Communication with NT is very hard and often frustrating. I now am in the situation to have people hard of hearing around me and it’s very difficult to cope.
It’s exceedingly frustrating to have sudden interruptions or other ‘plan changes’ in the communication due to them simply not hearing. Eg in the middle of a thing you are doing for someone they turn away because they think they are not addressed or the communication is over.
Do you have experience with this and if so, how do you deal with it?
Two things.
One is my grandfather declining rapidly in health in old age and apart from not really being comfortable around old people (fear of death or something) I also found it hugely difficult just to carry a conversation with the man. So I barely visited him at all before he died. I told myself and my mother that it was because he was in such a bad way and that’s not how I wanted to remember him. That’s partly true but I was just uncomfortable trying to communicate at all.
Then the other one: my wife frequently makes me repeat myself. And I’m fairly certain it’s not even because she didn’t understand me, it’s because she didn’t process what I said. I feel it’s more the disrespect of her not paying attention. And it happens at least daily. One time I sort of snapped and asked ‘Do I really speak that unclearly?’ and she sort of said that I do. But the thing is that others don’t seem to have that issue with me.
And the other way around is also very annoying. When I don’t understand others. And it’s not just auditory, either. Some people just really don’t know how to be clear. They just blurt out any couple of words, sometimes misspelled, and leave interpretation to me. I think it’s just a sign of disrespect if you communicate like that.
Edit: sorry, I just started my rant and forgot you wanted to know how I deal with it. Well, here comes the bad news: I adapt to others. I’ll repeat myself, slowly and more clearly. I go out of my way to try to figure out what others mean when they’re being unclear. Stuff like that. It’s exhausting really.
It’s fine, thanks for stating your experience!
This also regards elderly. And of course they see no fault in their behavior. It/they slowly degraded and of course they carry no part in the issues.
I can also emphasize in the experience with your wife, mine is the same. I really hate it when that happens and it leads to me asking if she’s ready for input, at which she sometimes gets annoyed but that seems a her problem, hehe.
I’ve found that when dealing with people somewhere else on the spectrum, i.e. closer to neurotypical, passive-agressiveness seems like a good solution, or at the very least a good way to convey annoyance, but it’s never a way to cultivate understanding.
I think it’s best to clearly state that this is something that you struggle with. There’s tons of ways to find a solution, particularly with people you’re around a lot, by first identifying what exactly the problem is.
But a simple tool to use when you’re in a bit of a silent hang and you want to say something, rather than diving straight in with your main point (efficient but pointless if you have to repeat it), you can say something useless to grab attention. Something that doesn’t need to repeating. Something like ‘Hey can I tell you something’.
The thing is the reason they’re not on constant alert may also be a sign of a disconnect somewhere. I’ve seen cases of people just not talking anymore because one person talked too much about stuff that the other didn’t find interesting, so their default is not to really listen anymore. The ‘this is probably going to be bullshit anyway’.
Then again, I’m not a therapist or trained in any of this stuff but it’s just my two cents.
Nah, they’re the type of people that don’t really think that stuff they don’t have to deal with does even exist. So talking about struggle would be more of a laugh to them.