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Well, in the case of the OP, the alternative is the manufacturer: https://www.ifixit.com/Tools

With a healthy enough dose, you can speedrun this by cutting the eggs, coffee, wine, and steak.

How else are you going to reason with animals?

Imagine that being your fuel for every day. Oh, and while you’re at it, wrangle one or more small [animal-like] children all day, keep the entire house clean, and dinner better be ready when I get home–it’s been a hard day at work. And stop being such a bitch, eh?

The booze was less of a diet aid and more of an anti-psychotic, I assume.