A diagnosis doesn’t help this problem
I got diagnosed at 45. Dear god it was a relief to find out there’s a neurological reason why being forced to/forcing myself to clean my spaces was something I did with massive effort, in tears, through the power of self-hatred, for the first 25-30 years of my life.
Also so much getting things stuck in other things.
Getting things stuck in other things?
Acorns in brick wall venting holes, pencil tips in softwood desks, toothpicks in toys…
Pencil tips in erasers so the eraser makes pencil marks as you erase?
Of course. And every eraser. Even after I’d long since learned that it’s a bad idea. But that moment of the snap is so satisfying.
Hell, even with a diagnosis, I still have to make up excuses for people without ADHD who don’t seem to grasp that there’s more to it than just forgetfulness. This is an issue even among friends and family.
We are all in agreement that what I did was very weird.
I had so much trouble with this as a kid.
“Why did you poke a hole in my Styrofoam cup and let the drink leak all over the table?” “I honestly don’t know.”
Like in hindsight it makes sense that this action had a consequence, but I have no explanation for why 10 year old me didn’t think this through, or why I would do it in the first place.
Adults always thought I was being difficult but I was so confused :(
Me, but a highschooler, walking through a parking lot next to a park where people practiced golf, and picking up a golf ball next to my buddy’s car and going “Ha, it fits in your tailpipe!” and losing my grip. It rolled smoothly into the deep dark tubular abyss. Whoops.
Why did I do that?!
He was pretty miffed until we risked starting up the car and the pressure just rolled it right back out. I got off so easy. I was freaking out too and shouting "I have no idea what made me do that I’m so sorry!!"😂
For the first ~thirty years of my life the explanation for “why didn’t you do the thing?” that made the most sense to me was that the thing must not be worth doing, so it was everyone else’s problem for wanting it done in the first place.
Many people in positions of authority over me disagreed with this interpretation.
I still think this is true, I’ve just learned to live with it better.
I think that much of the problem is how society is structured (largely due to capitalism), and even though clearly so many of us exist, it is not designed to be compatible with how our brains work.
Yep, I do still think this too. Nothing going on at the moment makes me think maybe I’m wrong and the rest of the world is well designed, rational and just.
The only quibble I have is I don’t think it’s more about elite-dominated societies, of which capitalism is just the current incarnation.
Ah, the age old rivalry of neurodivergent individuals and figures of arbitrary authority structures.
Many people in positions of authority over me disagreed with this interpretation.
They were, of course, all wrong.
Of course!
On a completely unrelated topic, have you noticed that people with authority have a hard time admitting that they’re completely wrong?
I did. Strange, isn’t it? Such losers…
I answer honestly. “I intended to do it, but I could not force myself to do it.”
When I am having a bad pain day, I don’t make anything else up either. It makes little sense to answer “why didn’t you go up the stairs?” with anything other than “My legs hurt so bad I can barely walk,” so why make something up for ADHD?
“I intended to do it, but I could not force myself to do it.”
Genuinely envious of how understanding the people in your life are if this wasn’t simply met with anger, frustration, resentment etc.
People at least vaguely understand pain (even if they’re not always understanding) but not being able to make yourself do something is entirely incomprehensible.
is that actually something normal people can do day-to-day?
how do you know whats causing executive dysfunction if/when it’s paired something else like depression or something, or hell what if you don’t even have adhd but amy number of dozen of other altered brain-chemistries that presemt with similar symptoms (bi-polor/schizophrenia both iirc).
and the drugs to cure any of them generally have nasty side effects for others that present with similar symptoms, and if they hand out excessively large doses like US doctors are trained to do…
and that’s before you consider addictions and shit, shich neurodivergent peoples tend to be susceptible to…which can fuck with how drugs work even more
biology complicated, brain stuff even more so…can we get the star trek medi-scanner stuff already, so we can just be told exactly how/why our brain chemistry is fucked?
Understandable, but that’s not my problem.
Nice answers. And happy cake day!
Thank you!
And then get yelled at for “making excuses” trying to justify why you did the thing you did or didn’t do, and end up just giving up trying because you know they’ll never listen or understand anyway.
I just got officially diagnosed at 28 on Friday and I’m so happy I won’t have to do this anymore
Oh you will still. 28 years of behavioural reinforcement.
“Okay, you got your diagnosis, you’re getting treatment, so no more excuses for not being normal!”
The hidden burden of undiagnosed
ADHD[insert condition] is constantly needing to invent excuses in an attempt to explain or justify behavior that you don’t even understand yourself.FTFY. 🤌🏼
My brain isn’t working with this. I can almost always find the reason. Is this because of the AuADHD ducks in my brain being aware of each other and the other always points the shit out and they get in another argument and my brain keeps being loud forever?
In healing from my own ADHD-related trauma, I’ve learned that “I’m not interested” is often the actual reason and that there are coping strategies for making this the case.
In parenting my ADHD-riddled children, I’ve realized that “I’m not interested” is also not a panacea and sometimes no amount of coping will make you interested in certain things
