I’m afab and if the surgery was possible for turning what I have into a fully functioning dick, I would have done it by now.
Basically I’m comfortable with my perceived gender, I just wish how I see myself mentally when I think about sex, matched up to what I’ve got in my pants. I’ve felt this way since I was a young teenager too, so it’s not a phase or a fetish, it’s how I’ve wanted to present sexually for most of my life.
Does this disconnect I’m talking about just fall under the non-binary trans umbrella? Or is it a seperate thing?
Are there any other people here who feel this way?
(Phalloplasty does not appeal to me. The surgery is brutal, it doesn’t look right (to me) when it heals, it isn’t functional how I would want it to be, and it isn’t sensitive like a dick.)
How gender dysphoria manifests differs from individual to individual, people experience it in different way, particularly in regards to what someone struggles with: Someone may feel more dysphoric in regards to their face; others in regards to their chest;… And yeah, yearning for different genitals is definitely something that meets the criteria for gender dysphoria.
Does that make you trans, nonbinary, something else? That’s something nobody can tell you, because we do not know how strong your feelings are, how much they define you and what you make out of them. That’s why the trans community usually avoids telling other people if they are trans or not - or deny anyone that label who claims it.
If you wish to be trans nonbinary, then you are. If you think, these terms do not fit you, then you are not.
Personally I struggled with similar feelings when I was younger. Fast forward and I am now fully transitioning, because I realized it was “not just that.” I wanted it all. But that’s my way to deal with my feelings. You may chose whatever path suits you and on that path you can try out what this thing or that and cast them off again if they do not feel right. It’s a journey of self-discovery and - for better or worse - it’s all up to you to discover.
Thank you for replying! I really wasn’t expecting so many answers!
Which brings me to my conundrum. Is it wrong to identify with a label if there is no way of achieving it? Like if there is no surgical possibility of transitioning to the body that I want, am I still trans?
Lmao, this is descending into philosophy and you are not obliged to answer. I’m just having existential doubts about my non-existent dick and how it socially defines me.
It’s absolutely not wrong. Labels aren’t about what you do with your body, it’s about how you feel.
As a nonbinary person, I officially give you permission to identify as nonbinary, trans, or both. 🤝 I like ‘nonbinary’ because it’s really broad and inclusive, and doesn’t have some of the connotations that the term ‘trans’ has (even though nb is under the trans umbrella) I think it would be very reasonable if you decide that it fits you.
I’ve been secretly thinking of it as nb trans for a while, but I’ve not really said it to anyone aside from in this thread.
I like non-binary too, it’s kinda like ‘queer’ (my other identifier of choice) because it covers all the bases and allows for freedom of movement within it.
If it comes up socially, I’ll probably go with ‘non-binary fem’ as it’s less likely to cause offence, and tbh I don’t really want to be talking about my genitals to people.
If I ever get my dick though I’ll probably be more comfortable using the trans label outwardly. Though I still have my little trans flag I embroidered on my jeans when things started getting bad here (UK) recently, so it might be assumed anyway by folk that see it I guess. And it definitely is if I’m unable to shave for a few days and stuck somewhere where I have to be seen by people (hospital is not fun).
I can not say this loudly enough, but fuck yes you are!
You don’t have to use the label if it doesn’t feel right for you, but if it does, it’s yours for the taking. Being trans is about who you are, not what you do. Being trans or gender diverse is about saying “This whole sex and gender thing you’ve assigned me, yeah, it’s not working for me”. And that’s you. What you do with your experiences is up to you, but the experiences are there and they’re real, no matter what your external circumstances.
Oh wow, why am I crying, haha. Thank you.
I don’t know where I’m going to take this but I feel better about it all for knowing it’s valid.
Some people are very defensive of the terms they use themselves, or terms in general. Just go with what works for you. Ignore the detractors. You must feel good about your own identity. Nobody else has to; they don’t live your life.