For most octopuses, the ultimate life stage is senescence. It is the breakdown of cellular function without repair or replacement. It may last from weeks to a few months at most.
Males senesce after maturity, while for females, it comes after they lay an egg clutch.
… not in the mood to die.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Octopus
Why is their biology so fucking stupid?
Because it worked.
Evolution is just random mutations that may or may not work out.
So no egg clutch = immortal female octopods?