Speaking for myself, I grew up in an extremely toxic environment. Honesty, misunderstandings, and dishonesty were punished equally. So telling the truth about three transgressions guaranteed that you received the punishment of each. Getting caught lying made little to no difference. But getting away with anything meant less punishment. This created an environment where it was ALWAYS beneficial to lie. This made me very good at deception as a young child. That made it very easy to manipulate those around me. I didn’t want to so it wasn’t that important to me, but it helped me survive and adapt.
But I got away from that place and met my partner who taught me complete trust and opened. No matter what I say, we work together and support one another. I have no incentive to deceive. Every once in a while I forget that no one is going to hit me for messing up and I start to lie. But even that is immediately accepted and appreciated. Additionally, we also have standing agreements that nothing is obligated. If you don’t want to talk about something, you don’t have to. And if you want to lie, you can. But after two decades, I love telling the truth. I feel so supported and safe.
Now, there are times I lie (to others mostly), but it is used as a tool more than a survival tactic. It is something I take my time with and decide to do.
Maybe your environment is not one that is safe to exist in? That was my issue.










No doubt. Mistakes and bad decisions happen. I rarely choose to do harm. Even when I have done harm, it was usually an unforeseen product of better intent. I can only assume that others share these sentiments. So it’s easy for me to rationalize the concept that:
Were I to confront an alternate but identical self, would I feel that I had any reason to deceive and would I be receptive to understanding or even empathy? No and yes, respectively and obviously. Therefore…
Were I to confront my closest friend, would I feel that they had any reason to deceive and would I be receptive to understanding or even empathy? Again, a no-brainer. No and yes. So…
Were my closest friend to confront me, should they feel that I had any reason to deceive and should they be receptive to understanding or even empathy?
I know what the answer should be. Self-empathy is tough. I exist in a place of love where I have no reason to deceive because forgiveness is guaranteed and empathy is the norm. But I still resist my own empathy because of learned trauma.
And I just realized that I wasn’t really sharing this for you because my brain went down a thought that you didn’t actually convey. 😆 I suppose this was moreso practice for my own mental health. My therapist is going to be so proud.
This is me and myself about to pat each other on each other’s back at the same time. 🙅 Good job, me!