This is called hypervigilance as a trauma response
Record yourself in a social situation and then play it back a week later. Cringe. Repeat.
How I survived this unwelcome gift of insight:
You think you see all those things. Not all of what you think you see is true.
Something I discovered when I started putting actual effort into masking was that the universal social cues, that were well understood by basically everyone else, were in fact neither universal nor well understood by everyone else.
A list of social cues would be helpful. You should write a book.
Dale Carnegie beat me to it
The famous grifter? I just heard a podcast about him! https://www.iheart.com/podcast/867-if-books-could-kill-104279346/episode/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people-298115714
Maybe? Don’t really know anything besides reading the book. Nonetheless, one of the main attributes of a grifter is the ability to read people, and his advice works, so.
Don’t really do podcasts (or anything but text), but that sounds interesting. Would you be so kind as to summarise?
Happy to, but i would need ti listen to it again first to remember the details. There are some books and other texts listed there as references if you’re interested in following those.
None of the resources seem particularly connected to calling him a grifter, though. The last article is the only one that has anything like a negative title, and the contents themselves are quite neutral.
I listened to it again last night, and I mostly agree. He did a few shady things, like lying to newspapers, making up fake stories about fake people that his seminars helped, and then using the newspaper articles to drum up more business. And a lot of techniques (like selling self help books or seminars) were later exploited by grifters.
But it seems like his book and seminars genuinely did help people, with mostly good advice.
There was also the criticism that his advice, if followed to the T, would have you avoid all conflict in order to get along with people, when the real world isn’t like this. Also, some of his advice for women is dated by the time period in which it appeared.
But on the whole, a lot of his book is good advice, like listen to people, try to be genuinely interested in what they say, try to find things you genuinely appreciate about them and avoid empty compliments, and even had the neurotypical compliment that the advice was “obvious” but a good reminder neverless.
One last funny fact about him was that his name was originally spelled differently, but he had it legally changed to match the spelling of Andrew Carnegie’s name, so he could lean into people assuming that they were related.
You have cptsd too?
“I’m an empath”
> Looks inside
> Childhood trauma
Ain’t nothing powers empathy than a keen sense of right and wrong
Or a moral injury
Yes, and I almost always say or do the most awkward shit in response to my overanalysis of the interaction. Then I beat myself up about it for anywhere between 24 hours and 20 years
I just keep overthinking what to say or ask to be polite so I end up being quiet and looking like I was having bad time.
I learned that I’m the “don’t notice cues” type, but I learned to (kinda) read a room. After reading rooms for a while, I realized it was bullshit and started brazenly defying the stupid ones. It’s very fun to openly challenge management, btw
I notice all the social cues on multiple levels and I’ve decided that knowing that stuff is only useful on a subconscious level that I’m not even aware of. So I just trust my gut.
Can some people describe an example of this, because i can’t relate to it in the slightest.
I’ve been trying to articulate this for years now but couldn’t string together those words so efficiently
I thought I was, now I just listen to my heart and do what comes to me, forget all the social business, I’m a good person and tired of second guessing myself
Same. Getting older helped a lot. Giving way fewer fucks now!
Involuntarily rendered muted or, occasionally, enraged.
I am in this picture and i dont like it
