I have a new job. After getting to know my coworkers better for the last couple weeks, I was deep in conversation with one about tabletop game mechanics which then devolved into talking about creating currency systems for fantasy novels.
Out of left field they sort of add in that they knew I was autistic. I… had never been recently tested, tbh. I was completely nonplussed, not sure what to say. They asked if I had been tested as a child. I said yes. They guessed correctly that the doctors told me I had ADHD. I nodded… that’s exactly what happened. They then tell me that many tests from back in the day were badly done, and many people with autism got misdiagnosed with ADHD.
This blew me away. This coworker was certain. They said they found it extremely uncanny and that they were very unsettled by me, because they also have autism and they could tell I was on the exact same spectrum as them. They said they had never in their life met someone with the same autism type until now. At that moment I realized I understood, too. Like someone was on my plane of existence and that was very unsettling.
So I took the 50 question test and scored 28. I’m on Abilify for bipolar, which I’m not sure I have. The funny thing is… I get all the side effects from the Abilify (Apiprozole) that one with autism would get. Sever drooling, insomnia, etc. Every side effect that the drug would have on autistic people has presented itself. However, the Abilify works good at stopping my horrible thoughts and worries.
So my question is… has anyone ever been in a similar boat? Where you were diagnosed with ADHD but it wound up being autism? These are new waters for me. I always thought when they tested me for autism that they were certain I didn’t have it, but the more I interact with my coworker the more I can tell they’re probably right.
My next step is to talk with my doctor and get officially re-tested. We may be looking down the wrong medication path (though, because the Abilify works pretty well, I’m not opposed to saying I probably have bi-polar, too).
I can sort of live in society, but I’m so self critical that every time I talk I think, “Wow, I just don’t shut up,” and wind up obsessing over it. Either that or I overshare and feel like an idiot. This eventually led me to recluse away from society and I then became a major burden on my fiancee and stressed my relationship near breaking point.
Not to mention I have a hard time listening to anything when in the middle of something. I can’t switch gears like others can. Either I listen and lose the thread of where I was or I pretend to listen, realize I did it, and apologize profusely.
However, I can still function at a basic level. Just day by day of going through the motions of what I think a human being should act like.