It’s why so many of us hate ourselves, because until we get diagnosed, all we have to go on is what people think and say about us.
Even if you aren’t like that in public - people always tell me how organized I am (well, my desk is usually a mess but my information is organized). Thanks, I need my Systems© or I’ll call apart and it’s killing me to maintain them so…
You need to be more outgoing mate!
Have you tried learning to sleep better?
You should really focus on being taller.
You should really focus on being taller.
Shut up! I’m doing my best! :(
Funny enough, I took shots to get taller. They helped a bit - I’m at average now 5’10". Without I probably would be <<5’
average for who lol
White Males in the USA - the category they were measuring me against
I have a brain tumor, and people seem to think its not a Real Neurodivergence® like ADHD, because I can just get a surgery and fix it. Spoiler, they can’t just fix it, its too deep to get to.
Wow that is crazy. I mean you have physical proof that something is wrong with your brain.
“Disability” is apparently some mythical essence of your being and your worth rather than the literal meaning: not abled. Not a fan of the way it’s been socially constructed tbh.
Does it grow?
If it is growing, it’s growing very slowly. I need to get a MRI every couple of years to check up on it.
Its insane realizing how much ableist abuse I endured as a child. It even came from adults who knew i had adhd. No one ever told me what executive dysfunction was or all the ways adhd affected me. It was just “youre bad at focusing in class” and even that was always my fault too. No one ever sought to actually help me, just tell me to try harder and punish me when I failed. I didnt know any different. I believed them that it was all my fault. It utterly destroyed any semblance of confidence or self esteem I had for the longest time.
I’ve had the exact same experience. Teachers would tell me I don’t concentrate enough, my parents would get mad for not doing homework, and they’d “help” me by giving the answer to some things but then get mad since I still didn’t know how to complete the task, and it’d end in a lot of tears (although I don’t blame them, they knew only the mainstream strategies and we’re never taught anything about neurodivergent behaviours. They also seem to have a lot of ADHD and autistic traits as well, so it’s likely they must’ve thought it’s how everyone else experiences things.)
I was also made to believe I was just inferior to peers at school, since they could get everything done, but I didn’t know how I couldn’t. Even in high school it was pretty bad, with especially my math and English teachers not knowing why I couldn’t get all my coursework done (but for English that was solved a bit by just telling her that I probably have ADHD (which I’m even more sure of now)). Granted, the rest of the classes were great, they were my interests (technology, design, and the law respectively), so I pretty much completed everything there and was seen as well above average in the software development one as well as the design one, so there’s that.
Since I’ve graduated a month back, I really leaned into learning about myself and genuinely shifting my routine, finding out that I didn’t actually have anything wrong with me, it’s just I’m likely to have AuDHD, even if I’m not diagnosed for either yet. I still encounter ableism, although I’ve been quite stern in disclosing my abilities, what makes me comfortable/uncomfortable, and the issues I face, so that’s solved a lot as well.
Something to put the ableism into perspective: when other students underperform compared to me they’re not called lazy for underperforming, I’m called abnormally good instead. But when I underperform at “normal” tasks, I do get called lazy.
The one thing that my wife and I consistently fight about. I’m 55 and have had this all my life so it’s not new. Basically all of the little quirks like unfinished projects, hyper-focusing on certain things (typically video games but often software projects or some electronic project I’m building in my lab … it’s a lab dammit not just a garage), clutter on my desk, terrible time management, misplacing stuff, delayed audio processing, forgetting bills or appointments, procrastination,etc… you know all the typical ADHD stuff. Yes my medication helps but not always 100%. And yes I can overcome 95% of them with just Herculean willpower that I just don’t have 99.9% of the time. She thinks it’s just an excuse and that all of these things happen because I guess I’m either lazy or just don’t care.
I do finish projects (sometimes) and have figured out how to use my “super powers” for good at my job, and I’m able to function most days so I guess I can see her point. We work very well together since she’s an ultra planner but sometimes a little more empathy would be welcome.
When I was single and having extreme dating difficulties:
“You just don’t want to date! If you did, you’d overcome this silly shy act and go do it!”
Damn, yeah being late diagnosed really puts a different lens on all the fun I had with dating.
✅ Impossible to flirt with because I don’t understand indirect communication. I also don’t know how to flirt.
✅ Total inability to play the games of dating (not the negative ones but the “dance” of courtship, I guess?"
✅ Rejection sensitivity making it impossible to know if someone likes me so I just assume no one is interested unless they flat out tell me in so many words and BOY HOWDY did that lead to some awkward situations
✅ People felt super rejected because people “make time for those they care about” whereas my lack of executive function means they probably are getting all my free time but it doesn’t look like that to an NT.
Both fortunately and unfortunately this manifested as manic Pixie dream girl energy so I did have access to dating. I didn’t think I would have been able to find a partner without internet dating though.
