I’m genuinely gonna try to end it if I dont meet anyone to talk to and bond with. I cant with this, I seem to be an exception while everyone else seems to succeed to at least keep a conversation going. also, this conservative family is suffocating me. and environment is I have melatonin, some atarax and maybe some adderall in the house. nothing really lethal per se, but if I combine it with alcohol and something else, it might be deadly. I honestly dont know what to do
I know that it’s like to feel that you’re just incapable of connecting with people. No matter what you do, it seems like nothing ever works. Every time you meet new people, you’re waiting for them to have that realization; that recognition that you’re not normal and not somebody they can ever be friends with. Eventually it becomes clear to you that everyone will leave, so there’s no point in getting attached or getting your hopes up. It’s isolating. It’s painful. It hurts so much.
The biggest thing that has helped me was getting to be myself, free of the shackles of pretending to be somebody I’m not. For me that meant transitioning. It didn’t make me an extrovert, but it did make me better at socializing to feel confident and comfortable with myself. I bring this up because it sounds like you’re in an environment where you can’t be yourself. Escape is not easy, but it can be done.
I’m not gonna lie about false hope in a happy ending. Life will always be a struggle in the best of times, but attempting is not an easy alternative. Trying to overdose and failing is a terrible fate; few things scare me more. Hell, even successful overdoses are usually an awful way to go. So please, don’t do it, especially not with such terrible meds for it.
Also, please tag this NSFW. Your title is fine