• BeardedSingleMalt@kbin.social
    1291·
    11 months ago

    • All the workers have forearm tattoos

    • At least 3 people are wearing beanies in the middle of summer

    • Bacon is $4 extra

    • The burger comes out on a bun drenched in butter and is so greasy/oily that halfway through it may as well have been served in a bowl

    • Nakedmole@lemmy.world
      211·
      11 months ago

      Also:

      • The waiter has a twirled moustache and wears a mesh shirt with a bowler hat
      • The $4 bacon is burned to charcoal strips
    • Nfamwap@lemmy.world
      181·
      11 months ago

      Drinks are served in jars, and your fries, well, you get 8 fries in a rusty old can.

    • Captain Aggravated@sh.itjust.works
      15·
      11 months ago

      The place is being run by 3 bearded lumbersexuals in flannel and ball caps having the time of their lives and a chick in overalls and her hair in a bandanna who could not be more over it.

    • Altima NEO@lemmy.zipEnglish
      5·
      11 months ago

      Also the heat is cranked up uncomfortably high. The air is muggy. The whole place smells of onion.

    • xX_fnord_Xx@lemmy.world
      3·
      11 months ago

      The sound is provided entirely by a neglected Technics 1200 that nobody knows how to adjust accept the barback that only works on Wednesdays and Fridays.

    • Shenanigore@lemm.ee
      2·
      11 months ago

      I hat that brushed butter bullshit. If you want a butter burger, it goes on the hamburger patty,

    • psmgx@lemmy.world
      2·
      11 months ago

      At this point pretty much all BOH staff in any resto are packing tons of tats. Probably easier to count the ones who don’t

  • A7thStone@lemmy.world
    72·
    11 months ago

    I hate those fucking stools. I swear they were invented to be so uncomfortable that once you’ve choked down that mediocre overpriced burger you want to leave as soon as possible because your ass hurts.

  • MentalEdge@sopuli.xyz
    551·
    11 months ago

    Why is this so accurate

    Half of the “artisan” burger chains in my city are marginally better than a fast-food chain. One, maybe two of them make burgers so good that they’re worth the occasional splurge.

  • NegativeLookBehind@kbin.social
    44·
    11 months ago

    There’s a BBQ place near me, and I ordered tater tots there once, as a side. They were $4. They literally gave me 4 tater tots. They were one dollar apiece.

    • Sabre363@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
      18·
      11 months ago

      There are two types of BBQ places; stingy, overpriced, gourmet bullshit with barely any sauce and greasy, messy, heart stopping heaven. The former always pretends to be the latter.

      • ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.worldEnglish
        9·
        11 months ago

        There’s also Mission BBQ which is stingy, overpriced, overly-sweet non-gourmet bullshit with jingoistic pro-military support-the-troops bullshit thrown in for good measure.

        • Railing5132@lemmy.world
          4·
          11 months ago

          Don’t forget the right-wing “we’re ignoring mask mandates in the height of the pandemic and not limiting seating because we’re god-fearin’ 'mercans here!” bullshit.

    • ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.worldEnglish
      5·
      11 months ago

      I ordered a gyro with a side of onion rings (the onion rings alone were $7) from a local place to take home. When I got home and opened the box of onion rings, I saw there were only six small (like, 1.5" in diameter) onion rings in the too-large box - more than a dollar per tiny ring. Next time I went I complained about the onion rings and they showed me the menu which said “6 onion rings” in the item description albeit in a tiny font. Like, they knew what complete and utter bullshit it was so they had to have something legal to fall back on.

  • Sekrayray@lemmy.world
    404·
    11 months ago

    This meme is either very old or was made by someone in the midwestern US (always years behind on fads).

    All of the bistro burger joints have gone the way of the dinosaur in my neck of the woods. Now it’s all smash burger fast food knock offs.

    • Track_Shovel@slrpnk.netOPEnglish
      191·
      11 months ago

      Good luck, honestly.

      $22.50 is a lot for a burger, but I’ve had some burgers that price that are life changing.

      • Shenanigore@lemm.ee
        53·
        11 months ago

        Mine are 17 but have a literal 3/4 lb (smoked) patty and 2 strips of real good old fashioned bacon, two fried texas garlic toasts for a “bun”, the real fancy french mustard and my house sauce, the best pickles ever, 5 onion rings but no side. I can do this because I’m a bar in the middle of nowhere, not in a major city with staff and massive expenses.

