I’m somehow the literal exact opposite. I tried doing what you do for ages until I finally realized that it was torpedoing my motivation: if my locus of validation is already in other people, then by going around telling people upfront, I’m going to ride the high of unearned, unconditional validation and fail to get anything done. Then, once I want more, I recognize that the spotlight effect is a thing and either a) nobody is going to give me any more (or any more enough to matter – crumbs) or b) if I’ve promised some real consequential, eye-catching shit, the aim becomes avoiding immense shame for failing an expectation rather than earning validation for progressing a goal (which introduces stress – not the eustress kind – that haunts me at every step).
I’ve found that SMART goals and ACT (too many acronyms, I know, but the latter has multiple meta-analyses about its effectiveness; I’ll live with it) have helped a lot.
By mindfully setting goals according explicitly to my values, I can keep my locus of validation internal and reward myself every small step of the way. I might get external compliments along the way if it’s something noticeable, and if not, by the end, I can tell people what I did if I still want some supplemental, external validation.
That’s not to say it makes me hyperproductive – just that it makes me functional, which is itself a goddamn miracle.
Yeah I think I relate more to your perspective and I think I may even have read this in a psych book somewhere (though I forget to be honest) that it’s generally not a good idea to announce plans to do something because it feels like by announcing it you have already gone part way to accomplishing that thing and it can make progress harder.
I’m somehow the literal exact opposite. I tried doing what you do for ages until I finally realized that it was torpedoing my motivation: if my locus of validation is already in other people, then by going around telling people upfront, I’m going to ride the high of unearned, unconditional validation and fail to get anything done. Then, once I want more, I recognize that the spotlight effect is a thing and either a) nobody is going to give me any more (or any more enough to matter – crumbs) or b) if I’ve promised some real consequential, eye-catching shit, the aim becomes avoiding immense shame for failing an expectation rather than earning validation for progressing a goal (which introduces stress – not the eustress kind – that haunts me at every step).
I’ve found that SMART goals and ACT (too many acronyms, I know, but the latter has multiple meta-analyses about its effectiveness; I’ll live with it) have helped a lot.
By mindfully setting goals according explicitly to my values, I can keep my locus of validation internal and reward myself every small step of the way. I might get external compliments along the way if it’s something noticeable, and if not, by the end, I can tell people what I did if I still want some supplemental, external validation.
That’s not to say it makes me hyperproductive – just that it makes me functional, which is itself a goddamn miracle.
Yeah I think I relate more to your perspective and I think I may even have read this in a psych book somewhere (though I forget to be honest) that it’s generally not a good idea to announce plans to do something because it feels like by announcing it you have already gone part way to accomplishing that thing and it can make progress harder.