I have a new job. After getting to know my coworkers better for the last couple weeks, I was deep in conversation with one about tabletop game mechanics which then devolved into talking about creating currency systems for fantasy novels.
Out of left field they sort of add in that they knew I was autistic. I… had never been recently tested, tbh. I was completely nonplussed, not sure what to say. They asked if I had been tested as a child. I said yes. They guessed correctly that the doctors told me I had ADHD. I nodded… that’s exactly what happened. They then tell me that many tests from back in the day were badly done, and many people with autism got misdiagnosed with ADHD.
This blew me away. This coworker was certain. They said they found it extremely uncanny and that they were very unsettled by me, because they also have autism and they could tell I was on the exact same spectrum as them. They said they had never in their life met someone with the same autism type until now. At that moment I realized I understood, too. Like someone was on my plane of existence and that was very unsettling.
So I took the 50 question test and scored 28. I’m on Abilify for bipolar, which I’m not sure I have. The funny thing is… I get all the side effects from the Abilify (Apiprozole) that one with autism would get. Sever drooling, insomnia, etc. Every side effect that the drug would have on autistic people has presented itself. However, the Abilify works good at stopping my horrible thoughts and worries.
So my question is… has anyone ever been in a similar boat? Where you were diagnosed with ADHD but it wound up being autism? These are new waters for me. I always thought when they tested me for autism that they were certain I didn’t have it, but the more I interact with my coworker the more I can tell they’re probably right.
My next step is to talk with my doctor and get officially re-tested. We may be looking down the wrong medication path (though, because the Abilify works pretty well, I’m not opposed to saying I probably have bi-polar, too).
I personally think you have autism. Autistic people are somehow on the same wavelength and most of the people I know that are autistic I find conversation flows a lot better.
The tricky part of diagnosing autism is that it’s an rich internal experience that only you can properly assess. An expert would always be at a disadvantage this way compared to self diagnosis.
Problem with self diagnosis is that neurotypicals tend to answer questionnaires as if each question is a loose criteria but autistic people will consider each question as a strict criteria.
Example: “I have trouble maintaining eye contact”.
I personally don’t have trouble maintaining eye contact but I pretty much can’t process what the person is saying then. If they look away I get 80-90% and if I look away it’s 100%. A better answer to that question in my case is 3-4/5 since I have trouble with eye contact.
Here are the tests on a website made by autists for autists. After these you can look at some result distributions to see where you land. For example, if you score >95% of NTs on the AQ it’s almost guaranteed that you’re autistic.
https://embrace-autism.com/autism-tests/
The 50 question test was the exact one I took before, but I had another go. This time 29, instead of 28. I mean, it would be perfectly logical that I am just antisocial, introverted, ADHD, and bi-polar (a new addition).
I guess it really does get difficult to tell later on in life, when you’ve developed and refined your social mask. Mine is all cracked and rusty because I went recluse for nearly 5 years (never left the apartment but maybe once every few months).
The nurse today told me that “everyone has an excuse for something” and that she had depression but she didn’t label it bi-polar. I was a little shocked, because I’ve gotten along with this nurse very well. I didn’t mention it to the doctor, because he wasn’t my normal doctor. My normal doctor was on vacation.
I need someone who’ll take me seriously and not give me a “buck up, champ” and a pat on the back…
Yeah, it’s pretty weird still. Some people think you can’t be autistic unless you are incapable of living in society or act like Rain Man. As the diagnosis numbers go up and people become more aware of autism this will hopefully stop.
I can sort of live in society, but I’m so self critical that every time I talk I think, “Wow, I just don’t shut up,” and wind up obsessing over it. Either that or I overshare and feel like an idiot. This eventually led me to recluse away from society and I then became a major burden on my fiancee and stressed my relationship near breaking point.
Not to mention I have a hard time listening to anything when in the middle of something. I can’t switch gears like others can. Either I listen and lose the thread of where I was or I pretend to listen, realize I did it, and apologize profusely.
However, I can still function at a basic level. Just day by day of going through the motions of what I think a human being should act like.