It’s not that I don’t have anyone to talk to, it’s that I don’t have anything to talk about with others, and sometimes it happens that it’s impossible to endure that loneliness and I want to socialize so badly, and I don’t want to drink alcohol or watch shows on Netflix to drown out that feeling, because lately it hasn’t helped. I wonder how you deal with it?
No ideal answer. Try to find a certain meaning in your daily life, activities can help or rather shifting from passivity to activity will alleviate that feeling, board games, pick up an instrument, martial arts school and so on.
I’ve accepted that this is how things are. Most interactions I have aren’t about connecting, and even within my circle, there are times when it’s possible to be completely misunderstood by people filtering out what their preferred narrative is about.
How can you not have anything to talk about?
Don’t you have a list of questions you want to ask or statements you wish to share with your friends?
I work 8 hours and then I come home and cook dinner, what the hell is there to talk about? I don’t like talking about work because I try to forget it exists, and I don’t have time to do anything else.
I don’t have anything to talk about with others
Find an activity to do together? A game to play perhaps?
I went through a rough breakup between June and August last year. At first, I drank and slept around. Then, I got sober. I’m sort of over it by now, genuinely, but the spark is gone. I don’t really want to see people, despite how badly I want to see people. I don’t know what to say. I feel sort of nonplussed about everything.
I work my ass off all day, come home, work out, eat right, work my ass off all evening, then when I’m done I play bass or guitar, paint miniatures, take photos, do little bits of graphic design practice, and fall into bed around midnight.
I’m lonely. I think I’m starting to accept that this is just how it’s gonna be for me, at least for now.
All that to say; it may be helpful to practice some genuine acceptance. When I’m feeling real beat up about being sad and lonely, I get my shoes on and go for a walk. No destination in mind, no matter the time of day. I put my earphones in, put on some sad music, and walk until I get sick of myself moping and just accept that yes, this is how it is. Then I’ll put on a podcast I enjoy, or something I can learn from, or I’ll just take the earphones out and enjoy nature as I walk back towards home.
Focus on yourself. Being lonely isn’t rare these days, but being completely alone gives you complete freedom. I’m fairly new to working out, but I’ve stuck to a relatively consistent schedule for four months or so and my body looks and feels so much better. I’m working on my pull-up and dead hang form at the moment, and I’m finding it really tough but really rewarding. I’m on week 2 of 100 push-ups per day, and seeing my body go from barely being able to do 15 in a set, to almost doing 30 in a set, has been really fun! You don’t get the opportunity to be selfish with your time without guilt very often in life, and if you’re gonna be alone anyway you may as well make the most of it.
Those are proactive things that take effort, but for an easier suggestion: avoid YouTube. Avoid Netflix. Avoid TV or streaming. Don’t sit there and wallow. If you’re gonna wallow, get up and move while you’re wallowing. No point letting your body and mind feel shitty at the same time. I sold my TV and my PS5. I sold my sofa. My lounge is now a desk, my hobby stuff, and a radio. I feel productive. I feel great. I feel so fucking earth-shatteringly bored that I have to do something, rather than just sitting on my ass watching shit I don’t even care about.
I wish you the best my friend ✌️
Oh! Also! Get a bit weird with it. I grew my hair out for seven years, but I trimmed it earlier this year, then shaved it all off after getting sober. Just recently, I shaved it into a mohawk, and a couple of weeks ago I shaved designs into the sides of my head. Whether it looks good or not isn’t the point; the point is about reclaiming your self expression, and enjoying your selfish experience. Be self centered. Be protective of your time. Be expressive. Do what you want. Say what you want. Spend how you want. Sell your sofa. Paint your walls. Do something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t because you’ve felt self-conscious. If you’re feeling invisible at the moment, make the most of it. I started baking recently, too. Totally blew my calorie budget for the day but I ate a whole loaf of chocolate chip banana bread and honestly it was worth it.
