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The modern version is gonna be:
Us: We achieved interplanetary travel and transitioned to renewable energy.
People from the future: slop people haha. Look they are talking to the clanker like its human ahahaha. Oh my god look they let it raise their child.
“We’re a network of ethnic groups, kingdoms, confederacies, and warrior clans. We transcend even being ‘a’ culture. We are a legion of diverse groups. Our people arrived when this land was empty, and we have dominated it - half a continent - comfortably, for 15,000 generations.”
“So, uh… What’s that big thing over there?”
“Well, we found that creating massive, highly engineered earthworks helps us with both agricultural and security tasks. And it’s some high value real estate, we do get huge floods occasionally, so our libraries are uusually higher up, also.”
“So, just mounds of dirt?”
“Mou- What? No, these require years of planning, and -”
“Mounds! Mounds! You’re all Mound People! Mound People! Mound People!”
“Ugh…”
Tale as old as (no idea wtf autocorrect did there) time with exonyms. Ex: Anasazi vs Ancestral Puebloans. In the early 1900s when archaeologists started getting interested in Ancestral Puebloan sites, they misapplied the Navajo name for them, which basically means ‘ancestors of our enemies.’ Obviously not what most people want to be referred to as!
Develop agriculture and domesticate animals and become the first species in 3.7 billion years to finally beat the constant struggle for food and basically defeat hunger as a society and nobody says shit.
Draw one picture of a stick figure fucking a giant sloth on a cave wall and you will be known as the Northern Slothfuckers for all of history.
Cause settling down led to capitalism. I’m still pissed at those fools.
Make sure to visit rotatingsandwiches.com. Truly a website I didn’t know I needed
Thanks… now I’m hungry.
What culture are we going to be for the aliens who discover our remains ten thousand years from now?
“This is Trash Planet, former home of the Trash Aliens. They seemed to really, really love making trash.”
It was a ritual fetish act.
Would aliens in 10000 years even be able to tell the difference between trash and … well, not trash? They’d probably just think that we were really into plastic. Which isn’t wrong - I literally bought a plastic mixing bowl this week (it was that or steel, and I hate the noise of steel bowls).
mixing bowls are the fucking worst
plastic: scratches really easily, probably toxic, environmental nightmare
ceramic: heavy af, breaks easily
glass: heavy af, breaks easily
wood: literally porous, pain in the ass to clean, can’t go in dishwasher, and you have to oil it like a fucking engine
steel: heavy, dents easily, your kitchen is STOMP! now
(I think I recall a STOMP! performance played on PBS when I was a kid in the early '00s where they used primarily steel bowls but couldn’t find a clip)
How dare they. This is Planet Dirt, not Planet Trash!
Planet Plastic Ocean.
we really did name the planet Dirt 🤦♀️ you’d think we could have at least called it Home or some shit
We’re leaving a soil layer with radioactive isotopes, microplastics and concrete rubble. You’ll probably also find lots of signs of all the earthmoving we’re doing
The plastic Miku culture.
Maybe they spot the machines and artifacts left on Mars and the moon and go with robotics or metal poly compounds/alloys. If it’s just Earth maybe plastic or concrete or transistors.
Hentai porn
If we’re lucky…
The vitriolic nuclear primates
I used to be with it, but then they changed what it was.
Any excuse to get pissed for these madlads. Waaaay!
Comb ceramic culture and rope ceramic ware culture were the big ones in my area in fact
