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Not to mention also hoping that it doesn’t just bounce out of your brain when the next thought pops in
The topic always changes. You miss your chance. It bugs you so much that you hang onto the thought for weeks, months, or years, and bring it up promptly at the next opportunity.
“We talked about banana peels four years ago?”
“Almost five.”
“And, you waited for it to come up again to say that banana peels are used in water purification?”
“… yeah?”
“…”
Great, now I have to research how banana peels are used in water purification…
They are?! :o
You now possess “The Thought”. Good luck
It’s now a game of hot potato
With millions of simultaneous users!
Wait, no, I forgot we’re on Lemmy; with dozens of simultaneous users!
Meanwhile you get anxious about losing track of the conversation due to focusing too much on the thought causing you to do exactly that, thereby completely missing any opportunity to express said thought.
Sometimes I wonder how much this is a symptom of AuDHD specifically. ADHD people cannot hold “The Thought” but often just go with the flow anyway and it’s not as important. ASD peeps can hold “The thought” and feel the pressure to express it. AuDHD people simultaneously cannot hold it and feel the pressure to express it.
What about Ultra HD
They hold the thought in sharp, high-res focus and loop it in their head over and over, never forgetting.
I will perseverate on a topic going back to it because I need to info dump, but most people just don’t care about things to the same level of detail. =(
You need autistic friends
Exactly. I feel at home when I’m talking with friends and jumping around topics and going back to conversations that were started 5 topics ago after having derailed into a sub topic. We all are just like “oh yeah, we were talking about that”.
Hrm… when I am with my family (brothers and Sisters) our conversations are like this. Our partners find it a bit weird/intense/think we are always fighting but we think that’s just how it works…
Question about autistic friends, how do they/you feel like when someone politely and moderately informed-ly disagrees with your take on the topic of choice?
Personally I love it when people question or even disagree with me, yay learning something new or a new perspective, but sometimes the intensity makes expressing disagreement or “uh, actually, that’s a common misconception but…” feel offensive. (Yes, I know more/different aspects of a niche interest than an autistic friend of mine who is also into it, I’m as shocked as you are.)
Oh my friends and I argue for fun all the time! I actually find it a really forgiving space since we all struggle with things like RSD and I think it helps us learn to communicate when we are feeling things like that.
It’s really refreshing and nice not to have to mask my autism as well.
Its also very interesting because we all have our different special interests to infodump about :) It’s just a really colourful and loving group and it truly feels like a family (tbf we aren’t all autistic but many of us are and even more of us are ND–def over 50%)
Yeah, but that is a task made more difficult by my reluctance to be social.
The list of symptoms is really long for both autism and adhd and there’s significant overlap. The same goes for identified genetic risk factors (if there wasn’t I would definitely assume the genetics work was wrong). Trying to separate the two into clearly distinct categories is a good game in my view.
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Slowly realizing The Thought probably isn’t very related anyway and probably no one ever likes hearing all the dumb shit you have to say.
I don’t care, people should be thankful I grant them the knowledge I possess
Also, if I don’t say it I’ll explode and everyone is gonna cop shrapnel.
and also trying not to make strained facial expressions
Stop listening to respond and this won’t happen. Actively listen and you’ll always have something to add, at the end, when it’s you’re turn to speak.
Edit: Look y’all, I’ve been dealing with my ADHD unmedicated for over 20 years and I have to say sometimes you need to listen to the neurotypicals. Just because conversation skills like “active listening” don’t come natural to you doesn’t mean you should just discount the advice as neurotypical nonsense. Use those beautiful powers of observation and pattern reconition intentionally: listen, parse, connect back to context, respond. Believe it or not, you don’t need to have a response ready immediately, and most folks appreciate a few seconds of silence as it shows them you care enough to respond genuinely rather than just speaking.
Is this for 1 on 1 conversations? I feel like i do need a response ready, because there will never be more than about 1/10 of a second of silence bfcore someone else starts. I feel like the only way I’m ever gonna be anything other than silent all night is to be a little louder than the person who started talking half a second before or after me.
Believe it or not, you don’t need to have a response ready immediately
A lot of the time I do actually, especially in casual banter. Otherwise someone else who is more quick will reply instead and then I’ll lose both my response and probably what the original person even said.
I don’t have ADHD but the reason i hate talking is that there is always someone quicker than me that will talk before me and so giving me a block on everthing…ugh! I hate talking!
One of us! One of us!
XD
I have an autistic friend that I will have 4-5 hr conversations with because we both do this and it results in the conversation starting over 20 times because we just have to spit out that thought. And every time it starts over the conversation gets derailed on some other wild tangent. It’s like reading a “choose your own adventure” book but you keep flipping back to different choices because you just HAVE to know what every possible path can lead to.
Both of our spouses have learned that if we start talking they had better just cancel all plans for the evening because we are going to be going all night.
Can I be friends with your friend?
Hell yeah! 3 autistic weirdos going off on tangents would be absolutely wild, just make sure to inform your significant other you wont be home for a few days because you’ll be stuck in a conversation loop with unmedicated lunatics.
the more unmedicated lunatics join, the more days off are required until your group has to become a 4-Day Workweek advocacy group just to have enough time for conversations
*while also trying to listen to the others
And then you get another Thought, try to hold on to both of them, and well, you know well that works.
Sometimes I’ll have a joke related to the topic and am waiting to deliver it. Then the topic changes and it doesn’t work anymore. Only I know how good the joke was, and I carry that to my grave
You gotta find a clever way to bring the conversation back so you can deliver the joke. It is of the utmost importance.
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
I silently recite this to myself.
But now I just end up blurting out, “FEAR IS THE MIND KILLER.”
