I’m sorry if this is insensitive or if this has been asked already, but I would like some feedback from the ASD community about this.
I’ve always been kind of socially awkward, I am generally uncomfortable with meeting new people outside of professional environments, and prolonged eye-contact, even with close friends, is weird for me. My older sister was the first to bring up the idea, after she had a kid who potentially had autism, that I might also be on the spectrum. And within the last few months my mom also brought it up that I might be on the spectrum. She never had me tested because I was born in '95 and, by her account, testing just wasn’t common except for more extreme cases.
But she suggested that I should get tested, and honestly I don’t know how I feel about it. It’s not that I’m worried about being on the spectrum but I feel like there’s no point in knowing because what would it change for me? I personally don’t see how knowing would benefit me; and even if I am on the spectrum, my ignorance of it doesn’t seem to be harming me. I worry that knowing for sure will just give me an excuse, and thus far I’ve done fine without knowing, I might even argue that not knowing (if I am on the spectrum) has just forced me to improve myself, develop my ability to empathize and be introspective, and enhance my social skills. To me, getting tested would just mean putting an unnecessary label on myself that doesn’t actually define me.
What are your opinions? Also, what is the testing procedure like? Would it even be accurate given that I’m almost 30 and have already had to learn through experience how to properly interact with people socially?
I appreciate whatever advice or anecdotes you can provide.
Edit: I also want to apologize if any of my terminology is offensive, I’m working off of the mainstream knowledge I have about ASD, so if it’s out of date it’s truly because of ignorance and not malice.
I was diagnosed around 11 or 12, but my father warned me (like a threat) that I wasn’t to let it interfere with my school work. I got no help with it, and I did not trust therapists so I was not in therapy. I largely ignored it, it was an interesting fact about me that most people couldn’t pick up on and so were surprised to learn.
Around 32-33 I was berating myself for the nth time why I can’t just be normal and go out to bars and clubs and have fun socialising, or why I always seem to say the wrong thing at work, and it hit me like a tonne of bricks that being on the spectrum isn’t just some funny little quirk. I thought back over everything I could remember, started looking up studies on adult outcomes for autism, and found in them the pattern of my life (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3769945/ will get you started, if you’re interested). It explained so much about myself and made it possible for me to get a handle on some of the things that have made life harder.
At work, for example, I can now step away if a conversation is overwhelming me. And I know that fidgeting like “flapping my knees” (I dunno… Feet together on the ground, I swing my knees out and back together without hitting, in sync; my parents used to yell at me for it) is actually “stimming”, and I shouldn’t stop myself from doing it. I know I don’t have a temper, I have very specific triggers for meltdowns - amongst which is not feeling understood/able to communicate. Quite a common one, that. I can feel a meltdown coming now that I know what to watch for, and this makes it easier to walk myself back from the edge. This is important because I do harm to myself, when I have an episode. There’s a video floating about the internet of some asshole harassing the front desk clerk at a hotel and the poor kid starts hitting himself in the head repeatedly while the cunt behind the camera shouts at and berates him more… I saw myself, in that kid.
My relationships have suffered because I was unaware of symptoms that presented themselves through negative behaviours. This i don’t feel like going into very much, but suffice it to say I’ve become a better partner, and my partner is better able to support me in the ways I need as well.
I would recommend getting tested, personally. If you are indeed on the spectrum, knowing the details will help you and those around you make accommodations, and your life will probably get subtly easier in just about every way.
100% this. 27M, I don’t have autism, but I tested for mixed-ADHD at the end of last year. It was not at all aurprising, but having this diagnosis has opened me to a world of information I never would’ve explored before. I’m now on 30mg of Vyvanse daily. I have better infrastructure built for my life to support my forgetfulness, which has plagued me since grade school.
It’s all still a work-in-progress, but knowing these things can make you feel more comfortable in your own skin. It may feel like “an easy out” or “an excuse”, but that is a mental hurdle you can overcome, and you will be much happier when you do.