I wonder if it has trouble deciding if Imagine Dragons are human or not 🤔

People who masturbate less than twice a week make a loud sound that only I can’t hear??? That’s so specific!

Wait wait wait… Is the implication here that there are people who masturbate LESS than twice a week??? 😰

Edit: holy shit I just realized that’s Elijah Wood

I’m guessing here, but I assume they mean the fact that most old pagan religions were essentially erased from existence by Christians 🤷‍♂️

My alarm app has a setting where you have to solve math equations to make the alarm turn off or even use the snooze feature. You could even set it to increase in difficulty. I got pissed off at it and stopped using it after about a week.

That’s manorialism, you’re thinking of an extremely sweet kosher wine.

I didn’t know who this person was until I saw this post. I wish I still didn’t.

What kinda soup?

I think the only exception is Punch Drunk Love which is coincidentally also the best movie he ever made

I’ve had a few miracle burgers. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great either. It just kind of tasted like a mediocre fast food hamburger. I don’t eat burgers that often anymore so when I do have one I want it to be really good so I probably won’t get another one unless there’s some great innovation in plant based meat in the future.

I suppose it accomplishes its goal in that it does taste like a hamburger, just not a particularly great one

I kinda feel like the name is part of the problem there. If someone says they’re serving me something called a “miracle” burger the expectation created is that it will taste exceptionally good, or at least better than average

You’re the man now, dawg!

You bastard!

You k*lled Ben!

Oh, Ben! Oh!

…And your babies.

Oh, oh… They’re hatching.

They’re orphans…

If you have to pretend to be autistic then you probably aren’t autistic. Go get diagnosed

Libertarians are an odd bunch these days. They claim to be against “big government” but they want to privatize everything which would essentially make giant corporations into a new authoritarian government.

The love to talk about being able to take your business elsewhere if you don’t like the service your getting, but that doesn’t do a lot of good if your house burns down because you were behind on your fire protection plan and no one will come to put it out.

It’s basically become an entire party that believes the idea that “survival of the fittest wealthiest” should be the only law

When I was a kid we would connect a coat hanger to the TV to get the news from 2 towns over

Literally everything this guy does ends up feeling like a scam lol

No. Literally anyone who isn’t at least a millionaire is on the chopping block, they just don’t realize it yet.