lol yeah, skip-thinking people as they speak is skip-listening, but restraint can feel like meltdown containment
for anyone working on this, here’s a trick that helped me…
Try channeling that skip-ahead energy into “active listening.”
For example, asking them to clarify a detail (+significance) or emoting in anticipation (+empathy, +solidarity) or paraphrasing to check your understanding (+attentiveness) before encouraging them to continue (+curiosity).
Active listening is a great skill to practice for its own sake, but in the meantime it can offer you little bumps or relieve some pressure so you can remain engaged.
I don’t have adhd, but I want you gouge my eyes out when somebody tells me something long, i miss the last couple words, ask you repeat just the last 3 words and they start. All. Over. Again.
What it feels like to have a conversation with the person who made this meme and keeps getting it wrong.
So how does one stop the “understanding”? I want my brain to listen, not auto-complete then give up on listening to the rest.
Trying to fast forward dialog in real life:
Then my brain turns off, thinking of something else, then I miss what they were actually trying to say, then they start over.
FUUUUUUUCK
My wife does this and it drives me insane because she’s only right about 60% and then I have to start over because I need to say the whole thought again.
ADHDers favorite sport: jumping to conclusions
This is something I’ve very consciously tried to be correct my behavior on. It’s unfortunately and surprisingly hard to just shut up and let someone finish, but I’ve gotten a lot better at it. Now I find myself nodding and physically moving, ready to jump in the moment I can.
I work with one guy who is the worst at this. You can be in the middle of a sentence telling a story, and he’ll hijack it and pivot. He then will ramp up his volume as he talks to control the convo. It’s annoying, but I can empathize with him to an extent, and I don’t think he knows he’s doing it. It’s a tough line to walk sometimes.
It’s pretty validating to hear this. My partner, I love him to death, but oh my God when he tries to predict what I’m going to say and cuts me off to do so, it feels so rude. It’s like why should I bother speaking if you already have decided what I’m going to say? And it’s so often inaccurate.
I know it’s part of the ADHD processing so I try to dismiss it, I know he doesn’t mean to cut me off, but WOW is it trying.
I do this quiet often with my wife, I get it right more often than not. The problem that makes it so hard for to keep still is that she makes long pauses in the middle of the sentence, like she needs to think herself what she was about to say. I know it’s not nice to do but sometimes the feeling makes me prefer chewing glass.
My partner tells me something similar. That I make long pauses when I speak, that he’s usually right in his guessing and that not doing it is insanely stressful. It sounds incredibly frustrating, to be fair, so I’m trying hard to not be annoyed at what I, as a gut reaction, perceive is rudeness.
The thing is, that doesn’t really line up with how I experience it. I feel I get interrupted between words and it seems like I have to then pause and correct him more often than say “That’s right!” (Something I’m trying to do when he does guess correctly instead of getting annoyed at being interrupted).
So I wonder if there’s a common element in ADHD people thinking neurotypical people are talking much slower than the neurotypical perceive they are and if the instances of being incorrect feel more inconsequential or perhaps the instances of being correct in guessing are very validating in some way.
I think it’s a “confirmation bias” type of thing, which likely originally evolved to “reduce cognitive load,” so it is something that all human brains are designed to do unfortunately…
Or maybe it is fortunate? Who knows how torturesome it would be to experience no cognitive bias at ALL. How would you settle on a decision? Thinking of Chidi from The Good Place.
The dissonance between “I know what you are talking about before you’ve finished” and “i can barely focus on what you are talking about” is astonishing. I absolutely feel you.
Dissonance?
I know what you are talking about before you’ve finished, [but you keep talking anyway so] i can barely focus on what you are talking about
Being psychic would save so much time
Reminds me of an old joke.
Would people cut trees down if they could scream?
Omg, yes, absolutely. That would be the only way to shut them up.
I do this to my bf too. I don’t mean to. He does exactly what you do and also says I’m not right and I need to let him finish.
I then try to patiently wait for him to start over and get the whole thing, only to find out it was exactly what I thought he was saying to begin with. lol
I know it’s frustrating to talk to me. I’ve been told it all my life. I try hard not to do it, it happens involuntarily most of the time.
The first thing I taught my girlfriend was to listen instead of complete my sentences. At the time she was trying to make a living as a coach and failing at it to no surprise.
Lol, same. And yet will rail on about people (especially me) making assumptions.
You didn’t understand, you assumed.
You don’t know all of us, you’re assuming based on preconceived notions.
How many times does one have to understand, listen patiently anyway, and be proven correct 5 minutes later before it stops being an assumption?
be proven correct
ADHD is having difficulty focusing.
Hubris is assuming your inability to stay focused is some kind of precog superpower.
Annoying to deal with kids who insist “I know what you were going to say” one minute and “You didn’t tell me that!” the next. Infuriating to deal with adults who double down with therapy language.
ADHD is having difficulty focusing.
Isn’t it more having difficulty focusing for extended periods?
I’d say the phenomenon is more hyperfocusing long enough to figure out the point, and then getting frustrated as the speaker takes a long time to illustrate that point.
Isn’t it more having difficulty focusing for extended periods?
According to OP, they can’t even make it to the end of a sentence. shrug
I’d say the phenomenon is more hyperfocusing long enough to figure out the point,
and then getting frustrated as the speaker takes a long time to illustrate that point.
I definitely get feeling annoyed when someone rambles. And I get tuning out when a work presentation or a school lecture drags on. And I get feeling frustrated when a conversation or discussion is sidelined by minutiae.
But the “Um, aktuly, I don’t need to listen to this because I already know the answer” shit is extremely toxic behavior that inevitably sets people up to fail. If you’ve ever had to deal with student drivers before, it’s the way someone responds moments before they bend a fender.
Getting Overwhelmed is entirely different from Knowing The Answer In Advance.
I think you’re conflating a separate issue with the phenomenon OP depicted in the meme.
Every time. It doesn’t change with frequency. It’s the same every time
I swear this community is a better diagnosis than my local GP
But we don’t take your insurance.
No need for insurance here my friend.
Glad to hear you’re in a sensible part of the world 💕
I didn’t feel that way before but now I do: can you catch ADHD with old age?
Nah, planks aren’t that bad really.
What about having no skin?
I’ve never tried that before, but it sounds problematic.
And more than a little sticky.
That tracks.
For you.
Probably fairly traumatic for whoever sees it too though.
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I like to think that sentence finishing has something to do with brain synchronization
If their sentence takes more than a few seconds then they are most likely rambling on about tangential and irrelevant stuff instead of getting to the point. That is so painful.
If their sentence takes more than a few
Everything past that is just rambling about tangential and irrelevant stuff. You should just get to the point.
Now you are getting it!
