GOP: Genital Optics Police

It’s not so much button mashy vs not; it’s the responsiveness. Take a step back from videogames even: if you were some medieval knight or w/e in a sword fight IRL: your sword is raising as you’re initiating an attack, and you notice your opponent moving his blade toward a vulnerable spot you just left exposed.

So do you just follow through with the attack knowing there’s a blade closing in on your axillary artery, accept your fate, take the blow, bleed out and die? Or, do you abort the attack in favor of a defensive move like lifting your shield or turning a bit so the blade hits your armor instead?

The former is what combat is like in DS (and MH… haven’t tried the others).

It’s unsatisfying flavor of difficulty… again comparable to sabotaging the controls of an otherwise not difficult at all experience (sponge taped to gameboy). Or like… say you need to do the dishes, and up the difficulty of the task by tying a toothbrush to the end of a 5’ stick and scrubbing them with that from the far corner of the kitchen. The task is difficult now, but that doesn’t make it fun, just tedious.

Just pulled up Remnant - I don’t think I’ve ever seen that game before. The Steam pics/vids look pretty great: I’m getting VERY strong Secret World Legends vibes (which is a fantastic game despite having god-awful combat). I’ll throw it on my wishlist and see if I can snag it on a good sale.

‘clunky’ is the end product, but the biggest contributing factor is the absolute committal nature of initiating an animation. Need to take half a step to the left to dodge an arrow? Fuck you, I’m only one second in to a 2.5 second sword twirling animation! …and actually you double clicked at the start of the animation, so I’m gonna do it again for another 2.5 seconds! …so you die, respawn, redo that fight but this time you know when the arrows are coming so you don’t use the long animations. Clear the fight, wooooo you got gud… but trying to dodge arrows and not being able to cuz your character is busy doing a dance routine is some of the least fluid combat I’ve experienced in a videogame. Any keystroke that comes with an animation is always in competition with other keystrokes that have animations.

Combat boils down to memorizing attack patterns and playing a mental macro on repeat until the enemy is dead. There’s no responsiveness from the player, you just die until you know why you’re dying, and tweak the sequence until it works. Eventually the final boss is dead.

I’ve been told that for whatever reason it feels way less clunky on a controller - I’ve only ever played it on a mouse and keyboard.

idk.

Like I said, to each their own. I’m a little jealous of whatever it is the fanbase is feeling when they play those games, but it’s a miss for me.

Any of the Dark Souls. They’re hyped up for being difficult, but the only thing that makes them difficult is the clunky controls.

Like, I could make Pokemon Yellow equally difficult by taping a dish sponge to a Gameboy and requiring the player to operate the buttons through an inch of fluff.

The story’s kinda there if you dig for clues, but it comes off as random bullshit if you don’t.

They are fucking gorgeous, I’ll give em that.

I’ll never understand the ‘git gud’ circlejerk… I 100%'d DS2, and made it a good chunk through Elden Ring (think I was about 80% done before finally saying fuck it). I ‘got gud’… But DS never got fun.

I absolutely love the style, setting, visuals, and music - I really wanted to like DS… but the combat and clunky controls absolutely murder the experience.

For me at least… to each their own.

Professionally, never bitch down or laterally. If you’re going to bitch up, do so in private.

…I think that was from some war movie… Saving Private Ryan? But fuck if it isn’t solid advice!

The good news is we can correct that surgically. The bad news is… well…

8=

Contrary to popular belief, it appears hips actually do lie. This changes everything.

The cochlea and semicircular canals are absolutely wild. It’s all just squirting fluid over a patch of tiny grass, and boom, that’s your sense of hearing and balance. One of the coolest bits of anatomy we’ve got.

d1

DM: Not that one, Job: I have a special d20 just for you!

If that’s not an instance yet, it needs to be.

There’s still Templar and Dragon!

All you need to do now is inhale a bee and trash your apartment with the superpowers it gives you.

What did it for me was the bugs. Those little fruit-fly fuckers… they love sugar, and those taps are a concentrated source. Until someone turns it on, and they get blasted off the tube and stuck onto the sticky inside surface of the cap, where they die and continue to get blasted with concentrate, so there’s this membrane of soda residue, dead fruit flies, and mold.

…infact the taste you’re referencing might legit be rotting bugs if it has a kind of rancid protein flavor.

I wonder how many of those fruit flies get blasted straight into people’s drink vs onto the edge of the cap, where they’re just sucked up through a straw and drank by a customer who’s none the wiser.

Nom nom.

Some semi-matte olive paint and that mofo could have a Warthog.

Worked at a fast food place ages ago, and I remember cleaning the caps of each fountain of the top image: they were pretty horrific. Another poster mentioned mold… they’re not exaggerating. They were probably the second-nastiest surface in the restaurant, second only to the floor of the bathrooms.

Now, I’m under no illusion that the Cloa-Cola dispenser is actually sanitary, but it’s gotta be better than the other model.

Can’t argue with the results.

mystical powers

LSD.

Otherwise, sounds plausible.

Did you hit her with “Oh I’m sorry, I’m sorry - I thought this was America!”

Anovaginal fistulas are a thing. 🤷‍♀️

…what even is that, technically speaking? Lasagna? Calzone maybe?