Ants in Gaelic.

• They’re ubiquitous
• They have a very different lifestyle, so would be super interesting to talk to
• They eat all sorts of things, can get anywhere, and can fuck up electronics. Seems like a nice friend to have…
• They are warlike and territorial, so I’m hoping for some leeway in terms of judgment for what humans have done to the planet.

Gaelic because whimsy

Most communication is based on the context of our society. I bet we wouldn’t understand the context of Dolphins for example.

Better communicate with intention. When you make good intentions clear, have patients, move slow, etc, then you can attempt communication with many animals already.

I can communicate with my cat, and I understand perfectly when she wants dinner. I can signal her that she needs to wait for a little while. I can understand her frustration when the neighbor cat visits our garden. I can see in the neighbor’s cat’s eyes he just want to chill here because of his enthusiastic dog housemate. I still have to figure out what that blue-tit wants from me. I left him some fresh water, see where that goes. It could be it just tries to tell me it’s a bit busy in the backyard…

Crows. I think they would have stuff to say.

Trees

Octopi would be awesome to speak with. Or really any intelligent deep sea creature

cats. they are either the dumbest creatures on the planet or the most cunning smartasses.

Dogs, but only so I can yell “bark” at them in their language

I’d like to speak to tardigrades in Inuktitut. I’m pretty sure neither of us speak or understand it, it’s just something I’d like to do.

Bottlenosed dolphins and then orcas.

Orcas are the smartest creatures on the planet,
so they’ll have a lot to say.

But bottlenosed dolphins are animals I think we could actually learn their language most easily from, due to their interest in us.

And I would choose to communicate them in their language, because that’s the most realistic.
And I’ve written down a method on how to do exactly that.

You just create an underwater vending machine for them that lists a couple of random nonsensical words dolphins are able to repeat, any of these nonsensical dolphin words is on order of a toy/food that if dolphin were to repeat, would be similar to a button press on the vending machine, delivering the toy of food item. Then after they have learned how to mimic these words, you then have the vending machine add an additional function where the dolphins can change the settings of the vending machine, thus giving the dolphins the opportunity to reprogram the spoken orders of the vending machine.

The idea is that they will naturally start to reprogram the vending machine to turn the random words into words of their own language.

The answer is beetles I would command them to band together and take over the world.

Bristlecone pine trees.

Well, I have chickens, so that’s the obvious answer. But I already know what they’d say and it amounts to “feed me” 24/7

So, the next obvious answer is dogs because I love them so much. But, beyond the fantasy of it, I suspect that would end up depressing as fuck because not every dog has a good life, so what they say might drive me to homicide.

Which leaves rats. I’d go with “rodents” given the choice, but if I can only pick one, rats are the most problematic overall. The chance to talk to them and maybe negotiate them buggering off instead of getting killed would be both awesome, and possibly profitable when successful.

Snarky reply: humans.

Actual reply: dogs. I already talk to my dog in English

Personally, I choose the Mourning Doves. I’d like to be able to let some of them know that it’s ok to move if their significant other passes.

Also to use them to gather information, or send them on little flight retrieval missions for coins and trinkets and what not.