Jizzed my pants

The world’s full of assholes, and we all know what assholes are full of

Once upon a time, there was a man who decided he wanted to get away for a bit. So his filled up his truck with gas and filled his motorcycle with gas and put it on the back of truck. So he gets in the truck  and he drives and he drives  and he drives and he drives and he drives and he drives and he drives and he drives and he drives and he drives and he drives  and he drives and he drives and he drives and he drives and he drives and he drives and he drives and he drives and he drives until he runs out of gas.

Then he takes the motorcycle off the motorcycle off the back of the truck and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides until the motorcycle runs out of gas.

So he gets off and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks until he can’t walk anymore. He reaches a hotel and walks in to ask if he can have a room.

“Sure,” says the manager, “but I have to tell you one thing.” So they go into the living room where there’s a table. He takes the candlesticks off the table, the chairs away from the table, the table off the rug, and the rug off the floor. There’s a trapdoor there, which opens to reveal a long flight of steps.

So they climb and they climb and they climb and they climb and they climb and they climb and they climb and they climb until they’re down the stairs. They’re now in a long tunnel, so they walk and they walk and they walk and they walk and they walk  and they walk  and they walk  and they walk  and they walk until they reach a wooden door. He picks the key up off the floor, unlocks the door, opens the door, goes through the door, locks the door, and puts the key back on the floor.

And then they walk  and they walk and they walk and they walk and they walk and they walk and they walk and they walk and they walk until they reach a metal door. He picks the key up off the floor, unlocks the door, opens the door, goes through the door, locks the door, and puts the key back on the floor. There are two green hills, so they walk and they walk and they walk and they walk and they walk and they walk and they walk over the two green hills. They finally reach a clearing with a table. On the table is a cage, and in the cage is a purple gorilla.

“Whatever you do,” the manager says, “don’t touch the purple gorilla.” And so they turn around and they walk and they walk and they walk and they walk and they walk and they walk over the two green hills. They walk and they walk and they walk and they walk and they walk and they walk and they walk over the two green hills. Then they reach the metal door.

They’re now in a long tunnel, so they walk and they walk and they walk and they walk and they walk  and they walk  and they walk  and they walk  and they walk until they reach a wooden door. He picks the key up off the floor, unlocks the door, opens the door, goes through the door, locks the door, and puts the key back on the floor.

They’re back in another long tunnel, so they walk and they walk and they walk and they walk and they walk  and they walk  and they walk  and they walk  and they walk until they reach the stairs. So they climb and they climb and they climb and they climb and they climb and they climb and they climb and they climb until they’re up the stairs.

They exit through the trap door, put the rug over the trap door, the table back in place, then the chairs at the table and the candlesticks back on the table.

So, the man is lying in his room later and thinks, “You know, I wonder why I’m not allowed to touch the purple gorilla.”

So he goes into the living room. He takes the candlesticks off the table, the chairs away from the table, the table off the rug, and the rug off the floor. And he climbs and he climbs and he climbs and he climbs and he climbs and he climbs and he climbs and he climbs down the stairs and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks until he reaches the wooden door. He picks the key up off the floor, unlocks the door, opens the door, goes through the door, locks the door, and puts the key back on the floor. And then he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks until he reaches the metal door. He picks the key up off the floor, unlocks the door, opens the door, goes through the door, locks the door, and puts the key back on the floor. Then he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks and he walks over the two green hills until he reaches the purple gorilla.

He reaches in and pokes it. The gorilla starts going crazy in the cage. It starts thrashing about before suddenly breaking it open. So the man turns and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs over the two green hills. He reaches the metal door, and he picks the key up off the floor, unlocks the door, opens the door, goes through the door, closes the door, locks the door, and puts the key back on the floor. He starts walking away, thinking there’s no way the gorilla can get through a metal door, before he hears a ‘BOOM’ behind him.

The gorilla broke down the door! So he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs until he reaches the wooden door. He pick the key up off the floor, unlocks the door, opens the door, and runs through it, figuring that the gorilla would be able to get through a wooden one. He runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs until he gets to the stairs and he climbs and he climbs and he climbs and he climbs and he climbs and he climbs and he climbs and he climbs until he gets back to the living room. He slams the trapdoor shut, puts the rug on the floor, the table on the rug, the chairs up to the table, and the candlesticks on the table. He walks back to his room, hoping the gorilla wouldn’t be able to get through. He goes in, and finds the purple gorilla in his room.

So he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs and he runs until he reaches his motorcycle, which has magically been refilled with gas. He gets on it and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides and he rides until he reaches his truck, which has also been magically refilled with gas.

He gets in the truck and he drives and he drives and he drives and he drives and he drives and he drives and he drives and he drives and he drives and he drives and he drives and he drives and he drives and he drives and he drives until he runs out of gas. And he runs and runs and runs, with the gorilla still following… After a while, he starts to think, “This gorilla is going to chase me until I die. I might as well stop and let him catch me.” So he slows down and comes to a stop, turning to face it. It still runs towards him, but slows down once it notices the man has stopped. Finally, it walks up to the man, taps his shoulder, and says, “You’re it.”

slow clap starts

No idea, they had their foil hats in, so my mind reading ray faioede

I’m going to send bags of old, dried up jizz back to them

That was one of many things I said as well.

