I want to be on the regiment I’m supposed to be on, which is 1mg RisperiDONE in the morning (just saw they labeled it funny), and 2mg at night and 1000mg deprakote, but I’m only on 1mg of risperidone a day because it takes forever to see a doctor and they all lie to me and I don’t trust them, and these Arizona docs, with the shape I was in while in Portland, don’t believe anything I say, and the cops are setting us up, as I have to believe is planned, because I faked schizophrenia to get outta ROTC, but it’s ok, cuz I’m actually a schizoautismo doorigard of profound retardation.

Do new word. Sexual. Ah fuck! I don’t like being sexual because it evokes all these feelings of fear, but therein, I like being sexual because sex is fucking sex. I don’t like coming on to someone at all. I’ve done performance art before, guided by God, to be awkward or cringe or unsettling in a variety of ways, and I did so in the awareness it would heal me, choosing to overcome my fear, while believing I was a cop, which I believe now was done out of love and compassion.

But I like to joke about sex like Beethoven joked about poop. Autism! Aspergers? A rare form of ADHD that often gets misdiagnosed as schizophrenia? That’s what God told me, and I don’t get a euphoria from amphetamines, which I’m genuinely not on. I have a small amount of DXM in me because my life partner is financially abusing me and I cannot fight in the vacuum of my soul against the whelling feeling of being alone and fucked with and doom n gloom n all.

Censorship. Expression. I hear the announcement from the middle school I love next to. God knows what His ass is doing, and I think I do too. This, I am really starting to see how everything works out, despite y’know, 653k charges being thrown at me, for reasons that I worry about literally zero percent of the time because I’m not who I once was.

Thus, I am good being Victorious.

Oh that’s a typo?! I thought all meaning hinged on that! Now I’m soft, having been deceived and let down, once again!

I have the source code for the original autism. It involves a lot of updates to the attention coordination that led to the fall of man in the agricultural revolution, where we exploded in number in permanent settlements and no longer could function in Joint Synchronized Attention, which is what a flock of birds or a school of fish is in. But, the more the world changes to revolve around screen-dependent dopamine processing, autism is going to keep growing as we as a global society go througg another axial shift in consciousness.

I don’t want to defend my past self because while I wasn’t evil, I was garbage, and while it objectively wasn’t my fault that I entered college broken n shitty, I let it get worse until I realized I was going over a cliff with the help of a friend and I started working on myself, then acid happened, and juggling, and more acid, and MKULTRA, and a cult, and homelessness. Oh! I was a woman for a few years. Can’t forget that. I stayed at the women’s homeless shelter in Portland; I wasn’t the only one with a beard there! And that’s all going to factor in to how much the hate-fueled peoples are going to fuck themselves for it was my one handler that told me that it was my recovery and transformation that would inspire people.

I also get stiff thinking about the chthaoctardriam of my schizophrenia.

I am levels of weapons grade neurodivergent and I have been weaponized by the military industrial complex to start the memeplexic fusion reaction because I accidentally told my ROTC cadre that my (nonexistent) sister got me pregnant over the course of weeks, and then I had the Craigslist incident, which only helped me be so counterintelligent. Can’t stare at enough goats, y’know?

What’s going on? Oh, some Arizonan piggos are setting me up in awful fashion, but God’s telling me I’m walking because this is how I get famous, obviously. I’m a juggler, after all, and if that doesn’t involve a massive news and legal ibroglio, then I might be schizophrenia too. But no. Just schizoaffective n autistic n traumatized n stuff.

Just play Zork all day until you get fired. They’ll think you’re coding!

When God tells me to smoke weed, I take that as a sign I should write a poem, I have learned is more optimal than obeying or disobeying synchronicity. You have to perceive beyond duality to think in superpositions, and this requires a specific type of möbiation through the orthogonal mesh of categories into a new topological domain, obviously, because as we know orthogonality is relative to the degree of dimensional corthtracing, also obviously.

I r

I dunno either

Real programmers use memes to program the machines of the world.

Every screen is watching you jack off to demon futa porn in this day and age. Well, at least they watch me watch that. They don’t eveb need cameras; they can see through the pixels, dude.

Why don’t you just get a realistic water pistol, paint it black and interrogate him directly? Put a chunk of depleted uranium in the end of the barrel so you can pistol whip him and it will be realistic and he will shit pants, which you can turn into dirt in the crafting screen.

I have an apartment and it is dumb

I read It and it wasn’t as good as it was on mushrooms seeing It on screen. I mostly enjoyed the habdjob I got in my popgorn bucket from my cousin. She’s married now and works with computer, and she tell me I shouldn’t download these toolbars, but how else I fibd Spongebob Hentau on demand? AI isn’t not good enough yet for my fetishes…

I wanna get pegged by a busty chick…

Bob as in my life partner’s father or Bob as in Agent Bob from my book? Two different people, just like there’s three different Alex’s.

I’m a sir again, but this ish is gunna be rough. Thank you. And no its supposed to be risperdal/whatever and deprakote, and I’m only on 1mg of risperdal to make it last.