It was, apparently, really obvious to anyone who saw me or twin interacting with one another lol

Except mother. She’s going to deny it until she’s dead.

People really like me when they first meet me, but I always struggled making actual friends. I dont know how to be friends with women, like, at all. Ive clicked with a couple over the years, but its very obvious theyre ND too.

for the longest time growing up, I wished badly I could see myself from a third person veiw to figure out what I was doing wrong. These days im certain its just the ND bit.

From sight alone? No.

As soon as I open my mouth and either fumble over a normal conversation or go on an hour long infodump about the latest science rabbit hole I fell into? Yes.

I think so. Anyone who’s talked with me at length knows I’m autistic, and I think they think I’m weird.

I’ve found that the quickest people to clock me as such are (thankfully) neruodivergent as well.

Every now and again, I notice how odd I really am, and I can see their perspective. Like “wow, I really am a little weirdo.”

Im not autistic or ADHD (that I know of) but im 100% people do. One is I like to wear what I want to and I don’t like to groom and only do it for work and when my wife insists. I also tend to say what im thinking and value honesty and truth above all. Then there is a lady in my complex who is just driven nuts by how slowly I learn names and faces or names to faces really.

Yes. I’ve been aware of that I was different pretty much my entire life.

I’m very eccentric and slightly flamboyant I think. I once had someone tell me something to the effect of “When I first met you I thought “oh, who’s this flamboyantly gay autistic guy” Then I realized that was just daggermoon being daggermoon”. Ultimately, I am different and i’m proud of that fact because most people are conformist and lame.

Mostly not, masking is a bitch.

However I’ve always had inherent disadvantages due to this.

I think most people think I’m autistic and/or ADHD.

Yep, always was the “outsider”, the “weird one”, though nowadays people are usually more polite and just go “I don’t think A. would be interested”, etc.

One time I was telling a friend a story about My partner, who’s a living airplane, and it didn’t even register as strange to My friend because “oh well if it’s Vi-, anything goes.” My weirdness makes all of My weird stories sound normal. I mean, I do My grocery shopping dressed as a wizard, so…

I’m at the super annoying “something ain’t quite right but it’s easily brushed off until someone decides you are being two faced as an act of cruelty towards them” part of the spectrum.

I assume yeah, but as i cant see myself from the outside perspective so it’s just a guess.

I do know i avoid eye contact and generally wear pretty much the same clothes for years. Of course i wash those, i just have multiple pairs of the exact same clothes. So that might stand out on repeated occasions.

There’s a constant fidgeting as well which might stand out.

On a positive note, over the years I’ve managed to implement a solid training and dieting routine so by now i stand out that way as well.

I mask very well, up until the point where I open my mouth

Yeah. It may take a little bit for people to try to understand what it is about me that’s different, but they are aware of it. The lack of eye contact an the rather constant exhaustion and inconsistent social niceties are tells even if I can mask it for short periods of time. The fact is my mask slips all the time but people may not always have the context to put together why. But they know something is off.