Seems like they should have their backups tested.

Service*

I knocked out as much saturated fat and cholesterol from my diet as I could and I dropped 10 lbs without much effort.

Died in a tragic bowling accident involving a penguin and two moose, never should have happened.

The real assassin is in Russia.

He’s underage and the prostitute is committing statutory rape. Either we decide as a society that any underage can make the decision to hire a prostitute or none of them can. Special privileges because you’re terminally ill male is a slippery slope.

Wild story. Totally unethical, and there’s no way to make it morally correct. Horrible situation to be put in because you feel bad for the kid who’s dying and want to give him a good time while he’s alive, but there is no good way of honoring his wish.

I fucking knew it. I asked him for a skateboard when I was little and he got me this skinny piece of crap that wouldn’t even roll down the driveway, he couldn’t even get a basic gift right.

Neither of them seem to know about a large part of the internet that’s into the pee stuff.

You have the world’s tiniest violin, but can you play it?

Zoom out so it looks better.

It’s only valuable if it reminds you of grandma.

I saw shit smeared on a bathroom door the other day, hand dryers only, no paper towels, it was so gross.

SafeWord1!

Here’s an idea: we sacrifice the richest person in the world to the god of Capitalism, The Invisible Hand, and see if it makes the wealth trickle down faster.

I guess I’ll stop trying to improve.

Help us out though, what can we do to be better allies? I try to be a good one, but I don’t know if I’m coming up short.

What was the original one trying to go for? I get this joke, I just don’t know what salt water and goats have to do with horror.

Why put a bird at risk? Just use a drone.

Stupid sexy chimney.