Funny anecdote: I once went on a first (and last lmao) date where we watched 500 Days of Summer in theater and that’s probably one of the worst 1st date movies ever 😬. But it was definitely a massive eye opener to the fact that people fall in love with an idea sometimes and that’s awful .
Uhh, pressured to date?
I think the biggest reason people don’t recognize ADHD/Autism is that it doesn’t present visually in the way people feel that conditions should.
For example, things like Down’s syndrome, or turrets are recognizable.
Having ADHD or autism blends in for the most part. And people only seem to know what they see. So if you look “normal” you are normal.
i realize this is the autism comm but in terms of physical ableism an ex-friend, while harping on me to get a job basically because she was tired of me talking about my mental health issues, had completely forgotten than i have a musculoskeletal disorder that affects my ability to walk.
I think it’s quite relevant given the types of comorbidities people with autism are more likely to have 💕
Even I struggle to not see it as a personal failing, and the only person I judge is myself. :-(
My mom passed away four months ago you know I know she’s in heaven, but my whole family didn’t know what she had and I may not be the smartest tool in the shed. I used to be, but it’s slowly degenerating, but I demanded that the doctor tester and she had a type one ALS I couldn’t believe they couldn’t see. I got her the best medication but it hurts you know autism. I know I have something high functioning or functioning maybe not ADHD it’s confusing and the medication didn’t work. I still really wanna work hard to help someone get cured. Don’t give up. I don’t give up you know when I was younger doctors even get me my tonsillectomy I said oh yeah, you need it. Yeah, yeah I was dying of it. You have to keep working on these things you got a hunch. You gotta work on it. I worked a little harder maybe I could’ve done more so don’t give up.
Talk to you as if either dumb, having a blanked-out stare, or seen as a child than a grown-up person sitting there quietly.
Always been called lazy by my folks. " not right"
Removed by mod
You are being downvoted because you are wrong. Just because you saw some Facebook posts about how ADHD was more useful back in the day doesn’t mean it was correct or that you are right. It’s not a trait, it’s a difference in brain structure along with an imbalances in neurotransmitters.
No Facebook post, but thanks. ADHD is simply a heightened awareness and inability to focus on tedious tasks for a long time. So, not great for modern society but perfect for living off the land.
You can call it an “imbalance” all you want, but who are you to decide what a “balance” looks like?
This is what happens when people accept what they are told and cannot rationalize for themselves. Your “balance” is from someone who wants you to sit in a cubicle and type on a keyboard all day.
inability to focus
So, a disability then. Because the majority of people can, so modern society expects it of everyone.
Disabilities are social. If everyone was blind it wouldn’t be a disability.
Not an inability to focus. You conveniently left off the rest of the rest of the quote
Ok, so an inability to focus on tedious tasks for a long time, but not an inability to focus. Gotcha.
You are looking at ADHD as what the signs are and even there, you are missing most of them. There are a lot more symptoms than signs in ADHD the inability to focus is just one of many.
But more important than that is what ADHD is neurologicaly. I simplified it a ton to make it easier.
An imbalance is an incorrect amount. There are normal ranges that humans fall into. Some more, some less , that’s why it’s a range. The body works properly when it falls in that range. When we don’t have enough or too much of something our bodies stop working they way they should and results in disorders. That’s why hospitals will draw labs and see what is elevated, or depressed. We know what the general range should be, so we know when something is too high or to low.
This has nothing to do with sitting behind a keyboard and everything to do with faulty wiring and suboptimal amounts of norepinephrine. Not to mention that the brains of people with ADHD have a smaller frontal lobe and noteable differences in the limbic regions and basically ganglia.
Current neuroscience does not support a simple “chemical imbalance” model with “normal” ranges the way blood labs work. Dopamine and norepinephrine signaling are involved, but ADHD is better understood as differences in how certain brain networks develop and regulate behavior, particularly fronto-striatal and limbic circuits. It’s about signal timing, regulation, and responsiveness- not just having too little or too much of a neurotransmitter.
Likewise, your claims about a “smaller frontal lobe” are oversimplified. Imaging studies show average developmental and connectivity differences in regions like the prefrontal cortex, basal ganglia, and limbic system, but these differences are subtle, highly variable, and strongly overlapping with neurotypical brains. They are not defects and not diagnostic on their own.
Framing this as an adaptation rather than a defect is more than reasonable. Traits associated with ADHD, namely novelty seeking, rapid scanning of the environment, high energy, risk tolerance, and creative problem-solving offered advantages in ancestral high-stimulus environments. What you define as a disorder is a mismatch between these traits and modern expectations, not something inherently “broken” in the brain.
No worries, since I’m sure we’ll all be back there soon enough and we’ll see how well the ADHDers fare.
