I just wish I would stop thinking of ways I could hurt myself. It really sucks.
I just look at something, and I immediately think kf thr worst case scenario…
I’d hide behind cars as I walked down a sidewalk so that the other cars couldn’t hurt me.
Holding a tool would instantly make one of the worst ways to get hurt by it flash into my head. (Hack saw for trimming dead tree branches == instant gouging of hand)
And being unable to save people or animals i care about.
I’m a huge scaredy cat, apparently… always knowing what will go wrong with something before it happens.
I’m alright.
It took a lot of work to get here, though. People usually act less than friendly toward me, and it took me a long time to understand that it’s because of a vibes thing that I can’t really do much about.
It would be nice if I could find people who try to do better than surface-level judgments, but I’m not going to let others opinions and behaviour toward me affect my self esteem anymore.
Terrible 💪. One positive thing about me tho is I do keep going
Lol, I am not sure if this is what you intended, but I resonate with this. Pretext: I do a lot of therapy. I will tell my partner that I did not think about killing myself today and we micro-celebrate.
Let’s both keep going 💪
Minty! I needed that this morning. I’m in.
Honestly, I need to work on my opinion of other people much, much more. I do already really like myself, likely a little too much…
I tend to be a bit of an egocentric misanthrope when I don’t watch myself ; but at least, I know that I am, and I know that it’s a flaw, so I can do something about it.
I think I’m pretty decent. I’m lazy but I do what needs to get done. People seem to like me and I like a bunch of people. I’m nice to people and people tell me I’m smart but can be incredibly dumb at times.
I like myself, I like the work I put in to get there and I wish the same upon everyone.
I fundamentally dislike myself but refuse to allow that to stop me from becoming more.
I think we should all hope for people we dislike to better themselves ; even when those people include ourselves.
Self-positivity! Good job click click
I’m struggling with getting my work done, so not great there. But, I’ve got a good relationship with my boyfriend, so that’s good. Solid 5/10 I did my best?
If you did your best then it’s a 10/10 ! No one should be expected to do better than their best !
Personally to motivate myself, I focus on raising the first derivative of my performance (in a mathematical sense).
By which I mean : If I’m improving, I want to improve faster, or at least keep improving as fast. If I’m worsening, I want to slow down the worsening until I can turn it around.
Don’t be hard on yourself for failing (or not quite succeeding) today. Life is a journey where all you can really know and choose is how to take the next few steps.
There’s a podcast I just love: Weirds of a Feather. The host says, "Don’t give 110%! They’re not paying you for that. Do 60%, and now you have something to work to.
Very good, I think I’m probably one of the best humans on Earth, yet I still am far from perfect and have so many places where I can do better.
It is interesting, how most people stand on either side of the spectrum from “I hate myself” to “I love myself”, with very few in the centre.
I am with you on this one ; my default mode of thinking assumes that I am the best at everything, which is obviously not litterally true. I struggle to understand those on the other side ; whose default is to assume they are the worst.
Both modes are somewhat unhealthy, but I would much rather be on this end (although, isn’t this just what someone like us would say ? That they would rather be themselves than anyone else ?).
my default mode of thinking assumes that I am the best at everything
Well then you are not quite with me though, I’m not even remotely the best at most things, and I know that. Everyone is pretty terrible at the things they haven’t practiced, and I haven’t spent a significant amount of practice with most things.
But to me, it is not important in the evaluation of how good I am in total that I’m good at many things. Everyone has different things that they are good at. Rather, for example, my ability to accurately assess my skills in different areas is one of the things what makes me actually good, i.e. not overestimating myself in things I’m terrible at, and not underestimating myself in things I’m actually good at. I think that is a skill everyone should be good at.
Obviously, this whole evaluation includes a plethora of factors, and this is just one of them. Truly getting into why I think I’m probably one of the best humans around would take too long for such a casual thread, and is likely not even close to being desired information for anyone.
And it’s not even guaranteed that my evaluation is any good, and anyway, everybody’s evaluation is different. I do not actually know if the criteria by which I judge myself and others are good right now, it’s very possible they change in the future once I know more. Other people’s set of criteria might be better than mine. As such, I don’t actually presume to tell anyone what I think of them unless they specifically want to know.
I’m not at any specific “mode” and I do think my way of thinking about myself is very healthy.
HAHAHAHA, fuck no. I deserve all that the fucked up brain can conjure up and some more. But these are my demons, they are trapped inside that skull with me as much i am trapped with those. It’s eternal conflict and those shall be kept in bay. Hypocritically i would never treat anyone else the way i do myself.
You can find any subject and i will rather easily find a way why i suck at it.
Yeah sure therapy could help, but i suck at struggling as well as those problems aren’t severe enough or out of control to require professional help. There are countless number of people with much more disruptive problems who requore help much more than i do.
So in conclusion. Generally rather bad, self hatred runs deep, but it’s under control and i revel in it.
No one deserves anything in such an absolute sense. But if I can hazard a word of advice : as long as you consider them as demons, they will never be tamed.
I recommend the game “Celeste” for a good story and metaphor about just this.
Of course demons are an over exaggeration, but still unsolvable or hard to solve problems non the less.
Thanks, I’ll take a look at it. Though haven’t been able to play and focus on story based games for ages, so i cant promise it will be anytime soon.
It’s pretty gameplay-heavy, and the story is quite nice. Soundtrack slaps too. I second the recommendation to play it, it’s one of my top 3 games of all time.
Not to dog-pile you with positivity because what community is this… NAUTism? 😋
But you deserve love and respect just like anyone else. This world caters to neurotypicals. It’s not your fault. Even as I write this I struggle to fully embrace it. So, I am super glad you find energy in the chaos, I envy you for that, and I only want to serve as a bellwether to your future mental health. The things you think won’t affect you may come back in the most crippling of ways. Don’t let it overwhelm you. Others have gone through that and come out the other side.
That’s all. I hope you’ve heard this before and I’m wasting my time! 😉
Thank you, yeah i have heard it before and over the years it has been rather instrumental in helping to create a some form of a higher layer of reasoning I guess. Something that stops the negative spiraling getting out of hand, otherwise it can lead to depression again and that wasn’t pleasant, wouldn’t recommend.
Self hatred to a degree is still there, sometimes more, sometimes less, but there’s an overarching voice of reason that can see it’s irrational and not based in reality.
Yes it might become an issue further down the line, but that’s a problem I’m going to deal with when it happens. If i can squeeze out a few more years or even decades, it has been worth it. Not that there are anymore risks to mental breakdowns. Those were usually caused by alcohol and I’ve significantly reduced that intake.
Lol, are you me? 🤣
