I have a new job. After getting to know my coworkers better for the last couple weeks, I was deep in conversation with one about tabletop game mechanics which then devolved into talking about creating currency systems for fantasy novels.
Out of left field they sort of add in that they knew I was autistic. I… had never been recently tested, tbh. I was completely nonplussed, not sure what to say. They asked if I had been tested as a child. I said yes. They guessed correctly that the doctors told me I had ADHD. I nodded… that’s exactly what happened. They then tell me that many tests from back in the day were badly done, and many people with autism got misdiagnosed with ADHD.
This blew me away. This coworker was certain. They said they found it extremely uncanny and that they were very unsettled by me, because they also have autism and they could tell I was on the exact same spectrum as them. They said they had never in their life met someone with the same autism type until now. At that moment I realized I understood, too. Like someone was on my plane of existence and that was very unsettling.
So I took the 50 question test and scored 28. I’m on Abilify for bipolar, which I’m not sure I have. The funny thing is… I get all the side effects from the Abilify (Apiprozole) that one with autism would get. Sever drooling, insomnia, etc. Every side effect that the drug would have on autistic people has presented itself. However, the Abilify works good at stopping my horrible thoughts and worries.
So my question is… has anyone ever been in a similar boat? Where you were diagnosed with ADHD but it wound up being autism? These are new waters for me. I always thought when they tested me for autism that they were certain I didn’t have it, but the more I interact with my coworker the more I can tell they’re probably right.
My next step is to talk with my doctor and get officially re-tested. We may be looking down the wrong medication path (though, because the Abilify works pretty well, I’m not opposed to saying I probably have bi-polar, too).
Yeah, it’s pretty weird still. Some people think you can’t be autistic unless you are incapable of living in society or act like Rain Man. As the diagnosis numbers go up and people become more aware of autism this will hopefully stop.
I can sort of live in society, but I’m so self critical that every time I talk I think, “Wow, I just don’t shut up,” and wind up obsessing over it. Either that or I overshare and feel like an idiot. This eventually led me to recluse away from society and I then became a major burden on my fiancee and stressed my relationship near breaking point.
Not to mention I have a hard time listening to anything when in the middle of something. I can’t switch gears like others can. Either I listen and lose the thread of where I was or I pretend to listen, realize I did it, and apologize profusely.
However, I can still function at a basic level. Just day by day of going through the motions of what I think a human being should act like.
You know, my best trick for social things is to do structured activities such as board games or as exercise class. In these situations the topic and activity is already decided and I feel like it removes a lot of the gap between neurotypicals and me.
It does sound like you have some work ahead of you. It’s unfortunate that autistic people need a lot more work to be able to communicate with most of society but it pays off.
Unmasking helps a lot, the outward difference is that you look eccentric instead of uncanny valley and it costs waaaay less energy.
Also don’t try to simplify the way you think about yourself. “You don’t shut up” doesn’t have to be a bad thing if people are participating, some people enjoy it when I talk for 10m about sunblock and how the Australians have the best regulations for them.
I’m very curious about pretty much everything and I’m shit at conversations but I can keep people talking about themselves and their interests for a long time by just asking them questions and rephrasing with “so it’s like when you” or something. Neurotypicals just loooove talking, especially about themselves and you showing interest makes them like you. People say I’m fun and nice to hang around with but in my opinion I’m incredibly dull, speak in monotone and mostly just don’t because I like not talking.
Another fun point, I think of autistic people as normal and everyone else as weird. When I talk to autistic people it’s like a breath of fresh air.
Now that you pretty much found out you’re autistic you can start to look into how other autistic people cope and thrive in society. Good luck out there!