"So I was trying to write reviews of a bunch of hit indie games I played recently. Then I got overwhelmed by the pointlessness of video game reviews these days and had to take a long nap.
And, I mean, pro reviews are pointless, right? If a game has a big enough budget or following and isn’t actively on fire, it gets a 9. If it is a competently made but low-budget indie, like mine, it gets a 7. If you read the actual review (nobody does), it’s a collection of facts about the game you could easily get from watching the trailer. Throw in a couple of comments from the reviewer about whether they like this genre or not, mix in 3 or 4 ham-handed political comments, and you got a review! Hit send!"
I want a game review site where there’s a number and it’s legit. Like
1/10 - Irredeemably bad. The music is terrible, the sounds are grating (or missing), the visuals hurt to look at (or are completely boring, which might be worse.) controls make it frustrating to navigate. I also give this to bland games with extremely predatory monetization, where the goal of the game is “make as much money as possible from whales”. Usually a mediocre mobile game skinned to a popular IP, maybe with some of the same aspects as that other game, but a huge wall where suddenly it’s spendin’ time.
2/10 - this is rough. Like, really rough. Something about it is either unique, funny, or novel, so it gets a point for that. Overall, you’re proooobably gonna want to skip this. It’s going to be tough for even big updates to fix the flaws in this game.
3/10 - this game has some redeeming qualities, but huge flaws as well. Worth it to try if you can get a deal, but needs a lot of work, and won’t be for everyone. Probable skip for most folks.
4/10 - A good game with many flaws, but worth picking up if you’re really into this kind of game. Maybe this has been done better by other games, or maybe there’s glitches. It’s not terrible, but below average.
5/10 - a perfectly serviceable game. If you like this series, you’ll certainly be playing it. If you like this game type, it’s worth checking out. A lot of CoDs and BF games have fallen here since BF4 for me.
6/10 - A good game. It’s good! Above average, and definitely worth playing if you like this type. This is the most stacked category for games I’ve played overall.
7/10 - Pick this game up, it’s very good. If this is on a console with a smaller library (N64, Dreamcast, 32x, GameCube) deeefintiely pick it up.
8/10 - A True Great. Few or no flaws, very fun. Great controls, interesting graphics, fun story, overall just a stellar game. Play this.
9/10 - almost perfect in every way. Maybe perfect, but a genre that might limit people. Or incredible but very difficult to play without spending a lot of money (Alyx comes to mind when I say that, but that’s an eight for me)
10/10 - Should almost never be given out. Incredible flawless perfection that everyone in the world with most of their limbs, sight, and vision in tact MUST check out. I have very few games (or movies, shows, books) that get a 10. We don’t need to grade things like their parents are getting a report card, some 10s I see given out are baffling.
Angry Joe uses a system like this. I quite like his long form reviews because he does seem to be pretty fair and will point out redeeming qualities in games he otherwise did not like.