Yesterday on my train ride home I overheard a conversation next to me because I didn’t have my headphones in. They were talking about “being different in the head” and some point they dropped the term “neurotypical”. So clearly I had some neurodivergent people next to me talking about how it affects their life, what are the odds?
So what did I do after wanting neurodivergent friends for a long time now?
Nothing.
I just sat there, listened and didn’t say a word because I’m a dumb fucking idiot.
I think you’re being too hard on yourself. Imo it would’ve been rude to interrupt two stangers conversation that you were listening in on. A train isn’t exactly the go to spot to meet people.
Agree. It is their conversation. Don’t feel bad.
At that point, you’re approaching the line where no place is the spot to meet people. Just make some small comment to show interest in their conversation, and ask them if you can join. They have the right to say no, anyway.
I’d agree with this, you don’t necessarily even need to ask to join the conversation though they wouldn’t appreciate you taking it over. adding to what they are saying and join the conversation the same way you merge lanes in a car. match speed / context, and give them plenty of space to keep going as they were. watch for signs they don’t appreciate the interruption though, shared looks between them, annoyed expression, short answers, turning away from you etc. if they’re annoyed, no big deal, bow out of the conversation as gracefully as you can, apologise if they actually say the interuprion is unwanted or anything
I agree, the boldness would have scared.
good work picking up that it may have been an opportunity to meet people, now you’ll have an idea what to be aware of next time. try not to.overthink it.
There are so many ND people to make friends with when you’re ready. Sometimes you just have to make that jump even if it’s scary! Maybe find a ND meetup in your area? Great way to meet new people and the anxiety about it will go down once you go more than once.
For me, it’s been best to find other people who are looking to make friends rather than jumping into other people’s friendships. It’s tempting to see people who already have friends or friend groups or who look like they’re having fun or doing interesting things and want to just slide into their group. For me, this always results in me feeling like I have to impress people socially, like no one has time for me (because they all already have full social lives) and like I’m forever an outsider (if the group have known one another for a long time). It’s also tempting to avoid people who seem alone or like they’re looking to make friends - like you’re suddenly transported back to grade school and don’t want to get lumped in with the social rejects (even though now you know the ‘nerds and weirdos’ who found one another in those times were having probably having a better time together than the dramatic popular crowd). I’ve noticed the quality of relationships I form with other people who are actually looking to meet new people is much better than when I try to fit into an established social group. I think it’s a really good option for ND people to meet at meet ups, book clubs, drop-in game nights, or other organized events where you could encounter strangers who might be looking for friends, have a reason to talk to them, and feel them out for whatever ND vibes would match or compliment your own.
Depending on context, joining in would either be fine, or completely off base. Unfortunately, working that out takes us quite a while. It takes even longer to be sure we won’t be doing a social blunder. It’s not unreasonable to play it safe.
Knowing when to talk to people, in public, is always a challenge. If you want to meet fellow neurodiverse people, I would recommend either finding a local makerspace, and/or look at some of the more niche meetup groups in your area (the neurotypicals tend to stick more t. Both are inherently social, and people won’t react weirdly to being chatted to by a stranger. They are there to meet new people too!
Fyi, neurodiverse girls often seem to gravitate towards the horse world. They are all a bunch of slightly insane weirdos, but awesome insane weirdos! 😁 I should know, since I married one!
Where abouts are you based?
You’re not dumb. IRL isn’t like a forum or chat room. People tend to get upset when strangers just jump into their conversations, in my experience, so I don’t do it even when I really have something to say.
You shouldn’t shame yourself for being scared to start a conversation. It happens a lot, aspecialy if you are autistic.
