Have ADHD. Most relationships ended similarly. Early on I didn’t realize the impact of my disability and how it affected my relationships. They didn’t either, I suppose until the honeymoon phase wore off. My spontaneity, “quirkiness”, complete inability to follow any kind of routine, frequent burnout and poor coping mechanisms accelerated their demise.

Now I am much more aware of my limits and issues and I communicate them. I communicate more in general. My spouse also being an extroverted introvert with limited social energy is a large factor. I don’t have to exhaust myself by masking as much. We enjoy quiet activities and share similar hobbies and/or the same ones. But we also have things neither of us are into but we’ll hang out and do them separately.

It sounds to me like you were making a genuine effort and they were tired of compromising. For your relationship to last almost two decades is saying quite a bit. Perhaps you just haven’t found someone similar enough. But I also think your spouse is largely to blame from what sounds like giving up. Did you try counseling and or were they open to it?

Very similar story for me. I’m at a new place after my last one abruptly laid off thousands. Here I can’t exactly disappear amongst the noise of a massive company. I’m watching the newly hired, younger neurodivergents burn out (one particularly violently) after barely a year. It is frustrating. I mean, what advice can you tell them? Mask more? 😑

Management has surprisingly recognized this for one that had a meltdown right in front of an higher-up, and offloaded their work into a more focused role so they’re less overwhelmed. But I’m seeing them start to spiral again after a personal issue happened… I have a dreadful feeling they will not have their contract renewed. It breaks my heart because they are very talented and I like them. It’s like watching a mirror of my younger self having done the same crap. I try to take the pressure off when they ask for help but it’s affecting my own stress. I can’t save the world. Too old. Too tired.

Part of problem I think is when you excel, they expect that level of performance all the time. I try not to show my whole hand in all things as a result as a sort of defense mechanism. Because I know they’ll just keep piling more work and expectations. It is hard to find a balance. I know I can’t always be full-on. Annnnd I still get bored and have to keep the slop in check.

If this doesn’t work out I’m probably going your route and starting my own thing.

The trick is to do something very hard to master and scratches that incessant need to create and/or fix. I think this is why ADHD and other neurodivergent people gravitate to IT - there is always, always something new. But don’t worry, management or shareholders or the company getting bought will fuck it up eventually. Maybe all three! So, try to have a backup plan and avoid getting attached. Have a hyper focus outside of it, something where you can unmask and relax.

Oh. And learn what burnout is and how to deal with it. We tend to get it extremely quickly. I burn out faster than a 4th of July sparkler. That’s the only sparkly shit I get. Or else you’ll find yourself in this endless cycle wondering why. Vacation isn’t the cure.

Also the burning desire to answer rhetorical questions that I know are rhetorical. Or to point out their sarcasm isn’t as clever as they think and look like a jerk.

They seem to be going for IPO so codeberg it is.

I got a set of open back planars from them just to try. 100 bucks for planars is absurd so I had low expectations. I like having background noise but need to be aware of my surroundings a bit (dog gets into mischief). They are simply solid all around. Damn things sound better than my beryllium driver ones… Well built, comfortable, pads held on by Velcro so they are replaceable. And they fold! So I’m definitely a shill now.

They uh do realize busybox and BSD underpins nearly everyfuckingthing right? Including network stacks. So fucking stupid.

My wife just got me one of the figurines and they are super cute.

Yep. /pol/ appeared after moot met Epstein in person.

I’ve said some wild stuff when waking up from anesthesia but the good thing is you probably won’t remember it and they’re used to it.

My friend and I look for these occasionally. They’re often deployed with default passwords and never updated. Many seem to be set up to case businesses and houses and appear to be obscured from view. It’s super great /s

Like every MSP ever. When your CEO that started the company in college suddenly shows up in a green Lamborghini it is time to spruce up the resume.

They thought it would help them notice patterns that give it away. Some candidates still got through and they didn’t notice until they were put to work where AI wasn’t accessible.

I had roughly 5 interviews at the last place. Then they said I had to do one with the VP. Told the recruiter I was getting fed up and suddenly it was waived. Don’t be afraid to push back (unless you are desperate).

Much later on while helping with interviews myself there, I asked why they had this terrible process and they said it was because people were caught cheating with AI. I asked why they didn’t do in-person to prevent that. Fly them out. If they’re invested, and truly interested, they’ll do it. Then I realized my folly after they didn’t have an answer - they’re cheap fucks.

Hah, very true. i was thinking further back.

Everyone hates Sales except C-suite.

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No prob. Been there. Hope you eventually get it all sorted out.

I thought we cancelled Ellen.