As a parent now myself, I’ve used the “because I said so” line.
I have a personal rule however. When I’ve used it, I make a point to sit down and explain why. It might be after we have all cooled off, or after the stress is gone.
It gives them a sense of what went wrong. In the moment, they also know they will get an explanation eventually. Lastly, it keeps me honest. No using it because I can’t explain in a way that doesn’t make me look bad.
It’s worth noting, parenting is HARD. Our generation at least has the advantage of modern information and science. The generations before us were stuck with hearsay and hope. Recognise their mistakes, but try not too judge them too harshly for them.
The purpose of explaining rules is to give kids the ability to choose to behave intelligently, IMO. If they think rules are arbitrary, which is the impression given by “because I said so”, they have no tools to use to make good decisions. Ideally, the explanation happens before things go wrong, to minimize how many times that happens.
Fully agreed on that. It generally only comes out when explaining the rule, in the moment, will either cause compounding issues, or is unfeasible. I’ve also used it once or twice, while running near my own mental limits.
I think the bad feelings some people have about the phrase is because their parents used it instead of, not in addition to, an explanation.
When parents would lay out a rule, like look both ways before crossing the street, or don’t touch the stove when it’s turned on, and the kids would ask why, some parents’ entire answer would be “because I said so” or “because I told you not to”. And then they’d get angry with the kids for “questioning their authority”, or because they believed the kids were asking questions for the purpose of being annoying.
Those attitudes used to be much more common, but I don’t think it was due to the lack of internet. Parenting books and classes existed when I was born, and my parents still had this attitude. I think it comes from self-centeredness and a lack of empathy, personally.
I don’t think the words themselves say anything negative about you as a parent, if you explain your expectations to your kids.
Nah I’ll judge mine for many of their mistakes because they were not forced nor ignorant mistakes. A lot of them were because I’m on the young side of many children, so they were largely checked out of parenting by then.
As a parent now myself, I’ve used the “because I said so” line.
I have a personal rule however. When I’ve used it, I make a point to sit down and explain why. It might be after we have all cooled off, or after the stress is gone.
It gives them a sense of what went wrong. In the moment, they also know they will get an explanation eventually. Lastly, it keeps me honest. No using it because I can’t explain in a way that doesn’t make me look bad.
It’s worth noting, parenting is HARD. Our generation at least has the advantage of modern information and science. The generations before us were stuck with hearsay and hope. Recognise their mistakes, but try not too judge them too harshly for them.
The purpose of explaining rules is to give kids the ability to choose to behave intelligently, IMO. If they think rules are arbitrary, which is the impression given by “because I said so”, they have no tools to use to make good decisions. Ideally, the explanation happens before things go wrong, to minimize how many times that happens.
Fully agreed on that. It generally only comes out when explaining the rule, in the moment, will either cause compounding issues, or is unfeasible. I’ve also used it once or twice, while running near my own mental limits.
I think the bad feelings some people have about the phrase is because their parents used it instead of, not in addition to, an explanation.
When parents would lay out a rule, like look both ways before crossing the street, or don’t touch the stove when it’s turned on, and the kids would ask why, some parents’ entire answer would be “because I said so” or “because I told you not to”. And then they’d get angry with the kids for “questioning their authority”, or because they believed the kids were asking questions for the purpose of being annoying.
Those attitudes used to be much more common, but I don’t think it was due to the lack of internet. Parenting books and classes existed when I was born, and my parents still had this attitude. I think it comes from self-centeredness and a lack of empathy, personally.
I don’t think the words themselves say anything negative about you as a parent, if you explain your expectations to your kids.
Exactly! Not NOW! is perfectly reasonable.
Nah I’ll judge mine for many of their mistakes because they were not forced nor ignorant mistakes. A lot of them were because I’m on the young side of many children, so they were largely checked out of parenting by then.