I’m afab and if the surgery was possible for turning what I have into a fully functioning dick, I would have done it by now.
Basically I’m comfortable with my perceived gender, I just wish how I see myself mentally when I think about sex, matched up to what I’ve got in my pants. I’ve felt this way since I was a young teenager too, so it’s not a phase or a fetish, it’s how I’ve wanted to present sexually for most of my life.
Does this disconnect I’m talking about just fall under the non-binary trans umbrella? Or is it a seperate thing?
Are there any other people here who feel this way?
(Phalloplasty does not appeal to me. The surgery is brutal, it doesn’t look right (to me) when it heals, it isn’t functional how I would want it to be, and it isn’t sensitive like a dick.)
Well, I’m transfem, and I’m fine with my biology, so this is kind of a similar situation. I feel it’s better to just explain that.
Oh, you are one of the women I envy! You have my ideal body plan.
I want to ask you some questions about your orientation and how your finding it navigating social/sexual relationships and stuff, if you’d be open to that?
Also it’s a bit off topic but I’m hella curious about how you’re balancing your hormones for both femininity and functionality. I’ve only known women who were dysphoric as hell about that area and they all said estrogen made it much less functional and therefore less of an issue for them.
I really wish there was a term for this type of femininity that wasn’t a slur or a fetish. Trying to talk about being a woman this way is so difficult as there is so much baggage attached to this concept now by people who are not part of it and I’m worried I’m going to inadvertently come across that way if I word stuff awkwardly.
Of course I’m willing to talk! I love yapping–I’m part fox.
I block testosterone entirely, and I’m on a standard dose of estradiol. It’s just plain-old feminising hormone therapy without the need to consider bottom surgery.
My issues were straightforward. I’m more inclined to want to be emotionally sensitive. Testosterone wasn’t ideal for this, but oestrogen was. Why not try a switch, then?
So I did.
My issues were never about my physical look–though, I did struggle with a lack of self image. Oestrogen has inadvertently driven me to want to push for a feminine image. It has me excited to explore different looks. As for my sexual organs, though, I never felt an aversion to it. I didn’t see a need to. It’s one, or the other. Why care?
Seemed illogical.
Penile function is certainly different now. I am infertile, and no longer experience random erections unless I’m experiencing physical contact. I make sure to “work out”. Use it or lose it, and all that. I never really wanted to have kids–certainly not in this timeline.
In fact, I would be down for a vaginoplasty, purely because we could use a change of scenery around here, and for no other reason. I simply wonder what it’s like.
On the other hand, though, testosterone and oestrogen touch the mind. As an avid psychedelic user, I notice. I asked questions, such as “why do I not feel?” and “why can’t I just cry?” As I became more emotionally intelligent (rather than ignorant and devoid, like Spock), I realised I’d like to be able to let the emotions flow a little easier.
That it did. Indeed, I cry more often. Mission accomplished. Turns out, though, that boobs are cool. Wearing bras is also cool. Now, I’m excited for that as well. I look in the mirror, and see an image more aligned with what I want. As well as that, being the world’s softest cuddlebug, I appreciate physical contact touching my soul more.
I didn’t want to be strong, I wanted to be human. Everything else is just a happy little accident.
Overall, my desires are pretty… crude. Very basic. It’s as if I’m a computer wanting to change out my software to suit my needs more. The hardware is ultimately just a way of interacting with the software. That might be the best way to look at it.
Essentially, I’m just a woman with male genitalia and underlying form. It remains to be seen whether I’ll want to change that or not, but that’s where I stand now.
I hope that’s some good insight!