Fair point, but it seems to based on an false assumption that most people actually care or are open minded and compassionate enough to take it into consideration.
Most people will just shrug and go on with their day as it’s completely irrelevant for them aka neutral response. Rest will laugh you/me out as it doesn’t fit into some narrow stereotypical representation aka generally the high support need autism and go on still demanding the exact same as before, just with less respect/seriousness than before aka the negative response.
I do agree that telling to those who actually are compassionate and caring enough is beneficial and those handful do actually know about it. But they are just a handful of people, literally i can count them on my one hand aka need to know basis.
I hate to tell you this but you actually have the wrong assumption. Basically, in most individual encounters, humans generally exhibit overall compassionate and decent behavior. This kind of person that you’re worried about laughing at you doesn’t really exist outside of maybe high School. This has held up for me across many continents and generally behavioral science supports it though social and environmental context is a thing. But yeah if it’s a waitress, a coworker, a possible paramour, etc they call already tell you’re different. It’s much better to give them an explainable reason why and you might be surprised how many people even go to the research to try and understand you better.
Could be or yeah it could be my own bias from childhood, but enough people around me already display hatred/resentment/dismissiveness towards different minorities to raise suspicions in addition to slow additude change for the positive over the years when i went from overweight to muscular reinforcing the opinion that most of them are just following in built biases.
Of course they can tell I’m weird. But right now I’m just that, their oddball, starting to give reasons why I’m that oddball could likely push me into the other group, basically pushing me from ingroup to outgroup.
Yeah that could be just my own fears, but i can’t see any benefit in telling either. So from my perspective it’s a possible risk with no discernable reward/benefits.
A waitress or basically anyone providing a service who i will see just once in my life, doesn’t need to know anything beyond the basic interaction script for said service.
Similar reasoning could be applied to groups of people who i encounter once a month or even up to once a day for a brief period, basic social interaction script works there as well.
As for coworkers or generally groups of people who i need to spend longer times together.
Yeah fair, it might benefit if some of them knew, though who knows is really up to the individual and their behavioral patterns. Maybe more beneficial in the beginning of the long term acquittance, so maybe some accomodations could be made, but I’ve been in the same environment for years. I’ve already made any accomodation i might need and any forgetting/attention issues(from the ADHD side) is just accepted as running costs. As long as those running costs aren’t much higher than the average and overall income i produce is in the positive, anything else is irrelevant.
For lovers/potential partners. As i almost skipped over that aspect of life, i don’t have enough experience to determine any patterns.
Though yeah it makes sense to be as open as possible with them, because I’m supposed to live and share everything with them and work together as a single unit. Knowing the other persons behavior, weaknesses, strengths, habits, is rather beneficial in determining how the relationship might work together or what aspect one can do better than the other.
And yes my wife is one of the few people who knows as i did got rediagnosed while we were married.
Of course this is based on my experience and feel free to point out any issues with it as this type of discussions can be rather beneficial.
There’s a lot to unpack in what you said there. Though I guess my first question would be is. "Have you talked to a psychiatrist and tried to get treatment? " It can be absolutely life-changing in a major way if you haven’t.
Over and over again I’ve run into people who are trans or gay or autistic or have a speech impediment, or have tourette’s and invariably the ones that just put it on front Street and communicated about it in a mature way have been the happiest and most successful. I would also say that anyone you lose along the way you never really had to begin with. Since you have a wife, why don’t you discuss this with her and see how she thinks since she has a lot more context about your lifestyle?
I’m sorry about that, i didn’t intend it to be heavy, more like just a light discussion or sharing worldviews/perspectives and pointing out flaws in reasoning.
Yes, during the first summer when covid started. I had quit smoking a few years before that, but got a bit carried away with alcohol afterwards and quitting it cold turkey did trigger a major depression. Tried therapy at that point as it did got debilitating enough and that’s when i got rediagnosed with ADHD and ASD added in as well. Primarily focused on ADHD treatment, but as it all had to come out of my own pocket and locally available meds were completely useless then i pretty much gave up on that after around half a year.
