I’m decent with maps. Most people describing a way, though? Fucking awful, if I even understand what they’re saying in the first place (I’m pretty bad with accents).

I am a man. I have no belief in a natural compass. If I have one it is completely reversed. I have to use maps and rely on land marks. And Lord help me if I use something as a landmark that can be moved!

My sense of direction is bad enough that most people I know say to just do the opposite of what I’m thinking and I’ll probably end up where I’m going.

Good thing my partner has an uncanny sense of direction. She says, “Which way should we go?”. And after I answer she smiles sweetly and goes the opposite direction.

Whenever that has happened, post-mortem analysis has indicated the failure to be more closely related to the interpretation of the instructions given than my innate sense of direction.

Well, the first thing you wanna do is, you go straight until you reach the third red house. That’s one made from brick, mind - not the painted wooden one. If you see that one, you’ve gone too far and should hang a left - but if you do, mind the dog; that beast is rabid, I swear. Anyway, if you got that right - don’t actually go right - take another left. Not the same left as the one I mentioned before, obviously. That’s another one. So where were I? Ah yes. After a while you’ll notice the appearance of curb-side trees - I think there’s a term for that, but that’s not relevant - when you see those, you were supposed to take the immediate right turn before them, I think…