I was just watching a youtube on Jungian personas and masks. The problem, Jung said, is that people put on masks to gain love and acceptance but hide their true authentic selves. Over time, they forget who they really are and become their mask.
The video was about how to remove the mask and discover your true self, but all I kept thinking was “love and acceptance? just for putting on a mask? how can I learn this skill?”
Most people prefer a pretty lie to an ugly truth. Masking is lying. Completely making something up is an obvious aka ugly lie, the worst of both. The best way to lie to to base it on a kernel of truth.
So the best way to mask it to take some real aspect of yourself, and slightly exaggerate it to stretch it into an acceptable shape that the other person likes. This requires people watching, being present in the conversation, etc. Over time you’ll pick up trends or categories of people. You’ll mess up and put on the wrong mask for the wrong person sometimes, but you’ll get better with experience. Like the other comment said, small talk is great practice and low stakes. Some people will start liking you way more than you feel that should, and some people will dislike you and you’ll wonder why. Its because they felt your mask fell into the “uncanny valley”, and even though your intentions werent bad, they are justified at feeling uneasy around you because you are in fact acting fake around them.
If this all sounds psychotic, its because it is, masking isn’t something you should ever have to do, but the world we live in is fucked so sometimes in bullshit situations you have to be bullshit yourself.
Specific to interviews, they expect you to follow social customs and exaggerate, if youre being honest then even if that shows youre a virtuous person (and they may even like you more because of it) it also means that you either cant follow social normals because you dont know how, or you refuse to (which might show issues with authority) and either way it will lead to problems in the workplace. Passing qualifications is a minimum bar (most of the time), the real test in an interview is proving to them that they would like working with you. So in a round about way, it does make sense logically.
I kind of don´t even apply to social work jobs anymore. I know they are looking for people they can “relate” to and, surprise!, it’s young college educated white women with long hair who follow all the rules society’s given them.
This is quite a long sentence, but I think you’re just describing a Catch-22?
Also about relationships (any kind) you shouldn’t mask, because its wrong to lie and manipulate people who care about you and they deserve more than that. But also because masking is exhausting, and one day you’ll either run out of energy and drop it (and freak them out), or slowly push them away because you dont have the energy, and both lead to you wasting both of yours times, energy, heart, and trust.
in private relationships, there should come a point where you can be honest and open up about these struggles