly disappear amongst the noise of a massive company. I’m watching the newly hired, younger neurodivergents burn out (one particularly violently) after barely a year. It is frustrating. I mean, what advice can you tell them? Mask more? 😑
Management has surprisingly recognized this for one that had a meltdown right in front of an higher-up, and offloaded their work into a more focused role so they’re less overwhelmed. But I’m seeing them start to spiral again after a personal issue happened… I have a dreadful feeling they will not have their contract renewed. It breaks my heart because they are very talented and I like them. It’s like watching a mirror of my younger self having done the same crap. I try to take the pressure off when they ask for help but it’s affecting my own stress. I can’t save the world. Too old. Too tired.
Part of problem I think is when you excel, they expect that level of performance all the time. I try not to show my whole hand in all things as a result as a sort of defense mechanism. Because I know they’ll just keep piling more work and expectations. It is hard to find a balance. I know I can’t always be full-on. Annnnd I still get bored and have to keep the slop in check.
If this doesn’t work out I’m probably going your route and starting my own thing.
I have the same thing, on my 4th year and almost lost motivation. Now I have to figure out hosting everything on cloud services and they’re pushing AI so it feels a bit sparkly again.
No. My jobs have never been “sparkly”. I hate every move up the ladder more than the last one. If they’re not boring they’re stressful (not in the “oh this is an exciting challenge” way). I go to work for the check and nothing more. The shit I do in my free time is what’s “sparkly”.
So fucking this. Unless you’re a god damned lion tamer or professional skydiver there is no job that is “sparkly” or anything but a forced survival chore.
Unlucky :( I don’t know about your financial status, but if you can afford it (the pay is usually much better, but it can be more infrequent if you have dry periods), you might want to try becoming a consultant?
I’ve had many “normal” jobs in the past and felt the same way… but like 10+ years ago I started consulting on the side, and after getting enough stable contacts, I switched to it full-time. It changes the whole messed up “wage slave” dynamic: instead of them thinking they own me, they’re my customers. If they try to set unreasonable deadlines/requirements/etc, I tell them that they’re wrong, and they can either fix their expectations or find someone else. No implicit threats that my CV is going to look bad because of “changing jobs so often”. And if it’s a toxic workplace, I leverage that to either get paid much more, or simply refuse to make any new contracts with them. Etc.
I don’t know the first thing about getting into consulting, and honestly not sure if I have any skills that would be applicable. At least not for anything that would pay well enough to get through the dry periods.
I had a job that I actually enjoyed once. The work itself was more or less the same every day, but it had varying challenges and locations and I didn’t have 15 fucking managers breathing down my neck all the time. I could have stayed there forever. Except they fired me when I didn’t volunteer to work a Saturday because I had a fucking doctor’s appointment and that was the only day I had off where I could see a doctor, they swore at me that I have to show up and scheduled me that day anyway, and I swore back at them because I absolutely do not tolerate authoritarian bullshit like that. They backed off and said “okay fine, we’ll get someone else. No worries.” But then on Monday, the Salesforce schedule had me going to the main office (2 and half hours away) for a meeting; the meeting was to fire me.
Fucking owners turned out to be MAGA bitches, too so I have no qualms over naming and shaming UnWired Broadband for being a shifty bullshit WISP service that sets prices based on skin color. (White people always had lower bills and higher speeds than mexicans and black folks)
I’m sorry you live in the USA. That would not be possible in many parts of the world to begin with.
(apologies and no hate, this is the best way I can put it)
I know… God damn “At Will” employment.
There’s so much to unpack here. Did you work for a company run by a supervillain? And yet enjoyed the work?
The work was fun.
The management and leadership was FUBAR.
That makes sense. I always feel like the people make the job what it is, and I just have a hard time reconciling how such horrific leadership can attract good people.
It’s not that weird. The most fun I ever had at a job was working in the tire center at Walmart.
You could get a doctors appointment on a Saturday? Usually you have to take a weekday off, and make sure it’s a day they aren’t golfing.
The network provider my insurance was under was open Mon-Sat, but their hours on Saturday were shorter.
I show up, hyperfocus, do an incredible job, get a raise, then lose the entirety of my reputation by not doing anything.
Now I’m teaching, and it’s hitting my mom friend override a little- I don’t do the work because I have to, but because the students deserve to learn. But it’s also new, so that might change
I’m doing long term training on specialist engineering stuff … to be honest, getting to teach the same stuff to different people really helps keep things fresh (at least for me)
That’s reassuring :)
My sister has much more severe ADHD, but also way better coping skills than I do (our AUDHD mom was a special education teacher who instilled really helpful habits in her, but died before I was old enough to do the same with), and she’s a great teacher, so I hope it’ll work like that for me as well.
Actually, basically everyone in my family is a teacher, lol. Maybe that is the answer.
I get fired waaay before quitting becomes an option.
Too real. Though of course, according to the psychologist, I couldn’t possibly be ADHD just because I’ve never been fired from any job.
Ha! Jokes on you, I have such low self esteem I’ll never get to that point! 😂😱
I can give you an example of when you overstay that rule: You WILL get bored, you will lose all drive to deliver results, you’ll destroy that reputation you build. You’ll have a hard time finding another job because your references are no longer positive. Get out while you can. I didn’t.
I just lie about all my references and give them phone numbers for friends who are given specific guidance on how to convinvingly lie about my work history and qualifications, and then I do the same for my friends. Problem solved!
I can’t remember the last time someone actually called a reference.
Most don’t even ask anymore.
haha! i’m unemployable
For me, becoming self employed was the solution. Don’t like a project anymore? Just don’t renew the contract and find something else that’s somewhat related but different enough to be interesting.
Came here to say this. Be a contractor, become over-employed, and once you matter certain things, get an apprentice and train them before learning new skills.
My jobs over the years have typically gone like this:
1st year: learn the job
2nd year: get good at it
3rd year: it’s not exciting anymore, and some annoying parts are showing
4th year: Get fed up, quitSame except i just skip the first two years
I wish there had been ADHD communities when I was younger so I’d know stuff like this isn’t just me being a bad person!
Its a thing. A normal thing for people like me.
I’m both relieved and appalled.
When my spouse and I had kids, they expected me to “get my act together” - essentially, to stop having executive dysfunction.
In order to do laundry, I need to move the previous load out of the dryer, determine whose clothes it is (could be mixed), sort it, fold it, put it away, and THEN I can start the next load. This is an insurmountable mountain to me. Having separate bins for each person and splitting it into multiple tasks was deemed “controlling”.
We’re starting couples therapy now.
If you date a neurotypical, then make it absolutely crystal clear that this is who you are; not a choice, not laziness.
You guys have jobs !?
The “job market” absolutely terrifies me. I’m 28 years old and I have done absolutely all that is in my power to avoid having to get a job.
I mean, I don’t want one but being alive is expensive
Yes, but the things a job seems to take away are exactly what makes life worth living, so I don’t understand the tradeoff
being a bun sounds nice on paper, but once you’ve seen the other side (having the $ to longer make choices, can literally just…do/go to whatever you want whenever you want) going back to being a brokie sucks
I only had a formal job once.
After 3 months I started sabotage myself to get fired.
It didn’t work, in this process I found myself disliking a lot of things and blaming it as excuse to leave.
After trying 2 times and they succeed to convince me to stay, in the third I said I’m done I’m out definitively this time, then I left the job.
