This is really a monumental societal change.
3rd spaces are nearly completely destroyed, and online seems to be the main option for ppl now.
Wonder who were the people who met online in the 80s. Like a nasa engineer and a astronaut?
This is the real question
Yes, absolutely. But also: I wonder how much of the online stat is stuff like people who met in online communities/groups compared to, say, dating sites and apps.
Because I could absolutely see a large portion of that line being people who met after joining a local meetup group for a shared interest like tabletop games, hiking, sports, etc.
It used to be that the dating pool was very limited in the way that making friends and dating in school is, where the odds are good that the thing you and your friends have most in common is your age and the distance that you live from each other. It wasn’t until college that I really met a diverse group of people who all shared a common interest in what they were passionate about. Nowadays I can go online, find people nearby who share a hobby of mine (or even meet people through an online hobby first and then physically meet years later), and maybe find lifelong friends or partners through that rather than somebody my friend happens to know or somebody I work with.
Would be interesting to see how these compare to the number of people who’s given up on meeting an SO and/or doesn’t have the time/energy to.
I’ve def met a few people like this. They have a few terrible dates on these sites, and it just stresses them out too much to even try again. Its really sad.
10 years of online dating, 6 dates out of it. As a well below average guy I just gave up
“a well below average guy” i think stuff like this is just made up, i dont believe in ratings and i dont think others should either tbh
I also believe in a classless society.
Idk comparisons are a thing that can be done and I’m objectively worse than most people in most categories (looks, intelligence, earning potential, education, interests, etc…) so I consider myself “well below average” especially since choosing a person to potentially date does involve comparing them to your other “options.”
since choosing a person to potentially date does involve comparing them to your other “options.”
i mean if you choose a partner like you would choose a car, then i guess it is like this
or actually even then it is not like this, like there is nothing objective for most categories.
like you list interests as below average, what is this even supposed to mean lmao or intelligence like how would you even know that and for earning potential, there are like a lot more poor people than rich, beeing poor is the normal one lol
even for education, like people can still know dtuff even if they dont go to university… Or know nothing if they went
what i am saying is this sounds more like you just beeing unhappy with yourself if anything. Or if you are happy, then you are probably just not a good match anyway for someone that is like looking for a car.
(Not OP)
I do get both your standpoints, its all subjective of course, so you can’t really be below average in interests or something like that, but you can definitely be below average in terms of commonalities with other people.I don’t know OP so I don’t know if he’s telling the truth or is indeed just unhappy with himself. But if your hobby is watching VR MyLittlePony porn you’re going to have a tougher time than if your hobby is cooking.
Same for weight, if you’re 200kg it’s going to be harder, especially on dating apps.
Money and intelligence I’m not so sure about, that probably matters less than he might think
Are you actually a below average guy, or do you just have below average pictures?
Good “candid”/fun/funny photos are huge for dating apps.
idk about him but there has been roughly one photo taken of me in the last decade and it’s on my ID
Pro gamer move: don’t use your license photo for online dating. Unless it’s really funny then maybe.
Yeah honestly it sucks getting into it, but it’s a lot easier when you can recruit someone for help.
literally don’t know anybody in town, haven’t seen anyone else wear a mask in two years.
I’m below average in most ways not just as far as attraction goes, but yeah my photos are never that great because I’m not attractive at all. I have had candid ones and funny ones, but I never got much traction. I live in an overpopulated area so this buffet table is brimming with options. I’m just that odd pizza at the Chinese buffet where you wonder why it’s being served lol
i’m sort of like this and i don’t see it as sad.
i was “married” (in quotes because it was illegal for me to be married at the time) and both internal and external stressors taught me that i got less significantly fulfillment out of the efforts & sacrifices necessary to maintain that long term relationship than i do now that i’ve been single for the last decade+; so i stopped stressing myself with the belief that i need to be partnered.
it’s definitely sad if you get more out of being partnered than single, but i suspect that it’s not true of a significantly large number of people and that most are just taught to believe that they should be partnered and that, in turn, causes people to lament lacking partnership out of ignorance that they don’t really need it.
I’ve met a disturbing number of young people who haven’t given up on dating per se, but make zero apparent effort in it.
I mean like, never talk about anything but work or family.
🤚
Feel kinda lucky to have met my partner IRL now (though obviously that doesn’t make my relationship any better than those that meet online). It’s horribly depressing how reliant on online communities we’ve become, and how social gathering spaces and third places are eroding.
There’s a few star trek episodes where they deal with characters who become addicted to either holodecks/holosuites, or games, but I guess it being a space-socialist-utopia of sorts, they give people enough 3rd spaces and community gatherings, so that its rare to find people who completely retreat from real life, and usually a sign of some mental affliction or trauma.
At least right now, I don’t see the US recovering from this… 3rd spaces might pop up here and there, but they’ll be increasingly rare, and against the trend of overall social isolation.
Yea, this isn’t something I can see getting fixed under capitalism. I still hope that as imperialism crumbles and the treats slow down the US empire will have a revolution, but that’s not in the immediate future it seems.
Mfw people start romance in revo.
On a positive note, after my last (patriarchal adhering) ex and I split up, several of my sisters around me started splitting up with their own. With the exception of one, we’re still single. It’s just not worth the bangmaid therapist and other abusive, exploitative crap that goes with.
Happy things are looking better for y’all!
the bangmaid therapist
The what?
Sex, maid, therapist. Mankeeping.