Depression slowly faded away during that time.
I haven’t really tought about trying again, primarily because any sort of therapy is even more expensive now if going for private clinics, though more available and nearly impossible to get an appointment if going for the socialized healthcare route.
So basically there aren’t any serious enough or debilitating issues to justify financial and time cost associated with therapy or what i already can’t handle myself.
I do agree with the losing point and outside of work I don’t really talk to them, but we all work in the same place so coming into daily contact is kinda inevitable.
I thought that I could also handle everything myself without medication and now I look back and think that was a completely foolish stance to have. It’s important as you age to constantly reevaluate your baseline assumptions and try to do things that will challenge or unseat them.
As I don’t know exactly which medical system you’re dealing with, I can’t really talk about the specific pitfalls but rather just the overarching narrative that because it didn’t work out once isn’t a reason to give up. Let us not forget that Michael Jordan didn’t successfully get onto his high school basketball team. He failed the tryouts. If he had just assumed that maybe he wasn’t cut out for basketball or that all basketball coaches are assholes and not worth talking to he would not stand today as the greatest basketball player of all time and arguably the most legendary athlete of all time.
One of the most important attributes you can cultivate inside yourself is a resilience to discouragement. People that enjoy life and experience happiness at the most true level are people that do not find failure or shortcomings extremely discouraging. They tend to laugh and be like haha. Well I guess that didn’t work out super well and then they roll up their sleeves and try something else. By the way, I’m using voice to text to do all of this. So weird. Sentence stops tends to be one of the issues and I really am tired of going back and editing them for easy reading. So please just deal with the bizarre sentence structure.
Good point and i do agree. Baseline assumptions should be revaluated from time to time, usually in the light of new information. That’s the main reason I’m regularly having these discussions. Sadly i still am a human not a supercomputer and i can miss details/some information and I’m prone to biases.
I’m in Eastern Europe, we have kinda double layerd system.
Free universal healthcare, but that’s really underfunded so only the basics work for emergencies.
Private healthcare which is just really expensive with minimal aid form insurance companies for the actually necessary services.
I haven’t given up on therapy, just the main issue that pushed me to it dissipated over time and I’ve dealt with ADHD for my whole life and developed good enough and by now even healthier coping methods for it than before.
ASD side is newer one but I’m slowly, over the years, exploring what aspects of my mind are effected by that side. Social and emotional side seems to be most effected.
Of course if financial and time situation improves over time, i will likely try therapy out again, even if just for experimenting and testing out my taught patterns.
No worries about the sentence structure. It’s completely understandable.
I appreciate that, but I definitely recommend a psychiatrist visit over a therapist because for anything that’s actually clinically diagnosable there may be forms of medication that are extremely helpful. Especially if your condition has any neurochemical impact. I made the switch some months ago and it has been remarkable. Obviously getting healthcare is always a luxury in many parts of the world, so I won’t assume that that’s an easy reach for you. I think as men which I’m assuming you are, we generally are raised to try in self-care and adjust and figure ourselves out at a rate that is much higher than what is told to women. And I definitely come from that like Uber masculine background and what I’ve learned is that almost everything I was taught was wrong. So I’ve spent a long time reevaluating who I am, what I like, what I care about, how I deal with things. How should I approach things and that has really had a huge impact for me.
Yeah, usual pattern is to first go to psychologist. Who does all the talking and diagnosing and then getting diverted to psychotherapists who finalizes the diagnosis and starts any medication regime.
Yes you’re right about that. Being a guy and growing up with strong remnants of stereotypical gender roles with the most common advice since childhood being to “STFU and man up” isn’t the most beneficial for good mental health development. Though i have improved over the years and even come to acknowledgment that mental health and emotions do actually exist for guys as well.
Back in teenage years/early adulthood i did consider those to be just a different branch of astrology.
