Hey, I know that all relationships are different and I’m not looking for direct advice, but just curious as to how other people have experienced this.
My partner has audhd and has said many times that I am their safe person. They struggle making friends and don’t have much of a family so (to me) a lot of pressure has fallen on me in that role.
I am looking to step away from the relationship but whenever I talk to my partner, she follows our conversations with a meltdown and says she doesn’t have a safe person and doesn’t feel safe any more.
Can anyone explain their experiences with this and things that may have been helpful or things that made it worse?
Thank you
Agreed 100%, though I’ve found flatly telling someone it lands as manipulation can cause its own problems. Not saying to enable the behavior by any means, just that additional advice on how to navigate a conversation about the impact vs. intent of those meltdowns could go a long way.
In that regard I’m not sure I have great advice as I think I’ve really struggled with this exact situation a lot in the past. Making sure the conversation happens while in a very safe space, with comfort objects around could help a lot. Talk about distance, if having you close during hard talks or further away is better. Make it clear you’re willing to accommodate without being avoidant of the discomfort of the conversation.
I’ve found with my own neurodivergence, handling discomfort is a deliberate practice, one I was exposed to fairly consistently throughout my childhood and teens. Because of that I do sometimes get frustrated with other folks that aren’t as well adjusted to that, but I need to remind myself the best way to actually have conversations where growth can happen is to start from a place of comfort and acclimate to the discomfort of something new. That could be a food, or it could be the thought of not having a comfort person anymore.