When I was in college, the local indie tea/coffee shop was really nice. But then staryucks moved in a block or so over and they tanked. The nearest indie coffee shop recently was about 30? miles away and run by immigrants. There’s no public transit, so I have no idea if they’re still open, but I suspect not, since our local population is all but non-existent, now.
Damn… its gotta be rough living that far out.
I’ve been looking at nearish rentals, closer to civilization, today. I’m not kidding when I say the least expensive is a $1200 loft with ladder entry, bed space only, within a 60 mi. radius. So the rough is equal, but applied differently
An additional hot take: online communities create weaker links than in-person communities. hear me out please
Not because the connections themselves are less strong, but because they don’t tie to any other connection. If I met someone in real life, chances are high they are going to meet my family and create connections with them too. On the other hand, if I met someone online, they would most likely not meet my partner and definitely not meet my broader family. What in real life could be a merging of social groups, and therefore a strengthening of everyone’s social nets becomes online the creation of a single link, that is therefore that much easier to break off.
right… I can’t meet anyone for the life of me and be damned if I give a rats ass about even attempting to meet someone online. it’s a ceaspool of distrust, lies and fake garbage online. not a good way to meet anyone tbh…
Hopefully third spaces make a strong comeback, which would be far easier in socialism.
I just want somewhere that I can put my personal wall down again. that won’t happen on the internet where I won’t ever know the recipient in a trustworthy way.
That’s fair! I’ve found organizing work to be a good way to connect with people IRL, maybe do something similar? A hobbyist group, maybe?
I think I should volunteer… I’m only happy when doing for others. I always disregard myself and when there’s no others, I suffer.
thank you.
That sounds great for you! There are a lot of cool orgs or charities that would love to have more help!
Nobody finding love in brothels anymore :'(
Alabama folk don’t even need to leave their home to find a life partner!
Needing an app through a business to find love is fucking depressing.
Online was good before every dating app became Tinder
Capitalist entshitiffication strikes again. The profit motive demands it
Why is it a blue whale?
Well, I heard a big goal of every app these days is to get whales… Maybe this is what they meant? O.o (/jk)
we need to shut the internet down until we can figure out what the hell is going on
I sometimes wonder if its even possible to have any healthy online social network. We can try to build in things to make social media less addictive, and try to use less of the psychologically damaging things capitalist software companies build in… but at the end of the day an online group of friends can never sub for a real one.
That is true, a combination of both I think is the best. But, under Capitalism, the IRL experience is getting progressively worse and worse so people go into the Internet to escape that hell.
Making things less addictive helps.
I also recall someone once saying that privacy isn’t about maintaining secrecy around one’s inner life, but rather the capacity to regulate or control how one shares it.
Feeling a lack of control over privacy makes lots of people cagey about opening up to others, and that’s a killer for intimacy and trust. Some of the problem is tech that doesn’t respect privacy, but the prevalence of such tech has also changed culture, and so one has to be more cautious with people who have been trained by their tools that privacy isn’t to be respected.
Perfekt graph to display a shit society
Only goes to 2020. I think that after 2020, the online dating scene has seen a pretty sizeable decline.
I assumed the same thing and searched for a updated version of the study. I found this video showing the results up to 2024, contradicting this assumption.
Thats good news, but now I go to find newer stats.
No… no newer stats.
What the fuck. >60% of couples meet online? I am fucking cooked
Fediverse Tinder where?
“my instance defederated from the baddies”
-a future sentence to be uttered
NSFW
8=====>
Sir, this is a Christian server.
Remove this filth immediately.
Put that in my server. ;-)
I mean, we met online but not on a dating site.
First long term relationship, brother of my friend who came down here from up north. Had kids, never married, at midlife he got radicalized and hella racist and abusive, we split dramatically after 21 years, (not all his fault, I also did regrettable things in response to what was going on).
Second round met online, had a date, hooked up for awhile, really got on well. He’d had a string of 2 year relationships (from “good on paper” matches from eHarmony) so I said after 2 years we can live together. Our kids all got along, his parents liked me after awhile, he wanted to get married, I said you can ask after we’ve lived together 2 years. We are happy a dozen years in.
I don’t think it matters how you meet but it DOES hurt to think of people as a commodity, all that swiping and trying to maximize compatibility. People are people not clothing or toys.
Yeah that does bother me about the graph. It’s the digital age, you can’t just lump one value to “online” and expect it to be a representation that makes any sense, did they meet on a dating app? As gamers? Facebook friends? I met my fiancee on deviantart after she liked one of my photos and messaged me to tell me so.
Society is online now, third spaces are still a thing but they’re in a different form. This data is presented in a way to make you feel bad about the globalization of the Internet
all that swiping and trying to maximize compatibility. People are people not clothing or toys.
Exactly, all these apps need the user to be self absorbed. “Who’s YOUR right fit? Who is YOUR type? Who fits YOUR personal fantasy narrative?”
Love is about two people giving themselves toward each other, not obsessing over their “ROI” in some transactional economic thinking. But that simply doesn’t compute to a CEO and natural human friendship doesn’t return 4x to investors every quarter, so it’s gotta go, right?
Building a relationship should be out of interest in the other soul, and finding that person isn’t what these algorithms promote. They turn dating into just another job hunt with metrics to meet, a “market” of desirability, bullshit interviews, performative fakery, marketing, and ego.
I also met my partner online, but ~20 years ago on World of Warcraft LOL. Younger people ask me for dating advice and I’m like “Stay off those stupid apps and just go meet people who might like what you like and see what happens!”
