What the title says. Well intentioned, often other “neurodivergent” people look at your life, your autism, and say: “you should mask harder.”

For example, I accidentally said something that offended a friend. Won’t go into detail, but it was me unintentionally coming off as arrogant, not something bad like a slur or hate speech.

I asked for advice (elsewhere) and the advice was universally, “you see, NT avoid this topic at all costs. Going forwards, know it is best to avoid this topic.”

But isn’t this just saying “mask harder and be more palatable for everyone else”?

Every piece of “autism advice” I see even in “neurodivergent friendly” communities is basically “how to be less autistic.”

  • markko@lemmy.world
    3·
    2 days ago
    • Do autistic people, as individuals, not have rules in their own head about how people should interact with them?

    I’m sure most do, but it’s far more likely for their rules to be ignored/overridden if they don’t fit in with society’s idea of normal.

    For example, an autistic person who does not like being touched is more likely to be seen as the “problem” than someone who tries to shake their hand or give them a hug. People who are close to them will probably learn to respect to that individual’s personal rules, but NTs seem to less adaptable to social change, particularly if it’s inconvenient to them.

    Are there not rules that both autistic peeps and NTs have in common?

    Definitely, but a lot of them exist for good reasons. I suppose I’m talking more about the seemingly arbitrary rules here.

    In social groups composed entirely of autistic people, would another set of norms emerge that could get someone in the group scolded if they broke them, just like in the rest of society?

    In my experience there just generally seem to be fewer “global” rules, but when rules are broken people get over it more quickly.

    When a NT person upsets an autistic person because they broke a norm they weren’t familiar with, wouldn’t they also feel bad and try to remember not to do that in the future?

    I guess this depends on the person, but that applies to everyone, not just NTs.