Under what does someone fall, who regularly forgets that sex exists, immune to flirting, needs external reminders/influence and effort to get in to the mood, cant wrap their head around attraction at all and completely hates the hand their dealt with?
Hey now! I may be autistic but I assure you I don’t ever forget sex exists and im horny like 90~95% of the time, but I am completely oblivious to flirting or interesting shown so that doesn’t get mitigated as much as I’d like
Probably because the identities we circle back to often have merit even if we don’t like it (the number of years I kept finding stupid arguments that I wasn’t trans…)
It sounds like you dislike this about yourself. You could check to see if there’s a medical issue causing extremely low libido. But fair warning, it may just result in you being horny and not finding anyone attractive.
Yes i kinda dislike it as it is a source of problems and just accepting it wouldn’t really solve any issues.
Sadly I’ve been trying to fix it for years, problems probably started or at least become noticable over a decade ago. By now i have already exhausted approved medical and physical means in trying to fix it, even started replacement therapy eventually as test levels were on the low end even despite doing as much as possible to boost those.
While it has had rather good outcome on overall physical and mental health, it hasn’t had any effect on libido.
Haven’t yet delved into balck market or anabolic steroids territory, yet and of course therapy is still left, but that’s rather expensive and social stigma is kinda strong on that subject. Especially for a guy who seemingly shouldn’t have any issues regarding it.
But there is, it causes problems and puts unproportionaly much pressure on the other side. Aka the other side needs to do the initiating 99% of the times, which creates the feeling of not being wanted.
Coupled with the constant rejection as well isn’t that good on self esteem either.
Like in relationships posts which get more popular, there are always guys who complain how they’re tired from constantly initiating and don’t feel wanted, which leads to them just giving up all together.
Let me put it this way: Do you hate a gay man for not wanting to fuck women? Asexuality is a valid part of the spectrum. If you have no interest, then you have no interest. But it doesn’t mean you can’t have an intimate relationship or love. Plenty do it. The key is communication - if your partner thinks you have sexual feelings but are rejecting them then it’s a very different beast to "I don’t have sexual feelings for anyone"
there are always guys who complain how they’re tired from constantly initiating and don’t feel wanted
If you’re talking the broader complaints of society here, that’s a very different kettle of fish, and a lot of it is tied into not doing the work before just going “snog me, woman!”
I apologize in advance if it gets too depressive or over sharing. I’ve noticed over the years that just writing things down can be kinda helpful in at least articulating and getting a better understanding of my own mental processes.
Fair, yeah i wouldn’t hate another individual over something that simple aka gay man not wanting to fuck woman. It’s rather easy to accept other individuals than oneself.
It’s so much more easier to hate oneself and beat oneself up, even if it’s completely irrational. It’s something that can be done, even if detrimental, but it gives at least some form of an illusion over having control over it.
Like not remembering to initiate more or being too tired and not pushing through it or forgetting actions that make the partner feel wanted or the equipment being already fully primed and ready to go, but the mind not being there. If i fail those, it’s my fault. I have to do better and try harder. Maybe if i keep searching for long enough i will eventually find a cure or a fix.
Accepting asexuality seems like giving up without a fight, like surrendering.
While love and intimacy might be rather complicated concepts for me, as I’ve understood yes those are possible without sex, but once again from a practical perspective overwhelming majority of people do see sex as the main distinction between friendship and a relationship. So the lack of drive or desire is going to be a rather huge disadvantage.
Yes i know and been told that I’m not supposed to “date” half the population, so the disadvantage shouldnt matter, but i never did manage to figure out what’s supposed to be the driving force beyond practicality then.
On the broader complaints part. Fair, probably a bad example as i tried to show the effect of not feeling wanted and the burden of being the one who disproportionately has to initiate, while taking it from a too biased perspective and not properly knowing the background details, though it still does hit rather close to home being at the opposite end of it.
I may have gotten my terms mixed up, but I think demi is reactive sexuality, someone who gets turned on by their partner getting turned on. Requires a bond / connection. Not really interested without it.
I’m not super familiar with terms on that ace spectrum though. It’s somewhere on there.
Fair, reactively getting turned on kinda fits under outside influence part. Though cant tell anything about the bond/connection aspect, as thats way too vague and complicated for me.
Under what does someone fall, who regularly forgets that sex exists, immune to flirting, needs external reminders/influence and effort to get in to the mood, cant wrap their head around attraction at all and completely hates the hand their dealt with?