Focus on yourself. Being lonely isn’t rare these days, but being completely alone gives you complete freedom. I’m fairly new to working out, but I’ve stuck to a relatively consistent schedule for four months or so and my body looks and feels so much better. I’m working on my pull-up and dead hang form at the moment, and I’m finding it really tough but really rewarding. I’m on week 2 of 100 push-ups per day, and seeing my body go from barely being able to do 15 in a set, to almost doing 30 in a set, has been really fun! You don’t get the opportunity to be selfish with your time without guilt very often in life, and if you’re gonna be alone anyway you may as well make the most of it.
I constantly have problems with this because I always forget to exercise, or find it extremely difficult to force myself to do so. Recently, however, I realized that the reason for this is that my brain doesn’t see the point in wasting the body’s limited resources on exercise and is lazy, preferring to save energy for creative projects…
Oh! Also! Get a bit weird with it. I grew my hair out for seven years, but I trimmed it earlier this year, then shaved it all off after getting sober. Just recently, I shaved it into a mohawk, and a couple of weeks ago I shaved designs into the sides of my head. Whether it looks good or not isn’t the point; the point is about reclaiming your self expression, and enjoying your selfish experience. Be self centered. Be protective of your time. Be expressive. Do what you want. Say what you want. Spend how you want. Sell your sofa. Paint your walls. Do something you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t because you’ve felt self-conscious. If you’re feeling invisible at the moment, make the most of it. I started baking recently, too. Totally blew my calorie budget for the day but I ate a whole loaf of chocolate chip banana bread and honestly it was worth it.
I agree with you on that.
With exercise I’d like to say that you shouldn’t treat it as a daily quest in an MMO. You know “I have to do this today”, if you forget you forget. Group activities with a fixed time slot are a bit better, because they create a greater incentive for a person to go out and do them. Sometimes there’s also an after hour hanging out at the nearest pub, provided people can take the time.
Not to go too much into psycho analytics, yes, there is a trade off with time and energy for it… if you’re starting out and always dropping out it’s a sign that you’re unwilling to go through that exchange of time and energy (or perhaps unable). But if the goal here is to simply a bit healthier you don’t need to do much. Take it step by step, day by day.
I will echo on the self expression, that’s an area I always low key suppressed thinking it’s foolish but it’s not. Frame that 80’s Japaneses poster, buy that DAP player or vinyls, because the ambient of the room and aesthetics of cloths and accessories we use do matter. It can be a simple thing of simply getting a key chain for your phone or a sticker for your laptop. It requires come curation but I can honestly say that it feels nice. Perhaps it asserts a certain agency, as opposed to 1001 of soulless apps on a big screen all overseen by the big AI.
This is by far the most consistent I’ve been with strenuous exercise ever. I’ve tried before, but it never clicked for me; I always felt embarrassed, awkward, gangly, unfit, and just awful. I always walked a lot, so that kept me somewhat in shape, but I was deffo weak and my cardio was dogshit.
What changed for me was buying a small, cheap, simple set of dumbbells, and trying to do a routine I found on YouTube. I failed about halfway through, and the comments were full of people being like “I’m a 70 year old woman and these workouts keep me nice and spry” and I just thought, like… I’m a 28 year old man what the fuck am I doing if I can’t physically outwork a 70 year old woman (not to be sexist about it but just physically yknow). So I kept pushing until I could do that routine, and completing it felt really positive. So I kept going for that feeling, and eventually learnt to enjoy even how it feels to exercise, regardless of completing. I’m up to a five-minute plank now, aiming for fifteen one day, and working on other goals too.
You’ve got to find your own way into it. Or, just brute force it if you can do that. I am reticent to say just don’t do it, because we know what happens to people who never exercise.
Loneliness is the feeling that helps you to act, to connect with people. When you are connected with people, when you feel you belong, then you don’t feel lonely. So do you feel connected with people around you, or do you just feel like you “fit in”…?
If you don’t feel connected, spend some time finding someone you connect with…
I pay rent to my landlord and go work for my boss. Far to much human interaction on my plate for this guy.
I’ve been there. For me, personally, the problem was that I was so afraid to open up and worshipped so much other people that I pretty much lost myself. I ended up being surrounded by people who aren’t interested in me, who don’t fit me. And then when I started discovering myself, opening up more and being more sincere, I just attracted the right people who I always know what to talk about and who are interested in me. But this is of course my personal experience, your situation might be entirety different.