Fair point, but it seems to based on an false assumption that most people actually care or are open minded and compassionate enough to take it into consideration.
Most people will just shrug and go on with their day as it’s completely irrelevant for them aka neutral response. Rest will laugh you/me out as it doesn’t fit into some narrow stereotypical representation aka generally the high support need autism and go on still demanding the exact same as before, just with less respect/seriousness than before aka the negative response.
I do agree that telling to those who actually are compassionate and caring enough is beneficial and those handful do actually know about it. But they are just a handful of people, literally i can count them on my one hand aka need to know basis.
I hate to tell you this but you actually have the wrong assumption. Basically, in most individual encounters, humans generally exhibit overall compassionate and decent behavior. This kind of person that you’re worried about laughing at you doesn’t really exist outside of maybe high School. This has held up for me across many continents and generally behavioral science supports it though social and environmental context is a thing. But yeah if it’s a waitress, a coworker, a possible paramour, etc they call already tell you’re different. It’s much better to give them an explainable reason why and you might be surprised how many people even go to the research to try and understand you better.
Could be or yeah it could be my own bias from childhood, but enough people around me already display hatred/resentment/dismissiveness towards different minorities to raise suspicions in addition to slow additude change for the positive over the years when i went from overweight to muscular reinforcing the opinion that most of them are just following in built biases.
Of course they can tell I’m weird. But right now I’m just that, their oddball, starting to give reasons why I’m that oddball could likely push me into the other group, basically pushing me from ingroup to outgroup. Yeah that could be just my own fears, but i can’t see any benefit in telling either. So from my perspective it’s a possible risk with no discernable reward/benefits.
A waitress or basically anyone providing a service who i will see just once in my life, doesn’t need to know anything beyond the basic interaction script for said service. Similar reasoning could be applied to groups of people who i encounter once a month or even up to once a day for a brief period, basic social interaction script works there as well.
As for coworkers or generally groups of people who i need to spend longer times together.
Yeah fair, it might benefit if some of them knew, though who knows is really up to the individual and their behavioral patterns. Maybe more beneficial in the beginning of the long term acquittance, so maybe some accomodations could be made, but I’ve been in the same environment for years. I’ve already made any accomodation i might need and any forgetting/attention issues(from the ADHD side) is just accepted as running costs. As long as those running costs aren’t much higher than the average and overall income i produce is in the positive, anything else is irrelevant.
For lovers/potential partners. As i almost skipped over that aspect of life, i don’t have enough experience to determine any patterns.
Though yeah it makes sense to be as open as possible with them, because I’m supposed to live and share everything with them and work together as a single unit. Knowing the other persons behavior, weaknesses, strengths, habits, is rather beneficial in determining how the relationship might work together or what aspect one can do better than the other.
And yes my wife is one of the few people who knows as i did got rediagnosed while we were married.
Of course this is based on my experience and feel free to point out any issues with it as this type of discussions can be rather beneficial.
There’s a lot to unpack in what you said there. Though I guess my first question would be is. "Have you talked to a psychiatrist and tried to get treatment? " It can be absolutely life-changing in a major way if you haven’t.
Over and over again I’ve run into people who are trans or gay or autistic or have a speech impediment, or have tourette’s and invariably the ones that just put it on front Street and communicated about it in a mature way have been the happiest and most successful. I would also say that anyone you lose along the way you never really had to begin with. Since you have a wife, why don’t you discuss this with her and see how she thinks since she has a lot more context about your lifestyle?
I’m sorry about that, i didn’t intend it to be heavy, more like just a light discussion or sharing worldviews/perspectives and pointing out flaws in reasoning.
Yes, during the first summer when covid started. I had quit smoking a few years before that, but got a bit carried away with alcohol afterwards and quitting it cold turkey did trigger a major depression. Tried therapy at that point as it did got debilitating enough and that’s when i got rediagnosed with ADHD and ASD added in as well. Primarily focused on ADHD treatment, but as it all had to come out of my own pocket and locally available meds were completely useless then i pretty much gave up on that after around half a year. Depression slowly faded away during that time.