Life is a trip!

I was driving the speed limit and a guy decided that wasn’t fast enough. Ripped around me honking, flipped me off and I thought that was it.

Instead, he came back and crossed into my lane so I had to run off the road. Luckily, it was into a fairly flat section so all it did was bump the gas shutoff thing. But, the switch to cut that back in was in the rear, so I had to get out to activate it.

While I was doing that, the guy came back again, screeched to a stop and jumped out with a knife. He came at me. Unfortunately for him, we had been training vs knives at the dojo I trained with.

He got me on the arm a couple of times, but I disarmed him and the knife dropped. He started going after it, and despite me screaming at him to just fucking stop, he wouldn’t.

So, I kept him from being able to reach the knife. By the time I had ahold of him, my temper had snapped and I used more than minimum necessary force to make sure he couldn’t keep coming. Part of that was slamming him in the road face first, and some kicking.

When I left, he was breathing and in the recovery position, and that was that.

Dude was most likely on meth. He certainly had the usual visual effects of long term meth use, and was talking nonsense. Random strings of words, not just weird shit. Only coherency was stuff like “fuck you up”.

I’ve never had to go that hard with anyone that wasn’t drunk or drugged out. Anyone else does the usual exchange of blows, or (after I trained for a while) realized they weren’t going to get anything done, and backed off. But, that’s the only person that I know wasn’t going to be able to get up on their own. The other ones, while they got hurt, I could tell with a quick check that they would be able to walk away eventually. That guy was in bad shape.

No?

Probably?

Came close a few times though, and one of those I left laying where they were and have no idea what happened to them, just that there were no news reports about a dead guy in the road

Sometimes life throws you into situations where there’s no good choices, and you have to choose what you consider the lesser evil. Like elections and some drunk or drugged asshole coming at you with intent. My choice is always going to be to preserve myself, even at the expense of the asshole coming at me.

Now women and children? Hundreds of those! (Hey, don’t forget what c/ this is. At least part of an answer is going to be shitty)

Most of the time, sync, because I prefer my scrolling and reading on a tablet, and having dual columns that are easy to parse is more important than most other factors.

Boost is my backup for the same reason, since so far all the otherwise great lemmy first apps don’t do dual column well, when they do it at all.

That being said, check out connect, summit, and thunder. All damn fine apps overall

Damn. I have a hard time pinning that down. Way easier by genre, but even there I wouldn’t come to a permanent conclusion since the process is highly dependent on what I remember.

Most of the time, I end up on Fight Club. It’s my most rewatched movie for sure. It hits the right buttons between tight acting, phenomenal camera work, a structure that works, and a concept that can be challenging when first encountered. I hate that it got turned into a symbol for morons that only look at the surface of it, but that’s people for ya; they’ll take the exact opposite message from something and run with it like a pair of scissors.

That being said, I’ve watched spaceballs damn near as many times, along with young Frankenstein. Most of the Brookes ouvre rank pretty damn high for me, and dominate my comedy folders.

But there’s also Princess Bride that’s such a simple and comfortable movie, and Rocky Horror that thrills, chills, and fulfills me. All of those, I’ve seen so many times I’ve lost count, but reach triple digits (and probably exceed that considering I’ve been known to put any of those on to help me sleep when insomnia is kicking my ass, and some nights I’ll go through multiple via playlist now that digital exists).

Honestly? I’m of the mind that unless someone is altered by external matters, everything we do is in character, just not necessarily things we prefer. By external, I mean something like a drug, heat exhaustion, etc, that changes how our brain and body function, and thus can lead to success/behaviors that we wouldn’t do at all otherwise.

Everyone feels anger and wants to scream a little, even if extremely rarely. That kind of thing, it’s all a matter of how extreme the situation is vs the internal resources available. Stuff like asking for a hug is sorta inverse in vibe, but the same principle.

I get what you’re asking, and I’m not poopooing it, just prefacing my actual response.

For me, my out of character stuff is when I’m social. I don’t like most people, and dislike groups of people even when it’s a group of people I like. So in those rare times when I want to go out among strangers, particularly if I want to go along, that’s such a rare and unusual thing that I think it counts for what you’re asking. But it is still part of my character, just a very tiny part (unlike me getting sick enough of people to do some screaming lol)

Alas, the bottom half.

Look, my entire left arm, right testicle, and half my cock are pure chocolate at this point

Ph , ampere waifu, let minute me be your voltage simp!

Surprise and fear.

Nobody expects the septic inquisition

Go park in front of an elementary school, climb on the hood of your car, and masturbate while screamsinging “jesus loves the little children”

I mean, would I prefer to fuck tigers? Obviously

Lmao! Good point