Hey y’all. Just wanted to vent a bit. I’ve been feeling really down lately, mostly because lately it feels like no matter what I do or how hard I try I can’t seem to make people understand me. It doesn’t really seem to matter if I’m talking to another neurodivergent person or not, people just assume they know what I’m saying and run with it. It just keeps happening and it’s been creating more and more conflict at work, with my friends, with random people I have to deal with day to day. I feel so much like a fucking alien lately, like I’m speaking some language that no one around me understands but thinks they do. I had a meltdown the other day at a work friend who just could not stop for half a second to listen to what I was saying. I don’t know if it’s something I’m doing, I’m sure people will read this and assume that it is. At this point it doesn’t even matter it just feels so pointless to even try. I want to cry with how badly I want someone to just listen to what I’m saying and try to actually understand. Like literally that’s all I want, but it never seems to happen these days. I feel like it’s going to cost me my job and friends. I feel like I’m going to lose everything and have to start my life over again somewhere else. I see how this is really a me problem. It’s not fair but the burden is on me to make people understand what I’m saying. I see how my lack of energy and motivation to do so is making it impossible for me. I want to put forth the effort but I just have nothing left. I fucking hate myself for that, even knowing it’s not really my fault. Thanks for reading if you got this far. This was stream of consciousness.
If it’s any consolation, everything you wrote above makes perfect sense. It’s not uncommon. It’s not just you.
I think the reason a lot of human speech is useless small talk is because people barely understand each other, and small talk gives them a baseline to start with.
Anything more complex than that, and it’s a crap shoot.9
I think there are so many things that are taken as granted and therefore omitted in the communication. This makes it more difficult to communicate as the personal experience of the participants diverges. Sometimes a wide gap will cause awareness, and therefore exposition of some of the normally unspoken components.
I see the same thing with “common sense”. People assume everyone knows these things, hence the label. However the knowledge under that label is actually the accumulation of many small lessons, any number of which might have been skipped by any individual. Especially today, as more and more people are raised by screens instead of parents and community, people can end up with glaring gaps in their accumulated knowledge.
Personally I do my goddamn best to make sure I understand what the other person is talking about. I’m sorry you have to deal with that with what sounds like fucking everyone in your life. That sounds truly awful, and I would probably just stop talking to people after trying so hard like that (hey, wait a second…).
One time I was talking with my therapist, and she complimented me on how I didn’t talk over her or interrupt and actually listened to what she had to say which made me a bit confused, like, people actually do that? In a therapy session even? But thinking back, yeah, a lot of people I’ve been around, even those I considered friends and generally nice people, often didn’t have the patience to hold a conversation past a certain point unless they were inebriated (and by then they were talking about nothing). So yeah, it’s not you. That’s just people, and I think especially recently with all the horrible things happening and being amplified by media networks; it can be too much so they just want to go home and forget. They don’t want to give people enough time to express themselves, maybe they think it’s dangerous, albeit unconsciously. I would think this is especially true in the states, in it’s current state (hah).
Well, that’s just my ramblings in response to yours. Light and beauty, fren.
This is so relatable. I don’t have any advice for you, but I know that for me it has taken a few years to figure out how to cope with this better.
Not that it’s “Mission Accomplished”, but I do feel much better adjusted now. I don’t get as angry as I used to when I am not being heard/understood, and I also don’t try too hard to make others understand me. I just do my best to communicate my thoughts and feelings (whatever that may look like in the circumstances), and leave the rest up to the other person to figure out for themselves.
I’m super proud of myself for having been able to survive in the interim as I gathered whatever skills were needed to get to this level of acceptance. I sincerely hope that you can, too ❤️🩹
Im sorry to hear youre having such a hard time stranger. I hate when people don’t listen or try to understand. I hope you
I want to point something out
“I want someone to just listen to what I’m saying and try to actually understand. Like literally that’s all I want… but it never seems to happen these days. I feel like it’s going to cost me my job and friends. I feel like I’m going to lose everything and have to start my life over again somewhere else.”
Unless im misunderstanding, then starting over may be better for you. A friend at the bare minimum should make you feel heard seen and understood at least most of the time with them.
I had a similar issue. I felt undervalued and misunderstood at work and with friends. I would end up feeling my saddest and most alone with those friends.
Starting over can seem daunting especially with how are it can be for folks like us to make new ones. But it may well be worth it for you like it was for me. Idk if that’s helpful stranger. I wish you the best of luck and i hope you find people that put as much effort into understanding and hearing you as you put into others 😁