Have you looked for book clubs, gyms, courses in your region?
Drugs, honestly, but I strongly caution against that route.
I feel you though; I really do have no one, and I literally mean no one, to talk to. I was in a long term relationship until recently, and because I let him become my whole world, now that he’s gone I have no one in my life at all.
I’m also on permanent disability due to lyme disease, and have to get all my groceries delivered because its too hard for me a lot of the time to go get them myself. Thus, literal weeks often go by without me having a reason to step outside, or talk to another human.
I’m sure my neighbours in the adjacent suites think im a psychopath for talking to my cat like she’s a person every day, but if I didn’t I might forget how to talk, lol.
So, how do I cope, when its not drugs (though it’s usually drugs)? Well, I don’t really, but because I believe so strongly in my version of the theory of quantum immortality, I feel I can’t kill myself because anything I’d try, I’d survive. I’d be guaranteed to just end up with brain damage or a worse physical disability or something if I get any more serious with my suicide attempts. Essentially, it’s only for that I have no choice but to go on, that I go.
Oh, fun fact- this recent ex of mine, we were broken up over Christmas last year too, so I’m going on my second year of a zero human contact Christmas.
In the words of Aesop Rock, Jesus Christ my life is dismal.
That just made me cry. I’m so sorry, hope u can get out of this somehow
Yes, your story is much sadder than mine, I just go crazy from communicating with myself, because there is no one else. I damn well hope you’ll be fine.
Build a relationship with your neighbour. If you feel lonely, just grab a few fruits or snacks from your pantry and knock on their door saying you bought to much. You’ll win a smile and a nice yet short conversation. Do this a few times and suddenly they will do the same.
Yes, I also thought about it, but how embarrassing it is, but I think I will still try to do it, thanks!
Coolness is the enemy of social relationship. Be cringe and be free.
It is hard but quick. You don’t have to invite yourself to their home for coffee. Give them the snack, and go back quickly. You’ll ask for their name another time.
Video games. The good ones.
Why don’t you have a cat or dog ?
Why don’t you have a cat or dog ?
I will forget to feed them and they will starve to death. I am a very bad owner.
Well instead you can volunteer at shelters. It’s like being an auntie/uncle.
You get the fun times with none of the responsibilities.
People who can’t have pets but who like animals often volunteer.
Good way to meet people too.
Talk to the people you know about what they want to talk about
Did you read his post? He doesn’t want to talk to people. There is nothing anyone can advise him to do.
I might have missed something, but when they say they want to socialize I take that to mean talk to people. They have friends but don’t know what to talk about. My suggestion was talk to the people they know about those people’s interests. Know your friend likes boats? Cool. Ask them questions about boats. Now you are having a conversation where the other person is doing most of the work.
I thought that this person just doesn’t know how to socialize, not knowing how to break the ice.
I post on Lemmy lol.
If you’re a bit of a nerd I suggest looking up local tabletop RPG groups and giving it a shot. It’s one of the easier ways to be social as an introvert. It has a sort of regimented system of socializing that everyone understands, with an end time and an obvious goal. Once I’m in a better spot myself (life has been rough the past bit but it’s looking up) I might do this myself.
But for now drinking and watching shows and shitposting on Lemmy still works for me lol. Used to post on Reddit, 100k+ karma there, Not banned, but I am sick of reddit’s BS, so now I’m here instead, sorry y’all.
PS: I’m staying at a monthly rate in a hostel, and I go to a couple local food banks. There’s a “free food” area in the communal kitchen that I stock up once or twice a week because where I live the food banks are extraordinarily generous.
People have started to notice and been thanking me, and as a result they’ve been striking up conversations and getting to know me. (I am very much an introvert.) So I’ve been socializing a lot more than I normally do as a result.
Too esoteric to recommend, but figured I’d add this random ass story as socializing can happen in the strangest of ways at times.
Weed was my replacement for socializing in the pandemic. Can’t recommend it, as it also ruined my motivation to go out, and I would avoid picking up the phone while high. These days I go out for a walk and talk to strangers about the weather instead of smoking. It’s been great, and I made a several friends in the process.
