Whenever that has happened, post-mortem analysis has indicated the failure to be more closely related to the interpretation of the instructions given than my innate sense of direction.

Well, the first thing you wanna do is, you go straight until you reach the third red house. That’s one made from brick, mind - not the painted wooden one. If you see that one, you’ve gone too far and should hang a left - but if you do, mind the dog; that beast is rabid, I swear. Anyway, if you got that right - don’t actually go right - take another left. Not the same left as the one I mentioned before, obviously. That’s another one. So where were I? Ah yes. After a while you’ll notice the appearance of curb-side trees - I think there’s a term for that, but that’s not relevant - when you see those, you were supposed to take the immediate right turn before them, I think…