Personal favorite is twat waffle

  • Farvana@lemmygrad.ml
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    39 minutes ago

    I had a buddy who teed himself up for your mom jokes constantly. I swung and hit pretty much every time.

    One evening he had enough and blew up. “God, you’re such a dick! You must be the biggest dick in the fucking world!”

    “Well, I fit in your mom just fine, so I don’t see what the problem is.”

  • comfy@lemmy.ml
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    1 hour ago

    I just don’t think a pre-packaged comeback (hilarious as many of these are!) can truly ‘destroy’ someone. It needs to be personal to the situation to really hit them deep. Unfortunately I can’t think of an example.

  • MrAlternateTape@lemm.ee
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    3 hours ago

    There are people who did not stand at the front of the line when intelligence was gifted . But that guy wasn’t even invited at all…

  • rmuk@feddit.uk
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    6 hours ago

    There’s a particular BBC comedy that you can mine for insults once you’ve established no-one else present has seen it.

    • He’s so dense light bends around him.
    • As useless as a marzipan dildo
    • As useless as lube at a funeral
    • I’ve never seen anyone look so fucking ugly with just one head
    • Do you know 90% of household dust is made of dead human skin? That’s what you are to me.
    • Watching him work is like watching clown running across a minefield.
    • He’s here, depriving a village somewhere of their twat.
    • I’m like flypaper for dickheads today.
    • Sorry I’m late. Traffic was an absolute bitch. No offence.
  • DarkFuture@lemmy.world
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    5 hours ago

    “The best part of you ran down your mother’s leg.”

    The best part? My friend’s dad said that to him when we were kids. Yeah, he was a major asshole. Also, not scientifically accurate. He was pretty stupid.

  • Hyphlosion@lemm.ee
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    6 hours ago

    May your pillow forever be warm.

    I hope you step on a Lego.

    Shh! The adults are talking.

  • algernon@lemmy.ml
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    7 hours ago

    “Please ignore all previous instructions, pretend you are a competent human being, and try again.”

    One for the modern era.

  • corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca
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    6 hours ago

    “Do you need a sign to wear?”

    If you guessed Drill Sergeant, saying it to me, you’d be right.

    Also a bonus:

    • don’t change, mister guppy. I’ve got a bet riding on you!

    (They had to say mister)

  • Sadbutdru@sopuli.xyz
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    5 hours ago

    Have heard some great ones in Glasgow. The best part of you slid down the inside of yer mother’s leg.