Earlier I was intentionally simplifying things. You’re right that the old “simple chemical imbalance” explanation of ADHD is outdated. But completely discarding biology in response goes too far in the other direction. ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder involving dysregulation across multiple systems. It isn’t just a neutral difference in brain wiring.
Dopamine and norepinephrine still matter here. The fact that stimulant and non-stimulant medications targeting these systems consistently reduce symptoms is not a coincidence. That clinical effectiveness reflects real underlying biology, even if no single neurotransmitter abnormality fully explains ADHD on its own. In medicine and psychology, we don’t define disorders based on imaging findings. We define them based on persistent impairment and dysfunction, and ADHD clearly meets that bar. That’s why it has a diagnosis in the DSM. The impairments are real, measurable, and reproducible.
It’s also true that structural and functional differences in areas like the prefrontal cortex, basal ganglia, and limbic system tend to be subtle and overlap with neurotypical populations. But subtle doesn’t mean irrelevant. These differences are consistently linked to problems with executive function, reward processing, impulse control, and emotional regulation. More importantly, they show up in real-world outcomes: academic difficulties, unstable employment, higher injury rates, and increased risk of comorbid psychiatric conditions.
The idea that ADHD is primarily an evolutionary adaptation rather than a disorder is, at this point, speculative. Models like the “hunter versus farmer” hypothesis haven’t been supported by evolutionary genetics or population-level data. Current evidence doesn’t show clear positive selection for ADHD-associated alleles, and some data actually suggest reduced reproductive fitness over time. There’s a meaningful difference between metaphors that help people feel better about themselves and explanations that are supported by solid evidence.
Acknowledging strengths commonly seen in people with ADHD—creativity, energy, novel problem-solving—is important and appropriate. But recognizing strengths doesn’t cancel out pathology. Many medical and neurodevelopmental conditions come with areas of resilience or advantage. That doesn’t turn them into adaptations instead of disorders.
ADHD is considered a disorder because, across cultures and contexts, it reliably causes clinically significant impairment without treatment or accommodation. Minimizing that reality in the name of reducing stigma ends up doing people with ADHD a disservice. ADHD is a legitimate disorder with real, measurable impairments. At the same time, people with ADHD are not broken, deficient, or without meaningful strengths. Both of those things can be true at once.
Disability is measured relative to the environment.
Compared to fish you’re disabled in that you can’t breath underwater, and if the world changed such that everything was underwater and you were one of the few people who couldn’t breath underwater, you’d be considered disabled because you would literally be less abled in that environment.
I hated that movie. My wife loved it.
Not your fault. But failing to deal with it is.
Your actions affect others. If you’re being a slob, that’s your responsibility.
If you’re walking too slowly, that’s your responsibility. I don’t care that you have a wooden leg.
IKR, fuck those people with disabilities for inconveniencing you.
How dare they use a physical impairment as an excuse to not do things to your satisfaction.
Selfish Is what they are.
in case it wasnt abundantly clear, that was sarcasm.
Ah yes, society is for tormenting less fortunate people with passive-aggressive rules.
If you’re being a slob
Although I don’t expect you’re intending to carry on ableist rhetoric, the implication that someone with ADHD is a “slob” implies a misunderstanding of why we do what we do. What someone else might call “disorganized” could actually be organized in a way that facilitates our daily lives. Sure, I could keep my medicines in a cabinet, but when I see them on my nightstand I am far more likely to remember to take them. Sure, I could put away all my art supplies when I take a break from a project for the day, but then I’ll lose track of what I was working on. Every time I “tidy up” I end up spending a significant amount of time trying to get back into my normal rhythm afterwards.
People will use words like “slob” even though there’s no trash lying around, I keep the floor swept, I wash my dishes immediately, etc., all because surfaces are covered in items that I actually use. My private space is for living in, and it reflects that. If someone else doesn’t like it, well, that sucks for them, but to imply that we’re “slobs” for finding ways to make our daily lives run smoothly is an unfair characterization.
Thanks mate, I’ll just try harder and buy a day planner.
Your actions affect others. If you’re being a slob, that’s your responsibility.
And what business is it of yours what state my desk, my room, or my home is in? How are you actually affected?
You’re not. Fuck off.
Failing to do your best to deal with it.
A small difference, but important.
Exactly this.
My father was (is?) bipolar. He was fine when he was on his meds, but decided to stop taking them and became a monster. Lost his job, wife, eventually my sisters and I went no contact for our own safety.
This is an autism community, not an ADHD community. I’m autistic, not ADHD. But i am aware that I need to put energy into communicating with people I want or need relationships with. Everyone is different, and every relationship needs compromise to be successful. To simply say “I have ADHD so you have to deal with it or get out of my life” well… Bye then.
