The biggest issue I’ve encoutered is distinguishing actually neurodivergent people from self diagnosed assholes using mental illness as a shield for being massive cunts. It poisons the well.

I completely agree that there would be (much less) conflict and controversy if everyone was more clear in conveying what they mean to say, and more open to facts regardless of “feelings” about facts.

However, keep in mind most neurological people typically filter out a lot of what they perceive and even think. As such neurodiverse people are (far) more prone to overstimulation. Not just in physical sensory stimulation, but also mental capacity. (We think too much.)

If any demographic is, as neurotypicals are, less likely or capable of picking up on every granular bit of detail, isn’t it merely logical they would as a result be more closed of to rational arguments? Wouldn’t it also be entirely logical that such rationale and factual discourse is quite literally in their “blind spot”?

Then, as one such individual loses control of any situation, for instance by having an (objectively) superior rational thinker accross from them in conversation, they will resort to any means to regain “control” of said conversation. Usually resulting in emotional displays of frustration and anger.

I have struggled with “emotional” thinkers my entire life. It isn’t easy by any means. However, having come to accept that neurotypical people are incapable of a rational mindset like I have, has led me to at least accept the situation. I am no longer frustrated when they reject rational arguments, I even expect them to. As such I also “divest” from any attempt at “educating” them. It will cost me energy to do so, and only lead to conflict with the person not willing to accept rational arguments.

It may seem bleak, however it is a practical coping mechanism to not burn out by every conversation you may have on a daily basis.

I then reserve such energy for situations where people might be truly interested. And as an added benefit, I am heard more often when I do choose to speak up, since I am no longer labeled as the “know-it-all”.

Just my take on it. Hope it helps🤷‍♂️

I wish, but I meticulously pick exactly the words I mean to say to try and avoid miscommunication and still people misunderstsnd me as if they were trying their hardest not to listen to me.

improved clarity only goes so far. The other person needs to actually listen and not insert a bunch of speculative meaning and instead ask for clarification if they think there are gaps.

For me I think it helps to think of error correction. When two computers are exchanging information it’s not just one way, like one machine just sends a continuous stream to the other and then you’re done. The information is broken up into pieces, and the receiving machine might say “I didn’t receive these packets can you resend.” And there are also things like checking a hash to make sure the copied file matches the original file.

How much more error correction do you think we should have in human conversation, when your idea of the “file transfer protocol” is different than the other participant? “I think you’re saying X, is that correct?” Even if you think you completely understand, a lot of times the answer is “no, actually… blah blah.”

You brought up the idea of neurodivergents providing more detail, which can be helpful. But even there, one person may have a different idea about which details are relevant, or what the intended goal of the conversation is.

Taking a step beyond that, I recognize that I am not a computer, and I’m prone to making errors. I may think I’m perfectly conveying all the necessary information, but experience has shown that’s not always true. Whether or not the problem is on my end or the other person’s, if I’m trying to accomplish a given objective, it’s in my personal interest to take extra steps to ensure there’s no misunderstanding.

As a ND, things I say (feedback usually) come off as condescending, but thats not the tone I meant for, so I have to explain what I was really going for, as to make sure that things are clear.

It’s a workout to have to reflect on my own words and self correct after. Would be great if people understood the meaning without the perceived emotion behind it.

I try to live by the words “Hear what someone is saying, not how they are saying it.” Helps clear things up before processing. Then if information is missing, ask more questions.

And also honest but that would require them to understand their feelings which neurotypicals believe they are more in tune with than us.

I see this at work every day. I am working in IT, and since I get THC for my social issues, I have a career. Now I am working directly for upper Management and it is so frustrating. So many missing details, half assed thoughts and more.

But somehow they manage to not fuck everything up.

Partially, yes. Human nature is an interesting thing, full of contradictions and inconsistencies. I remember a quote by Mark Twain…“Some people will go way out of their way to become offended”. The reason that the word “forgiveness” is endlessly bandied about is because it’s the right thing to do, but one of the hardest things to achieve. We’d rather live in our heads and reinforce the chains that hold us there.

I think you found the double empathy issue.

And yes it’s not an issue between NT and ND groups, but between them.

I still have this issue on a daily basis with people that have known me for decades. It is the little things, and one side can get angry easily thinking the other is kidding or doing it on purpose.

I love it when people get mad at me but I don’t know why.

Most controversy could be avoided if people had a higher-than-plant intellectual level. And of course: FUCKING STOP EMPATHISING WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE SO FUCKING STUPID THEY CAN’T EVEN GOOGLE EMPATHY, MUCH LESS UNDERSTAND IT. There’s nothing wrong with being a dick.