        • RedFox@infosec.pub
          3·
          11 months ago

          but no side

          You included all the sides on the burger!

          What’s the calorie count on that!?

          As I’m asking this nonsense question, I’m thinking of the punch burger commercial from the parks and rec show where they say who cares, put it in your body!

          • Shenanigore@lemm.ee
            2·
            11 months ago

            Ok apparently roughly 850 calories for the hamburger, 175 for the toast, 150 for the onion rings, 10 calories for the mustard, 100 calories for the special sauce going by the mayo base for 3 tbsps, 200 for the cheese and roughly 150 for the bacon. So…1700 calories at a minimum.

            • RedFox@infosec.pub
              1·
              11 months ago

              LOL, that’s awesome. Almost an entire days worth of calories. Sounds delicious. You printing the calories on the menu?

              This is the Parks and Rec Ponch burger this reminds me of. “Put it in your body or you’re a nerd!”

              There’s a place called Bub’s burgers where they do a 1lbs burger challenge. They’re actually pretty good too. Not sure about how it compares nationally.

              • Shenanigore@lemm.ee
                2·
                11 months ago

                No, not on the menu. I don’t actually eat like this myself, I’m a big dude, used to work the rigs, trades, cowboy, etcetera. I couldn’t get through half one of these monstrosities i make if I even try. Probably how I stayed reasonably thin when I was a trucker. Been cooking long enough to know what tastes good, I had owned this bar half a year before I even tried the burgers I was making people. When i do make myself hamburger, it’s like a quarter pound patty by itself and i just fork n knife it with some spicy sauce, or maybe with gravy.

          • Shenanigore@lemm.ee
            6·
            11 months ago

            yes. You can search facebook for the Lucky Loon Saloon of Tompkins, Saskatchewan for more details, there’s pictures of it, on a plate.

            • psmgx@lemmy.world
              2·
              11 months ago

              Tompkins, Saskatchewan

              Ohhhh you’re near Medicine Hat and the highway. That kinda makes sense now.

              • Shenanigore@lemm.ee
                2·
                11 months ago

                That’s right. Stop in for a burger, I’m open Tuesday to Sunday 1130 am to late. Tuesdays are beer n a burger 20 bucks, Thursdays 11 dollar wings (30+ flavours).

              • Shenanigore@lemm.ee
                3·
                11 months ago

                I mean I have a snow shovel, and ten percent bleach solution. Always willing to accommodate.

  • RHOPKINS13@kbin.social
    283·
    11 months ago

    To be fair, Five Guys is every bit as expensive. But I’ll take Five Guys over most of those places anyway. Free peanuts is tempting.

      • WetBeardHairs@lemmy.ml
        8·
        11 months ago

        Five guys will let you fuck your burger

        This echos my last five guys in restaurant people watching experience.

      • BottleOfAlkahest@lemmy.world
        3·
        11 months ago

        That’s also $15 with the option of every topping known to man ,and if you do add sides theyre enough for a meal on their own.

      • ursakhiin@beehaw.org
        1·
        11 months ago

        Man. Maybe I’m lucky, but the five guys near me is 11.29 for a full sized cheeseburger with no sides. 12.69 is the most expensive one with bacon but I usually just do the little one which is 8.79.

        They do charge an arm and a leg for the fries, though. Which I guess is to be expected since their measurements for a small fry is “all of them”

    • Interstellar_1@pawb.social
      1·
      11 months ago

      Have I just gone to a bad Five Guys? I went to one once last year and the burger was mediocre at best and the fries were greasy to the point of being sickening. I haven’t gone back since.

      • Pika@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
        2·
        11 months ago

        you defo went to a bad 5 guys, I’ve been to st least 6 different locations and have never been disappointed in the experience

      • Death_Equity@lemmy.world
        4·
        11 months ago

        American is typically more mild in taste and smoother than cheddar; unless we are talking Kraft Singles American, which is a smoother or creamier cheddar.

          • Death_Equity@lemmy.world
            2·
            11 months ago

            It does have emulsifiers and other dairy products in it. It has a higher moisture content, which the emulsifiers help to hold in suspension with the cheese. Without the emulsifiers the cheese would leak water/fluid out and the shelf life would be considerably shortened. The emulsifiers used are very common in many foods from almond milk to soft drinks.