You’re not mad at me, you’re mad at your dad! I forgive you!

Much shorter when he visits the gallows.

A lot of women find empathy sexy. The women who only go for alpha males are the ones you usually want to avoid.

Banana dead

Knew I missed a part. D’oh!

How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just beat the shit out of the room.

I get annoyed when my wife uses that term every time I disagree with her.

Straight to jail

I WANT YOUR SOUL

I WILL EAT YOUR SOUL

COME TO DADDY

You know it. And slippery.

You have to always wear socks and the ground constantly has small puddles of warm liquid.

And give you plates to take home!

That’s all there is at my families bbq. And michelobe ultra lol

We also don’t mind helping you and will invite you to our bbqs which are fun as fuck.

And sneezing then having a pain in your back from it.

Waking up with a new pain and having to make it the new normal.

Just more severe alcoholism and more domestic abuse. You have no fucking idea what you’re saying. Get your head out your ass.