I haven’t really tought about trying again, primarily because any sort of therapy is even more expensive now if going for private clinics, though more available and nearly impossible to get an appointment if going for the socialized healthcare route.
So basically there aren’t any serious enough or debilitating issues to justify financial and time cost associated with therapy or what i already can’t handle myself.
I do agree with the losing point and outside of work I don’t really talk to them, but we all work in the same place so coming into daily contact is kinda inevitable.
I thought that I could also handle everything myself without medication and now I look back and think that was a completely foolish stance to have. It’s important as you age to constantly reevaluate your baseline assumptions and try to do things that will challenge or unseat them.
As I don’t know exactly which medical system you’re dealing with, I can’t really talk about the specific pitfalls but rather just the overarching narrative that because it didn’t work out once isn’t a reason to give up. Let us not forget that Michael Jordan didn’t successfully get onto his high school basketball team. He failed the tryouts. If he had just assumed that maybe he wasn’t cut out for basketball or that all basketball coaches are assholes and not worth talking to he would not stand today as the greatest basketball player of all time and arguably the most legendary athlete of all time.
One of the most important attributes you can cultivate inside yourself is a resilience to discouragement. People that enjoy life and experience happiness at the most true level are people that do not find failure or shortcomings extremely discouraging. They tend to laugh and be like haha. Well I guess that didn’t work out super well and then they roll up their sleeves and try something else. By the way, I’m using voice to text to do all of this. So weird. Sentence stops tends to be one of the issues and I really am tired of going back and editing them for easy reading. So please just deal with the bizarre sentence structure.
Good point and i do agree. Baseline assumptions should be revaluated from time to time, usually in the light of new information. That’s the main reason I’m regularly having these discussions. Sadly i still am a human not a supercomputer and i can miss details/some information and I’m prone to biases.
I’m in Eastern Europe, we have kinda double layerd system.
Free universal healthcare, but that’s really underfunded so only the basics work for emergencies.
Private healthcare which is just really expensive with minimal aid form insurance companies for the actually necessary services.
I haven’t given up on therapy, just the main issue that pushed me to it dissipated over time and I’ve dealt with ADHD for my whole life and developed good enough and by now even healthier coping methods for it than before. ASD side is newer one but I’m slowly, over the years, exploring what aspects of my mind are effected by that side. Social and emotional side seems to be most effected. Of course if financial and time situation improves over time, i will likely try therapy out again, even if just for experimenting and testing out my taught patterns.
No worries about the sentence structure. It’s completely understandable.
I appreciate that, but I definitely recommend a psychiatrist visit over a therapist because for anything that’s actually clinically diagnosable there may be forms of medication that are extremely helpful. Especially if your condition has any neurochemical impact. I made the switch some months ago and it has been remarkable. Obviously getting healthcare is always a luxury in many parts of the world, so I won’t assume that that’s an easy reach for you. I think as men which I’m assuming you are, we generally are raised to try in self-care and adjust and figure ourselves out at a rate that is much higher than what is told to women. And I definitely come from that like Uber masculine background and what I’ve learned is that almost everything I was taught was wrong. So I’ve spent a long time reevaluating who I am, what I like, what I care about, how I deal with things. How should I approach things and that has really had a huge impact for me.
Yeah, usual pattern is to first go to psychologist. Who does all the talking and diagnosing and then getting diverted to psychotherapists who finalizes the diagnosis and starts any medication regime.
Yes you’re right about that. Being a guy and growing up with strong remnants of stereotypical gender roles with the most common advice since childhood being to “STFU and man up” isn’t the most beneficial for good mental health development. Though i have improved over the years and even come to acknowledgment that mental health and emotions do actually exist for guys as well. Back in teenage years/early adulthood i did consider those to be just a different branch of astrology.