Autistic.
Hey now! I may be autistic but I assure you I don’t ever forget sex exists and im horny like 90~95% of the time, but I am completely oblivious to flirting or interesting shown so that doesn’t get mitigated as much as I’d like
Well yeah, little bit of that too. That’s what probably makes it more confusing.
That would be asexual
Ace, or graysexual
Damnit, why i always circle back to that one.
Probably because the identities we circle back to often have merit even if we don’t like it (the number of years I kept finding stupid arguments that I wasn’t trans…)
It sounds like you dislike this about yourself. You could check to see if there’s a medical issue causing extremely low libido. But fair warning, it may just result in you being horny and not finding anyone attractive.
Yes i kinda dislike it as it is a source of problems and just accepting it wouldn’t really solve any issues.
Sadly I’ve been trying to fix it for years, problems probably started or at least become noticable over a decade ago. By now i have already exhausted approved medical and physical means in trying to fix it, even started replacement therapy eventually as test levels were on the low end even despite doing as much as possible to boost those.
While it has had rather good outcome on overall physical and mental health, it hasn’t had any effect on libido.
Haven’t yet delved into balck market or anabolic steroids territory, yet and of course therapy is still left, but that’s rather expensive and social stigma is kinda strong on that subject. Especially for a guy who seemingly shouldn’t have any issues regarding it.
Aro/ace.
You need to work on detangling intimacy and sex in your brain, there’s no reason to hate lack of drive.
But there is, it causes problems and puts unproportionaly much pressure on the other side. Aka the other side needs to do the initiating 99% of the times, which creates the feeling of not being wanted. Coupled with the constant rejection as well isn’t that good on self esteem either.
Like in relationships posts which get more popular, there are always guys who complain how they’re tired from constantly initiating and don’t feel wanted, which leads to them just giving up all together.
no, there is no reason to hate lack of drive.
Let me put it this way: Do you hate a gay man for not wanting to fuck women? Asexuality is a valid part of the spectrum. If you have no interest, then you have no interest. But it doesn’t mean you can’t have an intimate relationship or love. Plenty do it. The key is communication - if your partner thinks you have sexual feelings but are rejecting them then it’s a very different beast to "I don’t have sexual feelings for anyone"
If you’re talking the broader complaints of society here, that’s a very different kettle of fish, and a lot of it is tied into not doing the work before just going “snog me, woman!”
I apologize in advance if it gets too depressive or over sharing. I’ve noticed over the years that just writing things down can be kinda helpful in at least articulating and getting a better understanding of my own mental processes.
Fair, yeah i wouldn’t hate another individual over something that simple aka gay man not wanting to fuck woman. It’s rather easy to accept other individuals than oneself. It’s so much more easier to hate oneself and beat oneself up, even if it’s completely irrational. It’s something that can be done, even if detrimental, but it gives at least some form of an illusion over having control over it.
Like not remembering to initiate more or being too tired and not pushing through it or forgetting actions that make the partner feel wanted or the equipment being already fully primed and ready to go, but the mind not being there. If i fail those, it’s my fault. I have to do better and try harder. Maybe if i keep searching for long enough i will eventually find a cure or a fix.
Accepting asexuality seems like giving up without a fight, like surrendering.
While love and intimacy might be rather complicated concepts for me, as I’ve understood yes those are possible without sex, but once again from a practical perspective overwhelming majority of people do see sex as the main distinction between friendship and a relationship. So the lack of drive or desire is going to be a rather huge disadvantage.
Yes i know and been told that I’m not supposed to “date” half the population, so the disadvantage shouldnt matter, but i never did manage to figure out what’s supposed to be the driving force beyond practicality then.
On the broader complaints part. Fair, probably a bad example as i tried to show the effect of not feeling wanted and the burden of being the one who disproportionately has to initiate, while taking it from a too biased perspective and not properly knowing the background details, though it still does hit rather close to home being at the opposite end of it.
Pretty sure that’s demi.
Others are saying grey or ace. Why demi then?
I may have gotten my terms mixed up, but I think demi is reactive sexuality, someone who gets turned on by their partner getting turned on. Requires a bond / connection. Not really interested without it.
I’m not super familiar with terms on that ace spectrum though. It’s somewhere on there.
It’s not reactive, it means that attraction is conditional on an emotional bond existing: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demisexuality
Fair, reactively getting turned on kinda fits under outside influence part. Though cant tell anything about the bond/connection aspect, as thats way too vague and complicated for me.